crying nephew

i nephew is now 21months old and he is turning into a cry baby. 

there are several reasons for this and they include sibling rivalry, crying for attention and insecurity. whenever his sister pulls away stuff from him, or when his mother didn't give him the attention he wants, or when he gets ticked off, he would prone down, drop his head onto the floor and starts to wail. often, there were no tears. 

i was irked by this response of his and would often tell him this is not the right behaviour. as for his mother, she would give in to him all the time. she would pick him up every time he goes into this wailing mode. to me, it was a reinforcing kinda thing and should not have happened. and last week, when he went into this wailing mode, i picked him up and told him not to do so, sensing he couldn't get through me, he wailed even louder. i raised my voice firmed and told him not to do so and he wailed even louder. his mother came and wanted to carry him but i stopped her. seeing this, he went even louder and it looked like he was going to collapse from crying. the mother's heart soften and wanted to take him from me. i told her not to. this repeated a few times and i could sense his mother getting angry with me. i relented and gave him to her. i advised her to read up on handling such behaviour and she curtly responded that she had no time.

awkward silence occurred for a couple of days after that incident. in the end, i told myself that i had done what i needed to do. the responsibility of bringing up the kid lies with the parents. i can only partake in this responsibility when i visit them and from an advisory angle. if the child grows up wrong, i will have to just let him be.

above all, i do remind myself that after my mum passes away, i must slowly wean myself off them.

don't take sour stuffs!

i was at the market yesterday. 

mum and i noted that the buah rambai is in season. asked mum if she wanted but she declined. like me, she didn't like this fruit. the maid, who was standing beside us was curious and asked if it tastes bad. i told her it tastes a little sour and hearing this, her eyes sparkled and she exclaimed sour?! good good! i could almost imagined her asking me to buy for her.

i didn't feel good about this and my immediate response was to tell her that sour food is not good if taken in excessive amounts. you see, in her attempts to reduce weight she had been constantly asking me to buy lime for her. she had started on this slimming down efforts since a couple of months back and apart from eating reduced amounts of food, she would also drink lime juice almost daily. well, i can see her size has reduced significantly and compared to her relatively fat frame when she first arrived, she is rather slim and shapely now. but if she goes on this way, the likelihood of getting stomach ulcer is very high!

anyway, back to yesterday. i told her quite abruptly sour good? what good? if you keep taking sour things, your stomach will tear and you will get sick. and if you continue, you might end up with stomach cancer! just look at all the lime you are taking all these while! and as i said it almost immediately after her response and she immediately retracted. her face changed and she quietly said ok ok. she maintained an awkward silence for a while after that. i knew i might have come across as harsh sounding, but i find it difficult to have a maid who is showing her vanity increasingly.

and today at the market, she did not ask me to buy lime for her. 

financial position

i met up with my banking agent recently and he gave me a run down of my investments. i must admit i am not a person who loves money to the point of actively monitoring my investments. money is to allow me to sustain and i do not have the habit to constantly monitor and manage my monies. so...

anyway, through one of my attempts to invest last year, i got to know this banker. apart from helping me, he also took a look at my port folio and he almost fell off the chair. i had been losing a significant amount of my investments over the years! and with that he asked if i could allow him to review and make some recommendations. i agreed and eventually allowed him to manage my portfolio for me. i must say that was one of the better decisions i have made regarding my money management.

it's been a year and today, he has managed to get rid of all non-performing products, purchased (with my consent) products that are profitable, and almost reduced my loss to no more than a couple of thousands. couple with that, i have purchased some mid-term insurance that would help me when i retire. i had also been able to slowly reduced my housing loans since then. so nett-nett, i must say my financial position is a lot better compared to say 2 years ago, despite the fact that my cash available did not seemed to have grown (or for that matter decreased). so... 

i really need to learn to manage my monies.

financial jolt this month

the recent repair works to my pipe leakages set me back by sgd2.2k this month. this was something unexpected and i must say, i am feeling the pinch now. usually, i would only feel the pinch 2-3 days before my pay day but this month, it is still a week-plus away.

no good, no good...

sleepy mum

mum has been rather stable over the past months but i note she had been very sleepy over the last couple of weeks. she'd fall asleep and complain of insufficient sleep. and her forgetfulness had worsen significantly. i suspect it's cos her body has been slowly deprived of oxygen.

and so i took her spo2 level reading (oxygen saturation level of her blood) yesterday and noted it was in the range of mid-high-70%. it was not a good reading. a normal person would be above 95% and for her, about mid-high-80%. i was concerned and decided to give her some additional puffs of salbutamol as i increased her oxygen machine up to 4.5l. it helped. the spo2 level went up about mid-80% but the level dropped quickly to the 70%-range again very quickly. this was not good. it suggests her lungs are getting worst. i took the reading again today and noted the same trend. 

