quietness of the cemetery

it's become a routine for me to visit to the columbarium every few weeks to pay respects to my parents. once a while, i'd also drive through the cemetery next to it to get a moment of peace. for some reasons, cemeteries give me a sense of quiet and calms me. this weekend, i decided i'd just park my car at the columbarium and take a walk into the cemeteries instead. the sun wasn't too harsh and i also wanted to do some exercise. it was a good and interesting walk, going through the different blocks of burial sites that was filled through the different decades past. 

as i walked, the folds of the hills and rows and rows of graves appeared neatly in front of me. such a scene is not common locally and felt somewhat surreal. i walked pass the site where my paternal grandmother used to be buried before we exhumed her some time back. i recognised the huge angsana tree beside the grave that still stand today. i also visited the graves of my maternal grandmother and my uncle and i reflected on their lives as i looked at their photos. it is easy to recognise my grandma as my mum bore an exact semblance to her. she didn't like my mum when she was alive as my mum couldn't give her monthly allowances. also, coming from a traditional peranakan (straits-borned chinese) family, there was a natural tendency to favour boys to girls. as for my uncle, i reflected on the stories shared by my mum about him. he committed suicide by hanging himself at the age of 29 on 2 nov 1965, a year before i was born. and he took his life, to my understanding, due to heaps of debt as a result of gambling, and my granddad's disapproval of his intense relationship with a malay-muslim woman. cross-cultural and cross-religion relationships was considered taboo back in those days.

when i looked at their photographs and reflected on their life's stories, i also wondered if i should arrange for them to be exhumed and for their ashes to be kept at the columbarium. traditionally such exhumation is done by the families of male descendants but all my uncles had died and i don't think my cousins would do so for my grandma. and for my uncle, he was single and has no direct descendants to undertake the exhumation. i knew that doing so would be a huge disturbance to their rest but it is something that has to be done given the government's ongoing program to exhume old graves to make way for new burials. unclaimed graves would be exhumed and the remains kept for 3 years before they are scattered at sea. it would not be nice to allow this to be done especially when we are still around. i decided then to write an email to the agency responsible for exhumation to check what the procedures are, especially when i do not have their death certificates. let's see what they come back with. 

all said and done, i have always enjoyed my visits to the columbarium and the cemetery. i really like the peace and quiet of the place (although it do not do justice to the many untold stories of people resting here). it is a good getaway from the busy and complex world of the living. it relaxes me.

recent news

there's been a flood of news recently that saddens me...

firstly, it's the lee family saga that is playing out publicly following the posting made by the 2 siblings of the current prime minister. it attracted much attention and set the social media crazy. all the comments shared reflect the differences in opinions with regards where the line should be drawn between the personal and public capacities of both the individual (pm vs son) as well as the property (private property vs national monument). and of cos, in such situations, political divides appear and people's comments tend to become very emotional and many a times, very ugly. for and against, often illogical and a lot of name-calling. it's very sad.

secondly, in the international arena, i continue to get very confused about what's coming out of the states. the credibility of presidency, in my eyes, continues to spiral downwards. the behaviour of the president of the united states and the things he said has thus far fallen short of expectations! and the same goes to the staff of white house. as an outsider, much as i want to frame this as an internal issue for the americans, i am acutely aware that what the president does/ says/ tweets has a direct impact on the world. but of cos, the silver lining (hopefully) is that the institutions build over the years are strong and continue to be helmed by good people. let's hope it survives the man. for the states to be where it is today, it's very sad.

thirdly, i see senseless bombings and killings happening at many places and often, they are linked to terrorist actions. i often wonder how people can possibly still align themselves to such perverted ideology that supports the killing of people. perhaps that is what radicalisation is about. it destroys a person's mind, brainwashes a person and obscures the truth. so much so that people can still place their lives and trust to an organisation that even attempts to bomb the holiest site of islam - mecca. i cannot understand the logic. it's very sad.

depressing...

drained...

i have not thought about leaving my job (so early into my new employment) as much as i have for this current job... but no, don't get me wrong, its not because of the job. the job is meaningful and exciting. but the people issues are just too draining and the pressures to get things done are just too unrealistic. and when i tell this to my friends, they tell me it's not the work issue but it's me who's being a workaholic and expecting too much from myself.

i really don't think so. 

pulau ubin sunday

it was a good weekend for me. joined my friends for a pulau ubin cycling trip! and talking about the trip, it turned out to be some sort of a father's day celebrations for me.... lol.

you see, my ex colleagues (and very good friends) have always been addressing me affectionately as "baba" (or papa, whichever way you like) or "daddy". and whenever we head out, they'd look after me like as though i'm their "father". and so, it was kinda coincidental that the sunday outing to pulau ubin became some sort of "father's day" outing.

the sky was really nice and cool when we first started but by the end of the trip, the sky poured like crazy. thankfully, we had finished our adventures and on our way back to maintain singapore. of cos, we ended the day with a totally sumptuous dinner - a father's set dinner - at a peranakan restuarant. 

:-)

haiz...

it started with a small cut early this week, and then a sore that refuses to go away...

woman... sighs

i have so many woman issues at work. here're just some of them...

