be like water

am going through this interesting period where disturbing dreams seemed to be the norm. it could be of building collapsing, of people getting killed, etc... and invariably, the trend i have observed about these dreams was me being helpless and unable to control the events and people around me leading to high levels of stress and tensions.

i supposed this is my sub-conscious trying to release all the internal tensions that i have been facing over the past couple of months. and i must say that although much of it was directly related to my immediate challenges at work, my personal life, and family-related issues also contributed to it. there are just too many things that are happening around me that i cannot control but are impacting me directly - e.g. an abusive boss at work, a mentally unstable mum, being in a state of deliberate passivity when it comes to relationship. also, everyone had, at some point or other, called me a liar, and have doubted my integrity and/ or my good intentions. 

these are all different aspects of my daily life and all have one thing in common - i am being placed inside a box and my ability to influence people and/ or events are either muted or removed altogether. and these are all causing me a lot of stress mentally cos i am not a person that enjoy being cooped up. my natural self is one that likes to be free, to move around when i want to, to interact, to be trusted, to do what i want, to influence people. perhaps this natural self is what people usually allude to as the character/ personality of horses - be it the sagittarius or the fire horse that i am.

i have been reading about stress management lately and seemed to show many of the behavioural signs that people under heavy stress exhibit. this include forgetfulness, substance abuse, withdrawal, feeling lonely, disturbed sleep patterns, body aches, and so on. and to manage stress, all resources i read talked about the need to adapt and to let go and move on if adapting is not an option. as i read these, i was reminded of concepts commonly mentioned in zen-teachings and also used by bruce lee - be like water, flow along, and when you experience obstacles, adapt to the shape, flow through it, or around it, move along.

some things i cannot let go, some things i can. and where i can, new stresses will appear, but i suspect these new stresses will evoke a creative response and not one that stifles me. and where i cannot let go, i need to simply find ways to flow around it. let me reflect on this further and i think i can find the answers.

and i must say this, as i type, things has already became a little clearer!

:-)

picture from http://numenrecords.co.uk/