if this goes on, she'll be in deep trouble. need to do some immediate intervention. for a start, i have started giving her the nebuliser and prednisolone. for now, her oxygen-level has gone up to the high-80%. let's hope her condition stabilises in the next couple of days.

mum's self-created tensions

mum has this habit of complaining about the maid. i could only attribute her behaviour to her paranoia. you see, frequently and out of no where, she would make statements like... 

today, i do not know where the hell the maid went to, she said she wanted to go to the toilet and disappeared for a long time... or today, the maid very daring. during lunch chatted non-stop with another maid. 

i interpret these statements as mum's fear of the maid conniving with people to harm her as she had openly told me of her suspicions many a times before, or 

the maid very daring, ask money from me to head out of the rehab centre for lunch... or the maid very luxurious, the rehab centre provides food and she complained it is not nice, and asked money from me to head out for lunch... 

sighs... all these despite telling her again and again that the maid is not a patient of the rehab centre and has the ability and freedom to do what she likes, and providing lunch for her is our responsibility. if she eats in the rehab centre, they will charge me by the end of the month. otherwise, we need to pay for her lunch... had been explaining to her and assuring her that everything is fine but she insist that the maid must not wander around and that the maid must eat what the rehab centre provides...

sighs...

fruitful day

took time off work for my otolaryngology appointment and was given a day's medical leave. and i used the day to bank in my check, undergo my chiro treatment, collect my birth certificate extract, collect mum's medication from the hospital and of cos, tan at the pool - twice for that matter.

such a fruitful day.

:-)

nose ok, stomach next

went for my otolaryngology appointment this morning and had a scope done on my nasal and buccal cavity. all clear. no growth apart from some reddening seen around the areas near my throat. that probably explained my sore throat lately, said the doctor. and given my frequent complain of reflux, she suggested and i agreed to undergo a stomach scope to determine if i have a case of overactive bacteria in my stomach. to be done in dec 14 before another review in jan 15.

for now, to continue with my nasal spray and where necessary, the medication to control the back flow and the reflux.

:-)

sad disappointing sight

this was what i saw earlier when i brought mum to the shopping centre.

a close-to-80 yr old ah ma pushing a pram with a 3-4yr old princess-acting girl. the girl was wearing some bright pink blouse with pictures of a disney princess and matching bright pink sneakers. and she sat with her leg crossed as she held onto a packet of juice. the ah ma was, however, walking with a slight limp and spoke with an accent that suggest she's from mainland china.

i had half the mind to ask the girl to get off the pram and walk! and i thought the princess's father (presumably the ah ma's son) ought to be taught a lesson! 

bloody hell!

then again, if ah ma does it willingly, what can i say right? i do see such sights more these days and i do think, regretfully, that our values education of our kids as a generation is slowly deteriorating. 

sighs...

awkward moments

well, we finally had lunch with the company top man after 5 months. 

and it was indeed an interesting lunch. i was looking at his body language and it was clear he was not comfortable. there were awkward moments throughout the lunch. i could see he is an introverted person (going by mbti profiling) and socialising and talking to people was probably not within his comfort zone. and thus, there were many moments where he folded his arms as he spoke. it was only during the eating moments that he got a little more comfortable. but once the eating ended and small talk started to pick up again, the topics spoken were all over the place. weird.

and finally, when the table was cleared and he started to talk serious stuff, he came across as a little impatient as he kept fidgeting his fingers and shook his legs. this body language was kinda interesting and did not commensurate with the very serious question he asked - why we didn't like the company. altogether, it came across as all not too sincere. 

then again, it was the first time he interacted with us and for this, i supposed it was a good start. and yes, kudos to him for making the efforts to memorise all our names.

bad singing

i woke up this morning and sat beside mum as she watched the tv. the tv showed clips of a local chinese singing competition "绝对 superstar". and maybe it's becos of the excellent experience i had with 中国好声音 (voice of china), but i really cringe when i watched the superstar thingee.

the singing was really terrible, standards was low, production value was crap, etc. and to top it off, the singers carried themselves and acted like they were some superstar. it was really unbearable. at that very moment, a mental debate kicked off in my head. ok, granted that we have to provide opportunities to groom budding artistes and such shows do just that. but when i saw the show, i really appreciated the need to be critical and harsh cos let's face it - it's the survival of the fittest. and if the singers cannot survive harsh criticisms, they simply end up embarrassing themselves.

ewww...

dreams again

last night was again a night of dreams. 