• women who do things (and that impacted people downstream like me and my team) without thinking when under stress 
• women who cannot stand other woman under them and do all sorts of things that i sometimes can just roll my eyes
• women who has an alpha-male personality and always like to boss people around
• women who talks down on people
• women who cannot draw distinction between friends and colleagues
• women who draw lines clearly based on the logic of my friends enemy is also my enemy
• women who make decision using their heart and not their head
• women who can come to you and say, i am not doing this, cos i cannot see why i should do it for that woman.
• women who are so conscious about who's credit it should go to for doing any specific tasks

the list goes on. it somewhat reinforces the point that men are complicated and women are complex.

and it is very draining....

post-hyderabad, long work week

last week was a really really long and tiring workweek for me. had not worked such long hours for a very very long long time. just look at my sentence... once sentence with 4 long words... lol. worked through the overnight flight on my laptop to rush for a meeting that had been organised for the monday (once i touched down). i had to cancel my monday leave as this meeting was something that had to go on as it involved our overseas staff. once i touched down, i rushed home, took a quick shower, and headed back to work. and it was non-stop meeting till past 6pm, after which my big boss called me up to follow up on some matters for her...  worked late till almost 10-plus before i headed home, by which time, i had not slept for more than 40 hours. that was my monday after hyderabad.

i literally died once i hit my bed on monday night. and tuesday was the same... worked from early morning till almost 11pm, and wednesday i had to manage a department annual workplace program involving almost 200 people. by the end of wednesday, i was a very relieved person. the event went well and my very happy boss asked me to take 2 days off. of cos i didn't la, it was not something a senior person would do right. nonetheless, as much as i was relieved, i was almost dead too. and when thursday came, i found myself unable to get out of bed properly. my body protested and i came down with a huge backache. i drove to work in my belief that my back would feel better once it is warmed up but in the end, i gave up as i couldn't even stand straight when i arrived at my workplace and had to make a detour to see a doctor. i was given 2 days sick leave. you need to just lie on the bed and let your body rest, the doctor ordered. i came home, rested for half a day, downed a whole lot of painkillers and then headed back to office to chair a long meeting that had been arranged. it was tough. friday was the same routine of 7-8 meetings through the day. i really find having so many meetings in a day not productive at all... then again...

and that was my long long long last week...

lol!

cancelled visa cards

i logged in to do my internet banking today and noted i had outstanding balances for my visa bills. i was kinda surprised as i had hardly use the two visa cards of this bank (ocbc). but for some reasons, it showed an outstanding balance of slightly more than a hundred dollars for both cards. i didn't check further but simply went ahead and executed the online payment. after paying up, the account still reflected an outstanding balance of s$100. feeling curious, i pulled out the e-statement and wohhhh, it showed a late fees of $100 for each of the cards (i.e. total of s$200). and as the payment for one of the cards had gone through, it meant i had already paid s$100! wtf!

in my whole life with this bank, i've never defaulted my payments and for some weird reasons, i am now charged a late fees of $100 for each card. i checked the dates again closely and yes, i did note my payment was overdue by a week (i supposed i was in india), but i felt one helluva cheated. cheated for the fact that i was not informed of the payment due date, and hear this - i had to pay s$100 late charge for a bill of less than s$60. feeling damned pissed off, i called the hotline and cancelled my both cards, and i even demanded that they refund the late charge that i had paid up. i don't find this acceptable, not when i've been with the bank for almost 3 decades!

bloody hell...

hyderabad as a whole

as a whole, my first trip to india was a very tiring and educational one. 

it was tiring for the fact that the program was packed back to back and we had to squeeze so many things into the short 3 days there. it didn't help that the weather was hot and that my mind was also so pre-occupied with my work. it didn't help that i had a chaperon who was too overzealous and wanted us to experience all things indian. on one hand, i appreciated his intentions, on the other hand, i really wished he would give us more leeway to shape the plans. then again, i think it could also be in part due to the cultural difference between india and singapore. for all i know, he could be thinking we were too courteous when we rejected his arrangements and pushed it further. whatever...

i also found the trip a hugely educational one. i had studied the history of india and i had read quite a bit about indian culture. and it was altogether another thing to be able to be there physically to see how the indians organise and live their lives according to their indian philosophies, their religions, their history, i was awe-struck by the whole experience.  so, will i go back to india again, i would say yes, but i will also want to qualify that i will do so provided i have guides or if i were to travel in groups. it is after all still a country that i am not too familiar with.

:-)

hyderabad day 3

we decided to do what tourists do on the final day of the trip. we visited an ancient fort - fort golconda. when we learned that our chaperon planned for more shopping in the morning before heading to the fort at 5pm, we decided to take things into our own hands. no, we insisted. no more shopping. we will head to the fort in the morning. wtf, so late, we thought, and no more dum biryani!

and so, the program for the day was changed. we headed to the fort in late morning. it was a good visit, in my opinion. very historical and gave us a glimpse a piece of hyderabad's history. i shan't talk about the fort, you can get them in wikipedia easily. but for many of us, the visit provided us many kodak-moments (old-fashioned word, but yeah, it relates). that was where all the camwhore-selves appeared in all of us. out came our smart phones, and we just clicked away. two of the ladies (from the media team) changed into their sarees and busied themselves posing from the base of the fort to the peak. apart from holding us back again and again, i frankly thought it was a little impractical, given the heat that drained our energies quickly. then again, they were just doing their job.

what's most interesting was the fact that many of the south asians we saw wanted to take pictures with us. i supposed it was not often that they see fair skinned people and thus we became interesting subjects for their photo shoots. and at the rate people were asking us to take pictures with them, we could have earned quick a bit if we charged them! lol! we ended the visit late afternoon and a number of us decided to head back to the hotel first. frankly, many of us were not in the state of mind to eat anything as we had more than enough of indian spices by then. 

