National Day Parades and events have always been emotional for me.
This year, it will be no exception. But this year, I will not be celebrating it. I somehow do not have the want to want to do it. I reckon it will be too emotional for me after all those things that happened to me over the last few months. I am the type who would choke and tear (with pride and joy) when I hear the roaring of the airplanes over me when I jog along East Coast during the NDP, or when I sing the National Anthem, or when I recite the National Pledge.
Also, for the first time since we are encouraged to fly the national flag many years back, I have decided I will not do it, not on my car, not at home, not anywhere. I will not watch the NDP over the tv, I will not even switch on my radio. I will not participate in any ND events. I will not even attend my company's ND Observance Event. I do not want to end up tearing in front of all my colleagues.
I may be anti-system now, but I am doing this not because I am any less patriotic. Rather, I am doing this for self-preservation. I am doing this to keep myself from getting emotional. It will make me wallow again. It will make me depress again. I want to keep my sanity.I had wanted to leave country during this period. But circumstances forced my to stay. Probably, I'll occupy myself with housework, play with my dog. Spend some quiet time with my partner and my mum at home, have a quiet meal. Housework can be therapeutic. Just need to get into the mood. And once you get the hang of it, you'll keep going. And you'll get a good workout too.
Need a break. Need to keep my calm.
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