and this time round, it was about a funeral. certain parts of the dream was vivid to me whereas certain parts were kinda blur. what i could remember was that i was involved in a taoist funeral ceremony. it seemed like there were many people in the dream but i was the only one involved directly in it. in the dream, the funeral rites had begun and we were in the process of transporting the coffin on its final journey (no idea if it was a burial or a cremation). and i was given 2 sets of joss sticks - green-based and red-based. as a guide, green-based joss sticks are used for the dead and red-based joss sticks for either gods or those who lived pass 80-years of age. anyway...

for some strange reasons, the scene changed to a room and the funeral ceremony that was happening was put on hold and the procession was waiting outside the room. in the room was a square table and around this square table sat 4 persons. i couldn't recall who these four persons were except that the two sitting closest to me were a man and a lady. they were discussing how to proceed with the funeral procession and it seemed like the decision was to put it on hold. as they were discussing, my joss sticks continued to burn and it came to a time where the joss sticks were almost completely burned off. i decided i couldn't wait anymore and called out to them and asked them to hurry up.

the dream ended there...

it was a really interesting dream. and with some reflections, i think i can figure out what this dream was about. i supposed the funeral procession that was on-going was related to my current process of ending my current job. i have technically moved on from my current job although i have not tendered and thus, the funeral procession was still on-going.

that the funeral procession was put on hold and where a table of 4 persons (with vivid view of a man and a lady) discussing if it should proceed probably relate to the current events where i had been interviewed by a man followed by a lady and another telephone interview by a person whom i did not get to see (thus i cannot figure out the face of the other 2 persons in the dream). the process of discussing reflect current on-going deliberations by the bank.

and finally, the fact that i was impatient and wanted an answer given that the joss-sticks i was holding was burning out... well, this is kinda easy to answer after interpreting the above. but still, i cannot fully explain what the joss sticks are except perhaps it signifies a certain time that is running out.

hmmm... i am beginning to enjoy this dream interpretation process.

:-)

lunch with top man

we will be having lunch with our top boss tomorrow. kinda awkward and none of us know what to expect. for that matter, many had planned to sit as far away from him as possible. then again, its an long overdue meet. he's been with the company for 5 months plus and this is the first time he had made a gesture to want to reach out to my department.

let's see how things go. i heard he is a nice person.

hmmm...

mushrooms & mould

mushrooms continue to sprout both inside and outside my kitchen cabinet. and the utility room wall continue to show signs of mould growth. it's been 4 days since the leaking pipes were repaired. i supposed i need to give it more time for the wood and the wall to dry up. at least the wall is not leaking water now.

:-)

strange dreams

last night was interesting. it was a night full of dreams, back to back. there were at least 4-5 of them just before i woke up. and interestingly, i woke up at about 6am, and deciding it was a tat too early and went back to sleep. i woke up at 7am finally and in that one hour, i dreamt another dream or two. these last dreams were to close the earlier series of dreams that were left hanging without a proper ended. lol! weird right? anyway, i could vaguely recall the dreams in detail. but roughly, they comprised the following...

• this was one of the first dreams. in the dream, i was both the first person involved in the action as well as a third person by-stander. the dream setting was that of a very tall hill and there were a lot of steps that led to the top. these steps resembled the aztec pyramids and was brick coloured. i was climbing up a steps and i was aware there were others doing so too, both men and women. the climbing became a competition of sorts and for some reasons, the women stopped just before the top, whereas men would progress all the way to the top. then again, all these climbing occurred in the my mind as a bystander in the dream. and i rationalised that the steps were symbolic of a corporate ladder and that there was a glass ceiling effect of sorts for woman. the dream ended just like that.

• in another dream, the steps (in the above dream) was still around but we were no longer climbing. the scene in the dream transformed to that of a headquarters. it reminded me of mindef headquarters. i was somehow attached to a classified unit at the basement and there were lots of people in the dream. for some reasons, the basement was superbly crowded. and then someone called out to me. he was a colleague who worked in the above ground levels and seeing me at the basement, he told me i should head "upstairs" and led to to the above ground levels. for some strange reasons, i wanted to resist as i was not supposed to be there and didn't want my identity compromised. but i didn't. i went along and when i arrived at level 1, i noted my pass did provide me the ability to access level 1. the dream ended there.

• the scene of the dream remained the same as the above. now, i was walking around aimlessly at the basement after visiting the toilet. and as in the above dream, there lots of people. there was a very long queue. the queue led to the toilet. but somehow, i noted there were both men and ladies  in the queue. many of the ladies looked like they couldn't hold on to their bladders anymore and were moving around awkwardly. i found myself in the queue somehow and in front of me were a group of male students. and then for some unknown reasons, i told the boys that they were in the wrong queue and they should head to the male toilet round the corner instead. the dream ended there.