the shopping came in the evening after we had our rest in the hotel. for quite a few of us, we wanted to just head to the shopping center outside our hotel for a quick starbucks and a cheesecake, but our chaperon ignored our requests and we ended up being driven to an indian bazaar some long distance away. many of us were fuming mad. a group of them who arrived at the bazaar earlier directed their car back to the hotel. for me, i was stranded with the chaperon who insisted we should shop for things indian. no, i protested. i needed to head back to the hotel. i needed to pack my things and check-out! in the end, my chaperon hailed an uber for me. and a few of my peers hopped along. 

by this time, many of us had had enough of the chaperon and we took over the control of the vehicles. we decided to self-organise into smaller groups and co-ordinated with the drivers at group-levels. we didn't want to subject ourselves to the chaperon's calls anymore.  for me, i decided to take over control of the whole group and appointed group ic for each vehicles. it was also time for us to consolidate and head to the airport for our trip back home. things panned out so much smoother with the chaperon sensing our displeasure and keeping quiet.

and that was our day 3 - historical and defiance.

:-)

hyderabad day 2

it was saturday. this was the wedding day. over the night, quite a few more ex-colleagues arrived in india. the program planned was similar to my first day for the newly arrived colleagues to do their shopping. some of those who had arrived with me went along. as for me, i decided to just stay in the room to catch up with my work. i was glad i did cos i was really tired and i had lotsa work to do. and i was still bloated from the previous days' biryani meal. i was thankful i didn't join them, judging from the complains i heard after their shopping trip. one of them even threatened the host when he refused to let her go her own way and return to the hotel early. heh heh... nonetheless, the group came back to the hotel earlier and brought back for me (guess what...) more biryani! ahhh...

for those who had just arrived, it was a mad rush for them. shopping, getting their henna done, make up, etc etc etc. it was a lot easier for those who arrived one day earlier. we were all prepared well ahead of 5.30pm - the time that the vehicle would pick us up. at that time, i really didn't see how this timing could be met cos most of the people didn't come back from their shopping until close to 5pm. and added to that, a few of the girls still arranged for their henna painting to be done around 5.15pm, not to mention the fact that at 5.30pm, some of the clothings they purchased had not even been delivered to the hotel! this, we were told, was what people called the "indian time". time is used only as a concept and not an indicator of the exact moment of any event. at 5.30pm (the time we were supposed to be ready), the chaperon texted us to say that they will be 15min late, and at 5.45pm, the chaperon's' wife said she will go to the girls rooms to help them put on the saree. and at 6.15pm, many of the girls are still wondering which room to go to get help with their saree... tick tock tick tock... it was alms 7.30pm before the first car left the hotel. so... yeah, indian time.

the wedding itself was really interesting. very colourful, very loud, very rich in culture. we all really stood out amongst the hundreds cos we were non-indians in indian clothing! and once we entered the hall, we were ushered to the staged where a professional dancer (who had been hired for us) led us and taught us how to dance to indian music! for me, i was totally a fish out of water. i had not danced for aeons.... it felt so totally weird and i was so out of place! thankfully, not too long after, the next 3 cars arrived and the rest of the gang joined in. i took a quick retreat and just sat at the chairs to watch the merrymaking. the auspicious time for the bride and the groom to "meet" was 10.28pm and we were ushered to have our dinner first. it was a vegetarian dinner and we had to eat it the indian way - with our hands. and despite the frequent power failures that saw the whole building turned dark, dinner went on as usual. amazing right? for me, after 2 days of biryani and indian spices, my taste buds were all numbed and the vegetarian food tasted rather flat to me. admittedly, i was at the point where i was just pushing food into my mouth and drinking water to just force a swallow. not too pleasant but something i had to do so as not to appear disrespectful to the hosts. we left the wedding convention hall close to midnight. we didn't stay on for the full ceremony, that continued till the wee hours of the morning.

that was day 2 of hyderabad - very cultural.

hyderabad day 1

i visited hyderabad over the last weekend together with a group of friends to attend a friends' wedding. it was my first visit and i was curious how india would be like. had to rush to the airport immediately after work (that lasted forever!). and to make it more challenging, i got a call from an ex-colleague informing me of his mum's passing that morning. had to head to his place to pass him the funeral donations before heading the the airport... anyway, i made it to the airport on time. thankfully. and the flight was a non-event.

we arrived on the early hours of friday morning (5 jun). we were greeted by my indian friend and he had brought an entourage of his friends. it was interesting for a fact that one of the friends was in full indian saree and dotted our forehead with the pottu. the journey to the hotel took about an hour and the journey reminded me of the days when i visited the suburbs of thailand - very dark, small houses, 70's feel. then again, we were too tired to really pay attention to the details. we simply checked in, unpacked and retired. the next day was interesting as we went about shopping for clothes to wear for the wedding. we visited a few malls and shopping centers and hmmm... the malls reminded me of the those in little india in singapore - very packed, very run down, and well, to be expected, a lot of indian (duh! it's india after all). it was the first time i tried on the kurta and after trying a few different designs, i settled with one that i thought i was able to carry. it was a red/ maroon coloured piece with gold trimmings and it came with golden-coloured pants. i completed the look with a shiny maroon-coloured alibaba shoes.

