my 301st entry

this is my 301st entry! and it is dedicated to my blog :-) never really appreciate the power of blogging until after sometime of blogging. to be frank, my blog started off as an attempt to maintain an e-diary in fridae in mid-2004. that was also when i was based in the states and was really bored. i needed something to keep me going. and so i started writing. and as i wrote, the habit kicked in and i continued to write more. sometime in mar/apr 2005, after derek was outed by our security office, i deleted all my e-diary entries. i was scared. i was afraid of being called up. but it was no used. little did i know that i was already being monitored as far back as 2004. i was eventually called up, questioned about my sexuality, questioned about my presence in the web and so on and made to sign a commitment to be responsible and so on... anyway, after things got settled after signing the commitment, i started writing again. this time, i was careful not to reveal my identity. eventually, i found fridae too restrictive in terms of the hci as well as the options for me to do up the page (the fonts, the aesthetics, the pictures, etc). also, i was pretty pissed off with fridae for imposing useless and unfair censorship guidelines on their members. i decided to migrate to blogger (blogspot) in 2006. i have stopped posting anything in fridae. decided on blogspot as i thought the interface is rather simple and straight-forward. the initial days were rather tough for i had to manually migrate most of my posts in fridae into blogspot. to ensure authenticity of the postings, i had to ensure the date and time of the postings were adjusted to capture the date and time of the original fridae post. it was not easy but i thought it was important to do so so that i can have an accurate reference point when i read it again sometime in future. i have since continued posting here. blogger has captured many good as well as not so good memories and has accompanied me through many of my life's experiences such as the difficult period with james, the period where i had to balance between su how and james, moving on, coming to terms with my break-off, how i was outed at work, the issues and difficulties i faced following this defining moment at work as well as about my family and friends. i started blogging in order to capture my life experiences. simple reason. this reason has somewhat deepened over the years. for as i blog and as i back-link certain issues to past blog entries, i was able to observe patterns - patterns of moods, patterns of experiences, and so on. and i asked myself why. my reflections led me to have a deeper understanding myself. this process of self-discovery is like finally seeing `what i do not know what i do not know'! this increased self-awareness also allowed me to better manage myself. it is ironic that when i wrote my self-intro, i suggested for readers to read my blog to know me, but in the end, i was the one who actually learned more about myself. and this motivates me to continue blogging :-) that, to me is the power of blogs.