• there was another dream. the setting was somewhat similar to the above. it seemed like a continuation of the dream, but i was convinced it was not. there was a break in between. this time round, all the boys broke away from the queue and i brought them to the guys toilet around the corner. they headed into the toilet and somehow, the toilet seemed very quiet. there was an awkward silence in the toilet and it seemed like the toilet interior led to somewhere deeper and more secretive. for a moment, there were also people wearing suit and tie walking out of it. it felt awkward. the dream ended there.

these were what i could recall. there were a few others. distinctly different. but yeah, i couldn't recall them. weird right? i must have been too stressed.

lol.

childhood cakes

this is a childhood treat that is mostly used as offerings to taoist dieties these days. we can easily recognise it from the pink paper wrappings. and yes, it has no brand. it used to be sold by small hawker make shift stores or at those old traditional bakeries. and they are best eaten the ah pek (old chinese uncle) way - by dipping into kopi-o (the local version of long black). 

yumz!

taste of childhood

for whatever reasons, i yearn for ice cream soda these couple of days. it represents the taste of my childhood. perhaps it is due to the familiarity that the taste reminds me of, or the sense of comfort. whatever the case, i just yearn for it.

and thinking about the taste of drinks that reminds me of my childhood, they include drinks such as f&n ice cream soda, f&n orange, fanta green drink (i think the flavour is banana), and fanta grape amongst others.

:-)

picture from http://365days2play.com

dilemmas of job search

lets' take a recap of my job search process so far. 

first, i had gone through 3 rounds of interview with a bank. it was a bottom-up interview process and i am expecting them to revert sometime next week with the outcome. things started off very positively and the chemistry was really good. very structured environment, clear objectives ahead. office near my place. its been 2 weeks since i spoke to the potential reporting manager and frankly (and objectively), i am beginning to ask if the chemistry could have been better. i don't know.

secondly, i had also gone for an exploratory chat with another company last friday. this was a family-run company with a huge asia pac footprint and the top man is known to be a very benevolent person who is very philosophical and whose thoughts are very ill-structured. the chat was with the head of the function and ended very positively. she had asked for me to go through a series of interviews to allow the reporting manager and senior management to get to know me and me them. in a way, this was a top-down process and the function head had kicked start the recruitment process. as of now, i have completed all the psychometric tests required and they have arranged for a series of interviews. and to cut short the process, they have also asked for my expectations (in terms of package) so that they can work out something quickly. all these were in view of the possibility of an offer by the bank next week. and so, their request to me was - try to delay as long as possible. i must add that although the chemistry was very good, the scope of the job was very conceptual (aka fuzzy) and unclear as the position is new and the scope of this position is very much the personal interest of the top man now. the office is in town but very accessible.

thirdly, a headhunter had given my resumé to a former-government related company that had since corporatised. that was last month and they have not gotten back. this is not something i want to pursue but had decided to go ahead and submit my resumé for the "fun" of it. heh...

lastly, another headhunter called last friday and wanted to talk about a role with an mnc. he had asked for me resumé and i have agreed to send it to him. again, this is not something i am keen cos from the initial conversation, the scope did not something like something i'd enjoy doing. nonetheless, it is always good to spread my choices and cast my net wide. all things being equal, it would help me network.

so there. a total of four opportunities and all at at various stage of development. i am not too keen to look at the last two. as for the first two, one is structured and familiar and the other is ill-structured and broad (aka not clear). it would be really great if both make the offers but that would also mean i need to decide which one i want. and this is my current dilemma. i can go along a well charted path or choose another path that is ill-defined and challenging. but of course, i probably want to hold off this stress until both make the offer. and i will probably need to list out the implications for me and make a comparison to help me decide. for all i know, one or worst still, both decide not to make any offers. and if that happens, i'll be back to square one.

lol!

repair works completed

the repair works was completed by about 1-ish yesterday.

the whole works cost me 2.2k but the finish was good. and it was a huge cleaning effort after that. both the maid and i cleaned the house and we did not finish the house until close to 6.30pm. if not for a dinner we had to attend at 7pm, we might have gone on till late evening! 

so for now, everything is back to normal. 

:-)

profiling tools

wow... it's been a long time but i had just been made to go through 4 profiling tools! have done 2 of them before (mbti and disc) but the other two are new to me and it's interesting to see the questions asked. but frankly, i think they are asking the same things but perhaps slightly from different angles.

and i decide to be authentic and not skew the answers when answering.