frankly, by the time we guys completed our shopping, it was almost 2pm and i was already rather tired. it didn't help that the weather was hot and we were all dehydrated. the temperature registered 39 degrees celsius on the mobile phone and the heat index indicated 47 degrees celsius. nonetheless, we pressed on and visited an old indian temple - a temple made entirely of marble slabs and dedicated to lord venkatash. really enjoyed this visit and to be able to see the various indian gods. there was a brief shower just when we arrived and it was a good respite for us from the heat for the day. nonetheless, we felt the effects of the heat on top of the jet lag by the time we ended the temple visit. i supposed our chaperons (my indian friends' close friend and his wife) noticed it for they diverted us to a restaurant for lunch before we did more shoppings. lunch (at 3-ish pm) was a totally different experience altogether. due to the overzealous chaperons, we ended up being served with wave after wave of food, chicken, prawns, meat, cheese, vegetarian, etc etc etc in all the different indian flavours and chutneys of all various makes and concoctions. and just when we thought we were done, the biryani rice was served! apparently hyderabad was famous for their dum biryani. and unlike the biryani we have in singapore, the dum biryani was cooked with the meat in the rice. it was delicious and flavourful. we were all already feeling very bloated but had to force ourselves to continue eating and not waste the food. i personally thought it was quite a pain to have to go through this, and my friends felt the same. 

it was more shopping after that and we were totally shagged out by 9pm. i also sensed our chaperons getting a little impatient with the shopping when one of the ladies couldn't decide which piece to get. but the worst part of the day was after the shopping. all of us wanted so desperately to get back to the hotel and rest, but our chaperons refused to let us do so, insisting that we should do dinner first. and despite our insistence that we were still very bloated from the afternoon's biryani, they refused to let us return to our hotel. we literally became their hostages and ended up in a vegetarian restaurant where we were literally forced to eat more indian food. i could sense anger rising amongst my peers but everyone just controlled themselves and just went along with the program. the day ended with us bitching about the chaperon in the hotel - overzealous and very insensitive to our needs. then again, we just moved on and retired... totally tired out.

that was my day 1 in india - an eye opener.

wonder woman

i really cannot find much fault with this show and i give all the credits to gal gadot for the great performance. in my opinion, this show also managed to create a new wave of wonder woman fever amongst this new generation of millennia. but i do suspect many people of my generation still miss the old lynder carter version of wonder woman and her beautiful blue eyes, and how she twirled and turned and burst as she transform herself into wonder woman (and the song "wonder woman" would come on...)

:-)

no dumpling

i didn't make the meat dumpling this year during the dragon boat festival. remembered what mum told me - you cannot make dumpling while you are mourning. the act of tying the dumpling is akin to you tying the heart of the deceased. i recalled mum's warning when i wanted to make dumpling after dad's passing... so, this time round, it was not due to dad's passing but hers'. and so, for the second year, i did not make the dumpling.

should be able to do it next year.

jeremy's housewarming

i finally got the chance to eat jeremy's cooking. it's been over 17 years since i first know him. and he had often told me he'd cook for me. so... yeah, finally had the chance to eat it. and it was really good. it was also very nice for the fact that his brother and his boyfriend was there. it was a nice slow evening of just eating, watching tv, and playing with his doggie. 

very nice. very family.

:-)

get out

watched this show on tv during jeremy's housewarming two weekends ago. never really liked such movies but nonetheless watched it as everyone else wanted to. so... yeah, it was interesting. really interesting how such a plot and storyline can be developed. i wondered if there's such a real life example.

pirates of the carribean: salazar's revenge

watched this show last night and totally loved it. it is a prequel and put into perspective how the different characters came about and their relationships. and i enjoyed thoroughly the build up towards the end of the show and how everything came together. very nice! very entertaining! and yes, i can say this is one of my favourite in the whole series of pirates of the carribean shows.

applying indian visa

i will be heading to hyderabad to attend an ex-coleague's wedding next weekend and the visa application process was such a huge pain. apart from the so many questions that i felt did not make too much sense (e.g. obvious birthmarks), i also felt superbly offended by the fact that i had to give details about my late-parents. what is your father's name, what is your father's nationality, what is your father's..., and then i had to repeat for my mother. i thought that was superbly insensitive and totally uncalled for.

new passport

made and collected my new passport two days back. efficient process and i didn't get to wait long.

:-)

sister act

caught the musical "sister act" thursday at the marina bay sands mastercard theatres with a few of my friends.

would have been perfect if not for the less than ideal sound system. i had expected the musical to be similar to the movie and had looked forward to the song "i will follow him". this was, after all, the signature song of the "sister act" movie. but it wasn't there. i supposed it was due copyright issues. nonetheless, i enjoyed the performance.

and above all, nothing beats having a sumptuous afternoon high tea and a great evening of entertainment on a weekday.

:-)

picture from https://www.aspirantsg.com/

lost & found

i lost my work mobile three days ago and managed to get it back a day later. thankful that the guy that found the mobile was honest enough to meet up with me to pass it back to me.

:-)

townhalls

i had to support and make presentations to quite a few town halls lately. it was rather stressful for the fact that all the town halls seemed to come together at about the same time. 

this development was an interesting and enlightening one for me as i came to learn that my predecessor had never done such presentations before. i also learned that my predecessor didn't have good relationships with the businesses and this affected my team's morale and effectiveness. the lack of guidance and leadership also saw my staff being made to take blames unfairly when things went wrong. i was thankful that the businesses were open to me and we ended up having a very good working relationship. this saw a direct increase the collaboration between my team and the businesses which in turn resulted in enhanced morale amongst my team.

feels good that these are energising my team really well.

you're beautiful

this is a beautiful song. but i cannot help but feel the mtv depicted the character committing suicide at the end of the clip. just look at all the signs of a suicidal person - letting go of things, arranging things neatly, saying words that suggest this is the end, etc... what do you think?

