Managing Friends

Time to move on after 6 and a half years.

Not easy and I reckon the coming few weeks would be really tough - for him, for me, for all of us. It has been really traumatic for me to do it for I still love him deeply. Yet, I must move on in the interest of both of us in the longer term.

Finding it really tough today when I broke the news and never never ever would I expect that it was even tougher to manage his (our) friends than to manage him. I felt really intruded upon by Dominic, an outsider to this relationship, when I was taken to task for not telling them before I actually break the news.

I had not preplanned the break up date/ time. I knew it was coming. I saw it coming but I did not planned for it to happen at an exact date/ time. It just felt appropriate this morning. Things are just not so text book and sequential. I was chided for not keeping the promise of providing early notice. Then again, early notice to me meant being early enough for them to be there for him when the news finally sink in and not to preempt when I will actually tell him. But I guess this was not to be understood by his (our) friends.

Perhaps I have not communicated my intentions clearly enough to them or perhaps I have placed to much faith in friends and that I have assumed they would understand and be there to support us - not just him but me included. Then again, perhaps it was bad judgement on my part, for they seemed to place too much hooha over the exact date/ time that I break the news rather than see it from the perspective that the support I need from them would be a long drawn one.

So what if I had told them of the time I am gonna break the news (not that I could in the first place)? Wouldn't it be even more horrible for him to have his friends call him and try to console him of the break up once I broke the news? If I were him, I certainly would feel super lousy to know that I was the last to know about it. Perhaps I should see it positively that their response reflected their concern for him. From this angle, I have to thank them for it. Whatever the case, trying to seek friends' support in this world is so bloody challenging. I guess I have to manage this on my own henceforth.

Once again, I have failed to understand the age old lesson that in life, always rely on no one except yourself.