:-)

headhunter...

am totally not sure why and could only thank my lucky stars. a headhunter called me this afternoon and wanted to pursue a possible opening with an overseas mnc. asked me to submit my resume and that he would arrange for an interview to discuss further my interest areas...

really weird and really interesting. this time round, my transition seemed to be so so so smooth, i have technically not done any active job search. rather, people have been calling me and asking me to consider this and that... i am beginning to fully understand the power of knowing the right people and being helpful to people.

you really never know how someone whom you have helped previously could be your saviour now.

:-)

wow wow wow

ok, i guessed i am a little overwhelmed currently.

went for an exploratory chat with a potential employer this afternoon and the whole conversation ended with the person so keen to want to have me as part of the team that she initiated the resourcing process immediately. and within hours, the talent resourcing person has gotten into contact with me, gotten my details with regards my current package, arranged for follow up interviews with a few persons, etc... and all these rush becos i told them i am in the advance stage of discussion with another company about potential opportunities...

kinda overwhelmed by the speed of this whole conversation and the interest shown. rather exciting i must say. for some reasons, i guessed the conversation allowed them to understand my thoughts about issues like my approach to life, my thinking about how things should be managed, how relationships are important, etc. and the person that interviewed me was very keen to wanna pursue the conversation further. 

anyway, i will wait for the bank to get back to me and see if they are keen to make an offer. as far as this afternoon's exploratory chat was concerned, it was also highly positive and they have asked me to buy as much time as i could so that i can go through the due processes of interviews before i make any decision. so...

lets see how things go. again, i am keeping my options open cos as long as the offer is not accepted, i will still have the flexibility to exercise my options to decide which one is more suitable for me....

:-)

water "rationing"

it felt like water rationing all over again these two days. 

you see, the water to the house was stopped to allow repair works of the water pipes. and in the end, we had to stock up water in the house and on top of that, adjust our daily routines that require huge amounts of water (such as showering at the swimming toilets)!

but it was a good reminder that we shouldn't take our water supply for granted.

:-)

reflecting 2014 (so far)

i started off this year by outlining some broad guidelines to how i wanted to live this year and with the desire to want to make this year a fulfilling year. more than 8 months have passed since. so where am i? how much have i being able to conduct my life according to these broad guidelines? reflecting, i wouldn't say it is a fulfilling year per se for all aspects. and for some, it was beyond what i could control. nonetheless, i think i have fared reasonably ok. i will continue to remind myself about my aims in the months ahead. here's my reflections about 2014 thus far...

personal life

i wanted to continue better managing my priorities better and have meaningful self-time. i think have fared fairly well this area. giving myself the space to watch shows, tan at swimming pools, evening exercises, read some books, etc. and this was in part due to my mum's general improvement in her health and mental state. she was less agitated and i was able to find some better time for myself without causing too much anxiety to her. i supposed her increased forgetfulness also helped. heh... i rate myself 7/10 in this area.

health 

i will be healthy. so i wanted. technically speaking, i had been healthy this year in terms of frequency of flu i experienced. otherwise, i suffered another bout of kidney stones. so i would say, within my controls, i was able to maintain my health. so, yeah... 6/10 for this.

mum 

i told myself i wanted to look after & provide for her to my best abilities. i give myself 9.5/10 for this. and i gave this score in view of her very stable health and mental states over the year. and i deduct the 0.5 points for the fact that i had over the span of the year, also lost my cool (at least in my head) a couple of times. i need to continue to work on my patience.

bee

i wanted to work with him to see how best we can make our time together meaningful. we had somehow come to a common routine of meeting up at least once a week. but as in all relationships, i guess we can make this better. 7/10 for this.

sapphie 

i wanted to give her love & good quality time. i rate myself 8.5/10 for this. i have given her all the attention i needed and can spare. and her growing older and weaker made me realise that her time with me is also fast reducing. i think i will probably lose her in a year or two from now. grand old dame for a dog to be able to live up till then too. heh...

siblings 

told myself i wanted no expectations other than keep them informed of mum's health. i have achieved this fully. no expectations and no tensions. so, for this area - 10/10! 

work 

i wanted to strengthen my team and deepen our professional relationship. for me, a person who loves to coach my staff and assume i can be dispensable, i would love to say i achieve 10/10 in this area. but things were out of my hand. circumstance has it that the change in management saw a huge diminished scope for what my team and all the new projects i had planned at the start of the year got cancelled overnight. this naturally reduced the opportunities and scope where i could develop my staff in. nonetheless, within my abilities, i have made the conscious efforts to increase the opportunities for my staff to undertake more developmental work. and as she did so, coach her and deepen her knowledge. for all that, i rate myself 8/10.

friends 

again, not much expectations in this other that to continue to engage my friends. i am happy to note that i have been able to do this. nonetheless, i also note that i had focus on a small group of friends and have not expand my efforts to a larger group of not-so-close friends. so for this, 8/10.

bloggers

i wanted to continue to blog. the numbers and hopefully, quality of reflections, speak for itself. 10/10.

well, as usual, looking at the trends, generally those goals framed with little or no expectations tend to have fared much better. kinda expected right? so, nett nett, and adding up the scores, i got 74/100 or 7.4/10. is that good (enough)? i supposed it's alright. but, yeah, i could have fared better.

heh heh... let's see whether i can improve this score to at least an 8/10 by the end of this year.