you're beautiful
james blunt

my life is brilliant.

my life is brilliant.
my love is pure.
i saw an angel.
of that i'm sure.
she smiled at me on the subway.
she was with another man.
but i won't lose no sleep on that,
'cause i've got a plan.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
i saw your face in a crowded place,
and i don't know what to do,
'cause i'll never be with you.

yes, she caught my eye,
as we walked on by.
she could see from my face that i was,
flying (fucking) high.
and i don't think that i'll see her again,
but we shared a moment that will last 'til the end.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
i saw your face in a crowded place,
and i don't know what to do,
'cause i'll never be with you.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
there must be an angel with a smile on her face,
when she thought up that i should be with you.
but it's time to face the truth,
i will never be with you.

here without you

if there's one song that reminds me of the days in florida, it would be this song. whenever i listen to this, i will be transported back to tampa bay, the times i ran along the bay side, the smells, the sights, the feeling of missing home...

here without you
3 door down

a hundred days have made me older
since the last time that I saw your pretty face
a thousand lies have made me colder
and I don't think I can look at this the same

but all the miles that separate
disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

i'm here without you, baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you, baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you, baby

but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight it's only you and me, yeah.

the miles just keep rollin'
as the people leave their way to say hello
i've heard this life is overrated
but i hope that it gets better as we go, oh, yeah, yeah

i'm here without you, baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you, baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you, baby

but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight, girl, its only you and me

everything i know, and anywhere i go (oh whoa)
it gets hard but it won't take away my love (oh whoa)
and when the last one falls
when it's all said and done
it gets hard but it wont take away my love, whoa, oh, oh

i'm here without you, baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you, baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you, baby

but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight, girl, it's only you and me

alien: covenant

this show is a prequel to earlier alien shows. and as expected, it didn't deviate too far from what we already know of alien films - the kinda "i walked in knowing what to expect, and i walked out knowing i had watched what i had expected to watch" kinda feeling. but i did enjoy it as it gave me a view of how future space explorations would look like and the discoveries of new planetary systems. these are interesting scenarios, albeit one that is a little bleak given that it projects man's failure to save planet earth and thus have to resort to seeking alternatives in order to survive.

interesting politics

it's really interesting to read about the events happening in the white house. constantly surprised by the president's actions. creating havoc all round. since he ascended the throne, his domestic policies seemed to be getting everywhere but nowhere and he is making every one crazy. and on the other hand, his foreign policies seemed more mainstream than what he said he would do during his campaign... all these must be real tough for the people around him. wonder how long more they can keep up with him. feels just like a reality show. only that this time it is happening in the white house.

and with due respect, i seriously think americans deserve better.

vesak day 2017

this year's vesak day came and went. went for the usual 3-step-1-bow at the bright hill temple on vesak day eve and waited till almost 2am before the ceremony started. completed the whole ritual and got home about 5.30am. totally tired out. and for the first time since 2005, bee didn't join in. he had a bad back and couldn't be there. so... yeah, in the end it was just me and a couple of other friends. also made a trip to the sri lankan buddhist temple later in the day and had the chance to witness the retiring of the buddha relic from the temple's main hall to the monks residence. had not seen this done before and it was really an eye opener. the thing about me is that i always get a little awed and choke when i attend such ceremonies. it was the same years ago and it was the same yesterday. 

:-)

annual obligations

visited the temple last week to pay respects to the taoist deity (that my mum had prayed to). the birthday of the resident deity will be celebrated next month and they have started the month-long celebrations. i also need to fulfil my responsibilities as a "god-son" by making donations to the temple and renew my "adoption" status.

:-)

asian civilisation museum

i never fail to learn new things when i visit the museum. also, the constant renewal of the exhibits to focus on different aspects of asia is very refreshing. and this time round, there focus is on korea. 

very interesting.

月亮代表"ah ma"的心

i was at the market this morning for my breakfast and there was this guy basking there. he was playing the organ and singing some very popular songs from the 80s era. after a couple of songs, he was joined by a 30-something year old lady. i supposed the lady was his friend for they paired off very well. their singing was competent, not fantastic. i kinda enjoyed their selection of songs and i believed many did too, judging by the fact that many were singing along as they ate their breakfast. 

and as i ate, a familiar tune came on. it was teresa teng's "月亮代表我的心" (the moon represents my heart). this was an all time favourite of many and i sensed everyone's approval. by this time, everyone was familiar with the lady's voice as she started the song. then, after the first sentence, another lady's voice came on. this voice was different. it sounded rough with age and everyone turned to take a look. in place of the young lady was this 80-over year-old white haired petite sized lady. and wow, despite her age, she sang very well! 

ah ma put in all her heart as she sang. she closed her eyes and moved her hands as she belted the love song. and when she sang out the words "moon" she raised her hands and looked up, as though she was pointing to the moon... by this time, a crowd had built up. and everyone stood around, mesmerised by this old ah ma. she sang very well and hit every note accurately. and when she ended the song, everyone broke into a huge applause. ah ma smiled shyly, waved and thank everyone for their applause and limped towards her husband (presumably), who had been standing by the side quietly. and she held onto his hand and they walked away quietly. 

i could imagine ah ma dedicating that song to her husband.

it was an amazing sight.

:-)

dildos... & toys

just felt like making this very spontaneous post about

dildos & toys

they do come in all shapes and sizes don't they? 

and in all the different colours and hues too...

