depression?

sometimes i do wonder if i am getting into depression. not that big time depression-depression type of depression, but rather mild depression.

you see, i have been feeling troubled about lots of things. my mum's passing, my dog's passing, family, etc... and lately, about my health as i have not been able to sleep well, have breathing difficulties, experience frequent chest tightness, etc. i also do find myself getting lethargic these days, have no interest in things around me, i do not want to go out of the house, and indulge in porn (excessively). there were also many instances where i found myself choked with tears... my mind is just too disturbed. and often a times, i think about useless unproductive thoughts such running away from people, from this country, or for that matter from life. yes, death - my own passing. everything seemed to be so meaningless currently.

i do recognise that these are signs of depression and i need to manage myself. and i am writing these thoughts out as an outlet for me to vent. need to be mindful of this phase i am in and not to allow it to consume me. 

as it comes, it will also eventually go.