:-)

job portals

i was (and am) quite pissed off with the job-portal monster. i registered an account with it some 3-4 years back and had not really used it since. decided not to use it after it's agent started calling me and kept pushing me to buy their services after some months and i had not bothered about my account there. that was sometime in 2012 (if i recall correctly).

recently, for whatever reasons, i started getting mailers from the portal again. i didn't want to get such mailers and decided to unsubscribe myself from the email list. and that was what i did. i relogged into the portal again and uncheck all the ticked boxes. on top of that i deactivated and cancelled my account. that was the start of my nightmare.

i ended up getting more mailers from them, and this time, even from so-called "employers" using monster services. feeling somewhat irked by the constant spams, i clicked on the "unsubscribe" link provided in the mail. and i was asked to log in to the portal to uncheck the boxes. i tried and naturally, i couldn't as i had deactivated my account!  feeling pissed, i wrote in to the monster contact. there was no response. and the day after, i got more spams. i then decided to escalate the mail to the next level and soon enough, a manager replied, asking for my patience with his team. that was 2 days ago and today, i got more spams...

wtf!

repair works started

following yesterday's cutting and clearing, it was concluded that the repair works will last till friday evening (tomorrow) instead of today. and as of now, the whole house is in a mess.

on top of the stuff that was moved out of the utility room, the house is now covered with a layer of fine sand that resulted from the drilling of the walls. it gonna be a huge challenge cleaning up the mess when the whole repair works is completed tomorrow.

but heh... i have a maid, right? haha... but no, it is not responsible to expect her to clear the whole mess. apart from cleaning the dust, i also intend to make use of this opportunity to throw away stuff that i had kept in the room for many years. admittedly, i feel sentimental about many of these stuff - stuff that i had kept since my schooldays back in the 70s/80s. then again, it is something i need to learn to let go. maybe i should start by clearing the stuff selectively.

let's see how things go.

:-)

"i thought it's tomorrow"

i don't like what is happening.

the contractor was supposed to come this morning at 10.30am. but until 11am, he had not arrived. and as usual, mum got anxious and asked loads of questions - why is he not here? what time did he say he wanted to come? why is he late? etc... and her chain of thought began to also shift as she started asking things like - how much will the repairs cost? do you need to put a deposit? did you bargain with him? how does he look like? and it was non-stop...

it was obvious she was getting anxious. and this anxiety does not do good to me cos i myself was getting irritated with the contractor. i sms-ed the contractor and the next thing i know, he called up. ehhh, my schedule say tomolo leh! how come you waiting for me today? he asked me in teochew. after clarifying the whole issue, he apologized and told me he would get his guys there by the afternoon.

might as well. pushing the start time to the afternoon would allow me to settle mum's lunch first.

let's see how things go...

working from home

tomorrow, mum will not be heading to the rehab centre as they are having an excursion for the residents and mum had opted out of the event. it so happened that i'll be doing the repairs for the leaks tomorrow and i have asked for permission from my new boss to work from home. thought it would be a huge waste of my leave if i were to apply leave and end up working at home. thankfully, after some questioning and assurance that i will return to office if needed, he agreed. 

(if this were my previous chief, she wouldn't even bother to ask me anything)...

:-)

repairing the leaks

the works to repair the leaks will start tomorrow and is expected to last 2 days. from the description of the works, it seemed rather huge. and i was quoted sgd1.4k. from the description of the works involved, it seemed reasonable to me but somehow, people i spoke with told me it might be a bit high. nonetheless, i have decided to just proceed with this contractor.

so, the arrangement is for the contractor to start work about 10.30am and to complete the works by thursday. the whole repairs will include breaking up the false ceilings of both my kitchen and my utility rooms, hacking and breaking parts of the walls of the utility room and possibly kitchen to trace the source of the leaks in concealed pipes, realigning of the pipes out of the wall, hence making it no longer concealed and patching back all the hackings.

let's hope things get resolved after this.