:-)

picture from http://blog.sheboptheshop.com/tag/dildos/ & http://www.male-hq.com/

sleep sleep sleep

i slept through most of the day today! 

i just didn't have the energy to want to get up. came back late from dinner at karen's place, woke up at 7.45am, went for breakfast with bee... usual morning routines, and then i simply knocked out from 10-ish till almost 3pm. went for a quick meal (don't even know if it was lunch or tea), came back and continued sleeping till now...

i felt soo exhausted. it must have been the very packed week.

cooking nonya chap chye

i cooked nonya chap chye for my friends last evening. that was the first time i cooked anything "big" since mum passed on in nov 2015. and since i am currently observing a vegetarian diet, i had to rely on the gang to do the taste test...

was glad everyone enjoyed it, nonetheless.

:-)

vegetarianism

i have observed a vegetarian diet for almost 2 weeks. this is an annual routine i've observed for many years. i'd start my vegetarian diet on the first day of the 4th lunar month and stop after vesak day. i recalled the first year when i did it, the 15 days seemed to last forever. i'd yearn for meat and i'd find a lot of difficulties looking for vegetarian eating places.

but these days, the 15 days seemed to pass very quickly. i supposed its partly because vegetarian eating places are quite easily found. also, i have gotten used to it and thus do not find difficulties switching to a vegetarian lifestyle. but vegetarian food are not necessarily more healthy, especially chinese vegetarian food as many are made from gluten. but yeah, all things being equal, i do make a more conscious effort to control what i eat. and this helped me better manage my weight. 

:-)

a dog's purpose

watched this over the tv last evening at karen's place. was warned that it was a tear jerker and that people who had/ has dogs as pets would break down several times during the show. but hmmm, perhaps its due to this warning that created too high an expectations. i didn't cry at all.

"a dog's purpose" was a story told through the eyes of a dog who was reincarnated several times and reunited with his owner (several lives back). touching at times, i must say. but from another perspective, funny. funny in a warped sense. how the hell does a dog reincarnate into another dog? how does the memory of one life stay on to another, etc. heh... i supposed i'm just too logical a person.

then again, the show in itself was interesting for the fact that it centred around the concept of reincarnation, a concept that is not accepted in the christian faith (i am of course making the general assumption that christianity is the most common religion in the western world)...

ok, i think too much...

post-note: i checked the net for some background of this show and learnt of allegations of animal abuse when they produced this show. a clip showing how a dog was forced into a pool was shown. my immediate thoughts when i watched the video was that there was no abuse per se. i supposed there was a very fine line between coaxing and abusing. then again, shan't go into this debate.

guardians of the galaxy vol 2

this was such an entertaining show. and its interesting for the fact that the story borders between science fiction and religion. but well, what worked for me for this movie was the fact that (1) there were a lot of songs from the 80s, (2) the crude, into-your-face, conversations, that touches your heart at times, (3) the strong acting, (4) the good looking casts, and of cos, the omg cuteness of groot!

enjoyed it lots!

no hk trip

this monday is labour day and thus, it's a long weekend. had planned to visit hong kong... made the decision sometime a couple of weeks back and had primed some of my hong kong friends about it. was looking forward to catch up with them. but it was not to be. checked the hotel prices and turned out that due to a major event being held there, the hotel price had tripled. and for a low-mid range hotel room, i had to pay some sgd400 per night.

this is too crazy. decided to give this trip a miss altogether. 

13th year

commemorated our 12th anniversary on 28 apr.

been 12 years already... (and for some unknown reasons, i kept thinking it had been more than 13 years..,)

gosh!

no penang trip

was supposed to head to penang with my ex-colleagues & bee over the last weekend to celebrate the birthday of one of them. we had planned for this trip for months. and after all the preparations, packing, etc.... it didn't happen. we didn't go in the end.

that morning itself, i got a call from bee. his mum couldn't breathe and had to be evacuated to the a&e. turned out - she had an anxiety attack. admittedly, i was angry. angry with how things turned out. it was a huge disappointment for me. i had looked forward to this trip so very much. it would be a good break for me after all the stress at work. and from the look of things, it looked like we will not be having any holiday soon. its vary frustrating cos for the longest time ever, i've tried to get him to go for a holiday with me. and every time it's a case of he cannot leave because of his work. and this time round, after months of planning, we finally managed to go for a weekend trip to penang and...

well, the penang trip did not happen.

wasted close to sgd900...

crazy work

work has been crazy...

reeeeeeally crazy. and to make things worst, i've got a highly dysfunctional team that comprise people who are not co-operative, people who are disillusioned, people who are so full of themselves, people who are so nonchalant, etc.... 

very challenging.

slipped disc

the doctor confirmed that i have slipped disk. but for now, theres no requirement to undergo any operations, he said, unless i wanted to. not a good sign. and with time, this can only get worst. 

haiz.

pop aye

caught this movie over the last weekend. it was an interesting show about the adventures of a man and his elephant. and if you were to look deeper into the story, it has a very strong buddhist slant, in my opinion. to me, this show is about life, about letting go, about self-discovery.

thoroughly enjoyed it.

cancer check

had a medical exam done and the doctor scheduled me for a colonoscopy. accordingly, this is advocated for men above 50 to detect possibility of colon cancer. the initial consultation to confirm i'm fit to undergo colonoscopy will be in jul 2017...

smurfs: the lost village

i had second thoughts before watching this. people around me, including bee, gave me the wet blanket and expressed things like - huh? smurfs? - when i asked if they wanted to watch it. so... yeah, you kinda guessed it. i went to watch the show alone. the cinema was near empty (i think i was one of the 2 or 3 people in the hall), but i didn't regret. i enjoyed the show. for the first time, the show gave depth to the background of how smurfette came about. and it was interesting cos after so many years, i never knew about this story. so... it came across as refreshing, and i actually liked it.

