This Week's Snippets

My Dilemmas

- Since experiencing the blank-outs, I have been feeling out of sorts. Trying very hard to manage myself, the uncertainties as well as keeping things away from my parents and sisters. Do not think they will be able to take the news. Also given the many uncertainties, it will just freak them out and make them worry for no good reasons. Let's wait till things are clearer before telling them. As for my friends, I have opened up to my close friends and I am overwhelmed by their concerns and their support. I really thank them for it and for being there to support me during this period.

His Priorities (1)

- Last Sunday, I really felt like I was gonna die. Smsed him to tell him I would like to meet him and to tell him my desperations, my fear of death, etc. His first reaction was to turn me down citing that he had planned for a day's programme with him. This woke me up. Seriously. Nonetheless, we met up in the evening. He unwillingly had to terminate his dinner plans with him. Things were very tense then. Despite this, we spoke at length and decided to patch things up and work on our relationship in the end. But I was very much hardened by this whole experience. Whatever he does or whatever he says will no longer be taken seriously by me anymore. It seemed like his dinner plans with him is more important than my life. My Medical Appt - Finally went to the specialist who did a brain scan and a blood test. Had wanted to ask him to accompany me but he was not able to do so citing work commitments. Felt terribly worried, scared and nervous. Did not like the feeling of going through the battery of tests alone. Was told by the doctor that it is likely to be seizures but could not determine the cause of the seizures. Still subject to further test this coming week and to see the specialist again this mid-Sep.

Things to Avoid

- Given the possibilities of seizures happening again, I have been advised not to drive, operate any machines or to engage in any sports that involve machines or situations where I may endanger myself. These include cycling and swimming. Cannot afford to blank out during these occasions or I may risk getitng into a fatal situation. Will definitely need to do major adjustments to my lifestyle. Since injuring my leg, swimming is the only sports I do, I really do not know how I can survive not swimming. A friend advised me that one option is to find a swim buddy so that in the event of me blanking out while swimming, at least, someone can save me. Well, I will have to look into my options.

His Mum

- His mum was terribly worried about me and had been praying for me. She spoke to me at length and consoled me about my condition. As for him, he was very sweet about the whole thing and had been nice to me this week. But I am clear that what I want is someone who can give me unconditional love and care and not his mum's concern.

His Priorities (2)

- Today is Fri and as usual I will have to switch off my phone to manage myself from going berserk just thinking of him spending time and overnight with him. On the other hand, I have now been hardened and take everything he says with a lot (yes, a real lot) of concessions. I do treat it as passing remarks cos if I were to take it seriously, I will end up feeling terribly hurt. For example, despite him telling me time and again that he will `always' be with me especially now with my possible medical condition, I am dead sure he will not be able to be with me and to keep me company from Fri - Sun nite, cos he is dead determined to want to spend time with him. I have been proven rite today.

My Good Friend

- Vernon had been around all these while helping me manage my weekends and my emotional swings. He was also around to help me manage myself and to accompany me during all my spare time whenever he can so that I do not get overwhelmed by my missing him.

Thanks my friend.