mum fell

it's not a pleasant sight to see your mum fall right in front of your eyes. that was what happened last afternoon. it occurred when we were watching tv when mum decided to head to the kitchen. in no time, she returned with a plate of fruits. and as she was about to reach the sofa, her knees gave way and she fell forward, in front of me!

thankfully, she landed on her knees and apart from some slight reddening of her knees, she did not suffer any injuries. she complained that her knees felt weak and that caused her to fall. i observed her for the day and noted she was ok. and as expected, her whole body ached and by evening, she could hardly keep herself straight nor walk. she had to be helped from point to point.

she woke up this morning seemingly ok. and while she recalled falling, her account of the fall was way off. she told my sis she was rushing to the toilet and fell. otherwise, she continued to experience general weakness of her body and had to be helped around. let's hope she recovers soon. it is a little worrisome cos she has also been having symptoms of chest infections and had been coughing quite a bit. if things don't turn around, the possibility of the chest infection turning into pneumonia would be a very real one. 

and for her now, that would be really dangerous.

mid-autumn festival

it's the mid-autumn festival again and it's moon cake galore and lanterns all over again.

its amazing how fast time flies when you are old(er). when i was a kid, chinese new years seemed to take forever to arrive. and now, each year that passes by seemed shorter and shorter. anyway... yes, it is mid-autumn festival again and apart from all the spam sms/whatsapps that you get from friends and relatives (that i suspected had been forwarded umpteenth times around the world), i also learnt of some interesting customs that some of my friends still observe. these include having family reunion dinners as well as romancing the day as the chinese valentine's day. heh heh...

happy zhongqiu (mid-autumn) festival everyone!

中秋节快乐！

picture from www.sgtravel.net

fort road 5 - characters 3

and since i am at the topic of people that frequent fort road, i shall capture in this post some of the frequent fort road beach goers (apart from myself), haha...

• guy who peeps. there was this guy in his 50s who like to "peep" at people tanning in the nude or making out. i supposed the right term is "voyeur" but i would prefer to use the term "peep" as he does this in such a way that looked like he was peeping. then again, he would do it "secretly" yet in a way that allow people to know he was peeping. and he seemed to get a thrill out of it. once, he stood behind a bush and "peeped" at me. feeling irked, i told him to leave me alone. i recalled using the term "pervert" and he retorted, "who are you to call me pervert? you are the one who is pervert!" before walking away. 

• guy who ties himself to trees. there's this guy who liked to engage in orgies. he would strip naked, blindfold himself and tie himself to the tree. and once done, he would allow passerby to touch him and well, you go think about all the possibilities what one can possibility do with such a person.   

• vegetable guy. i have not seen this person, but often i do see cucumbers being tied to the tree. and seeing how all cucumbers were tied at about 3-4' above ground (otherwise, about the level of the male organ) and the cucumber had been hollowed out... so, go imagine...

• couple who seeks 3rd party. i am not sure if it was appropriate to use the term "loving" or "sad" for this couple who were in their late-40s/ early-50s. apparently, one of them would always lie on a make shift bench, get himself blindfolded and just relax. at the same time, the other person would go around to seek tops to top the blindfolded guy. and from what i understand, the "seeker" apparently was impotent and he didn't want to leave his partner unsatisfied and so... hmmm... to each his own.

• guy who lets ants bite him. there was a guy who cycles into the reclaimed land and he would find a secluded spot, often along the dry cement of the canal, to tan. the weird thing was that as he tans, he would collect ants and place it onto his cock head. and he obviously derived thrill out of the ant bites as he would get all excited and hard. 

• limping uncle who uses the binoculars. this was a famous person. he was the common "enemy" of visitors to fort road beach becos he would use a binoculars to "spy" on tanners and gay men making out. and becos this uncle walked with a limp, we gave him the name "limping uncle". 

• guys with tattoos. there was this guy who had tattoos all over his buttocks and frontal areas, including his entire cock and cock head. in fact, he had it tattooed so compactly that it looked like a band around him. from far, one could easily mistake him for wearing a pair of shorts. haha!

• cock-sock guy. this guy was interesting. he was so skinny, we could call him teck-kho (hokkien for gala-pole or bamboo pole). i chanced upon him during bee's grandma's funeral and found out that he works as a funeral band trumpeter. anyway, he would lie under the shades of trees wearing nothing except a cock-sock. kinda funny actually cos he frequently change the cock sock. once he wore one that was rainbow coloured and i must say - it looked kinda weird on him. another interesting thing about him was that he would fill ice-stick plastic wrappers (the ones we refer to in hokkien as sng pow) with sand, compact the sand and use the hardened ice-stick wrapper as a dildo. well, you kinda know what he did with the improvised dildo... 