:-)

ah ma's red car

i had a very meaningful experience this afternoon. for that matter, i felt a little overwhelmed by how an old and frail elderly couple kept to each other, almost inseparable, and how the ah gong tried his best to seek medical help for ah ma. here's what happened.

i was at marine terrace earlier for my afternoon coffee. as i walked towards the coffee shop, i saw an elderly couple. they were probably in their mid-late 80s. both looked a little roundish, but frail. ah ma was on a wheelchair and ah gong stood at the back, hands on handles. they were at the linkway between two blocks and were hidden from the car park. as i walked towards them, they both smiled at me, the kind of gentle smile that we can only see in elderlies. and ah ma raised her hand slowly and called out to me in very soft voice - did u see a red car? the question came out of no where and i didn't understand what she meant. i walked towards her and moved my head down to her ears and asked - what red car? and she repeated softly red car as she looked at me, a little bewildered. i looked up at ah gong and he said - the red car that comes when we call 995.

my mind started racing. 995 is the number for medical emergencies in singapore. something must be wrong, i thought. i walked quickly out to the car park to see if there was an ambulance. the car park hidden away from the main road and where the couple stood was not visible from the car park. i walked back to the elderly couple. no, there wasn't an ambulance, i said. both of them looked worried but kept their half smiles. i told them to wait a while and i went to check again. i walked around the car park but there was just no ambulance in sight. when i got back, they had apparently gotten worried for they had also asked a few other passerby if they had seen a "red car". a few ignored them and walked off. i asked the ah gong if he recalled where he had directed the ambulance to. thankfully, he remembered and said "block 58". i walked out and looked up the block for the block number. it was block 59. oops...

i got worried for them and told them to wait while i walked out to the car park to check again. and to be sure there was indeed a call registered, i called 995. i spoke to the operator and explained the situation to him. thankfully they had their records and the operator told me their ambulance should be there within 5min. to be sure they get to the right location, the operator requested for me to help guide the ambulance when it arrives. i walked back to inform the elderly couple and they heaved a sigh of relief. i walked back to the car park and kept a look out as i kept visual contact with ah gong. when i saw the ambulance enter the car park, i waved at it frantically and managed to guide it to where i was. at the same time, i signalled for ah gong to push the wheel chair out. he had some difficulties  and i ran to him to assist. the whole feeling of pushing the wheelchair certainly felt so familiar. i had done the same for my own mum way too often back then. the memories just flashed by. 

the ambulance stopped and then we came faced with another issue. the ambulance attendants were all malay and the elderly couple spoke only mandarin. naturally, i became the translator. what happened? did you fall, did you experience chest pains, did you have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, heart issues, medical history, etc etc etc. and after taking down the notes, they said they needed to transfer ah ma onto the collapsible bed. no i cannot, said ah ma. my legs are painful. i cannot stand. no, no, i cannot stand. she said as she grabbed the handle of her wheelchair tightly. her words all sounded way too familiar to me. my own mum had said the same thing back then. instinctively, i turned to her and calmly explain to her that the attendants will help her. she looked at me, understood me and let go of her hands. she looked at me again and she tried to stand up, amidst some pains. the attendants came together like a drill and held onto her diapers, waist and her shoulder and eventually managed to place her onto the collapsible bed. all these while, ah gong stood and looked on. and then came another issue. 

uncle, you cannot bring the wheelchair along, the attendant said. you need to bring it home and we will wait for you here. it took a while for ah gong to understand. and ah ma was obviously getting very worried. where is he going, where am i going. will i be going alone... she asked as she kept straining her head forward to catch sight of ah gong. seeing her in this state, i quickly reach out to her, held her hand and explained to her slowly about the wheelchair. as i spoke with her, i looked into her eyes and noted the blur cloudy eyes so commonly seen amongst elderlies. ah ma, don't worry ok, ah gong is going to put the wheelchair home and he will come down and accompany you to the hospital. i had to repeat it a few times before she understood. after i calmed her down, i walked quickly up to the ah gong who had started to walk home as he gingerly pushed the wheelchair. ah gong himself looked so frail. it was heartbreaking. i walked alongside and assured him all's well and that ah ma will be in good hands. and as i spoke to him, he suddenly turned to me, and held my hands with both hands, looked me into my eyes and asked in chinese what's your surname (in chinese, we don't ask for names, we ask for surname). i want to thank you...

it was really very touching. 

love, in dollars and cents

i noted a very interesting conversation between a father and a daughter that sat beside me during lunch.

the daughter said something about her mum rejecting her offer to buy the family dinner once a week and to foot the car parking charges for the family car when she drives. the father smiled and in response, casually asked if she's gonna cover the petrol and whether she's also gonna get a cash card for her own use (for car parking)... the daughter's stared at the father and very quickly told the dad that he's pushing a bit too far. she added that if that's the case, she'd seriously reconsider buying dinner after all. she finished off by saying that the dinner would likely cost more that the petrol and the cash card, lalala...

i stopped listening at that point as my mind starting reflecting on this whole conversation. there were so many layers in this conversation that made me feel disturbed...

firstly, it was the transactional nature of this conversation. offering to contribute back to the family was so much simpler when i was younger. supporting me was something done without questions as what all parents would do and returning back was an act of gratitude that was done from the heart. it wasn't so transactional. it was just a case of me offering a certain amount of money to my mum from my pay to help with household expenses. no questions asked, no negotiation.

secondly, i pondered about the values inculcation journey of this young lady. in another words, did the parents actually bring her up well? we have here a young lady who went to the point to consider taking away a dinner because her dad suggested she also cover the petrol... i've never dared talk to my parents in such manner and tones. i deemed such responses disrespectful.

lastly, i asked if we, as a society, have reached a point where we become so materialistic - so much so that we have to be so calculative and go to this detail in accounting for expenses. and to stretch this thought further, have we inadvertently commoditised (to a small extend) the whole idea of relationship?

ok, i think too much. maybe the long and short of this was simply - a generation gap.

it's nice to just sit down and write.

:-)

stress-induced dream

i think it was because of my work stress that i ended up having this interesting and very intense dream last night. and i can kinda guess what this dream meant broadly. you see, out of the so many briefings i had to do and prepare, i was especially stressed out over a particular briefing. nonetheless, i was kinda cool about it and didn't too much a damned over the slides despite knowing it was something i should work on. my cool care-less attitude towards this particular briefing was because after i prepared the draft and presented to my department lead (as she had to lead this brief to a particular member of my top management), she kinda tore it apart yet couldn't really give any clear directions. and i sensed that even my department lead was trying to second guess what to present. and this was becos this top management person i'm supposed to brief is "unbriefable". almost everyone else i'd met thus far shared that regardless of how hard work i worked and what i prepare, i will still be torn apart by this particular top management person. apparently, she simply likes to scold people and make snide remarks just so she could tear people to pieces. and after hearing all these inputs, i started adopting this - "prepare also get killed, don't prepare also get killed, might as well just go in and get killed" - attitude. and i did so cos i wanted to channel my energies to the other briefings that i had to prepare too. i concluded it would be more productive this way... regardless, i was constantly irked and reminded at the back of my head that i have this lingering brief that i had not done enough of... anyway, here's my intense dream:

for some reasons i was in an old lorry (truck, to some), the type that was used often back in the 60's-70s, and it was driven by a tv actor (cannot recall his name, but this person is a small time local tv personality). he was driving the lorry through some rough terrain and i was a passenger in the lorry passenger seat. there was another person beside me - i don't know who but i can only say this was a familiar person as i knew his voice. we were heading home and the landscape was that of my grandparent's village back in the 60s-70s. 

we were on the dirt road when suddenly the driver took a detour and drove "cross-country". he started cutting through the grass patches, the metal yards (that had waste metal strewn all over), as he picked up speed. the voice beside me started screaming for the driver to slow down and demanded to know why he went off track and took a different road instead. the voice started sounding fearful and angry. as for me, i took it in stride. i knew the driver knew the road and his way around the area. i was confident he was taking a short cut as the route he took seemed familiar to me. 

as we picked up speed, the lorry began to rattle and bounced rather hard. we were after all, travelling cross-country and the grounds were highly uneven. soon, a river emerge and the lorry drove alongside the river. i recognised this river. it was located behind my grand parent's village. i looked into the water and there were many animals. the animals were all motionless and seemed to be frozen in time. amongst the animals was a white dog. it sat motionless with a pleasant looking smily face. it was submerged in the water and stared blankly into no where.

suddenly, the driver drove the lorry into the river. at such a high speed, the lorry crashed into and break the water surface and created quite a huge splash. it moved on towards the opposite bank. but before it could reach the bank, the lorry died. we were all submerged in the water and started sinking. at the moment, everything seemed to disappear and i was simply focused onto the dog. it was obviously dead and seemed to be frozen in time in the water. i reached out to it but it didn't move. it reminded me of sapphie although it wasn't. and next thing i knew, another dog appeared. it appeared to be struggling and swimming towards the bank. i reached out to it and it happily allowed me to embrace it as i carried it in my arms and walk towards the bank.

the dream ended there.

stressed

i've been so caught up with work so much these 2 weeks.

and it is all because this week alone, i have to attend/ prepare/ conduct 6-7 briefings to different members of my company's top management. and along the way, shit happened, my staff had to go on compassionate leave and i had to cover him, two of my staff went on scheduled leave and i had to cover them as well, and my boss-2-levels-up decided to do an impromptu activity in a workshop that required my immediate attention to develop the activity, prepare slides, develop materials, work out the logistics, draft the instructions, and... yeah, you kinda get the drift.

anyway, things have panned out rather ok so far. and without going into details, things kinda fell into place slowly. people helped, circumstances changed, meetings got postponed, new meetings were convened where people gave their inputs/ support, etc... i am almost through with this week. one more day and one more major event and i should be done for the week.

whew...

:-)

april fool's day

i was rather mad with one of my ex-colleague who texted the group (that i am quite close to) expressing shock about her "pregnancy". of cos a few of us got worried as we had been cautioning her about her new relationship with this australian  man (whom she had just gotten to know)... 

and as the title had already indicated, it turned out to be an april fool's joke. seriously, one should never play such jokes on people who truly care for you. it is nothing short of cruel. and it wears down the trust people have in you. 

seriously...

power rangers

have never been a power ranger fan. but still i decided i should watch this show and yeah, i enjoyed it tremendously. i supposed it was the whole escape from the current reality that this show provided me with. had been stressed by lotsa stuff lately. that would be another story altogether. anyway, this show didn't steer too far away from what i knew of power rangers - there are several of them and one of them turned bad and they (the good ones) had to go into battle with it (can be him or her, depending on which series...).

should watch it if you have not.