• photo-taking uncle. this uncle has a hobby. he enjoys photo-taking and would lug his camera and tripod all the way into the beach. many nudists were wary of him as they were worried that he might secretly take their photos when they were nude. i had the same concerns but after i spoke with him, i felt a lot more assured. i spoke with him once and he shared that he enjoyed taking photos, especically of himself in the nude. also, he said he would like to capture the place in its full glory before it disappears. we can often see him discreetly placing himself amidst the undergrowth and canals with his tripod and posing as he clicks away.

• property agent uncle (again) who ambushes people. and last but not least, it's the property agent uncle again. when you don't see him parading and exhibiting himself at the fort road car park areas, you could possibly have him appearing in front of you as you walk into the reclaim land. he would station himself along the casuarina trees in the nude and masturbate when you walk pass him. somehow, it seemed like he got the thrill out of exhibiting himself. and funnily, he would also walk to the beach areas, to spy of nude tanners/ people making out, wearing nothing except his black socks and leather shoes. weird dress sense? haha...

• etc... 

there were just so many interesting characters at the fort road beach. there were many individuals who visit the place to find their own space. it was also not uncommon to get hordes of gay men having little picnics along the beach on weekends. and once a while, you could even get gay nudists visiting the place with their lesbian friends. whatever the case, all of us that visit fort road, i supposed, were simply looking for a space that we so wanted but that singapore didn't have back then and where we could just be ourselves. 

this place is now gone. forever.

• fort road 5 - characters 3
• fort road 4 - characters 2
• fort road 3 - characters 1
• fort road 2 - evolution
• fort road 1 - the location

fort road 4 - characters 2

i have earlier written about the characters that hanged around the toilet area. in this post, let me write about the characters that goes to the car park frequently. and before i write, let me qualify that this list is based on personal experiences and the general behaviour of the few individuals here may not reflect the actual crowd. here goes...

• exhibitionist property agent uncle. this guy gained rather "good" fame and popularity recently after he was photographed parading himself in broad daylight and the photo got posted onto stomp - a local online photo news site. as the name suggests, this guy in his 50s likes to parade himself in the nude at the fort road car park regardless of day or night. in the day, he would do so rather blatantly and at times, he would walk between parked cars and expose himself to (gay) people in the cars. in the evening, he would get even more daring and walk around the car park in the nude and approach people (at times with a hard on). this uncle was previously known to ambush people in the reclaimed land. but he cannot do so these days after the local authorities closed off the reclaimed land.

• guy in car tanning in g-string. this was (and still is) an interesting guy. he wears a beige fisherman's cap and tans in his car in his g-string. often, he would rest his legs on his car window and leave the door a little opened. he has been doing so for many many years. previously, he drove a red alfa romeo but has since changed to an mpv. and with the mpv, it is easier for him cos the mpv is higher and he can tan without really worrying about people looking into his car. then again, i have never seen him walk out of his car. he simply strips himself down and remain in his car.

• unkempt unsound uncle who seeked sex. there's this uncle who seemed a little mentally unsound. he spots some whiskers (yes, overgrown bits of facial hair that does not qualify as a moustache or beard), unkept hair and wears shabbily. and he would walk from car to car, knocking on windows and when you wind it down, he would openly asked if you were gay and whether he could come in and have sex with you. and if you say no, he would plead with you and he would even insert his whole arm into your car and try to grope you. freaky...

• hawker centre uncle. and there is this uncle who sells satay bee hoon at a hawker centre in the central west area of singapore. he is married and has kids but would appear very frequently at the car park in the afternoon after he closes his shop. he has been hanging around the car park for the last many many years and he recently gained quite a bit of "fame" after appearing in a local mandarin tv show where he demonstrated how to make good satay bee hoon.

• a kept guy? then of cos there is this guy in his late-20s who drives a black honda jazz car and he would drive back and forth between the fort road car park, the toilet car park and the national stadium car park to look for people. i think he works in a country club as i have seen his car there before. anyway, i half suspect he is a kept guy cos people i know told me about him and how he would be so secretive about his identity as he didn't want his other half to know about him visiting fort road. like real... hah...

then of cos there are the many others who drive round and round the place and who seldom stop. and when they do, they would park there and hang around for a while. these include a white haired ang mo uncle, a malay uncle, a couple of van drivers, etc. kinda interesting to have them around as they add to the colours and variety of the place. fort road car park continue to attract people. many have frequented the place before, and many have moved on and no longer visits it. but one thing is for sure, the car park has become a legendary place by itself amongst the many gay men in singapore and i suspect if one day, it disappears, the memories of this place will continue to live on.

:-)

• fort road 5 - characters 3
• fort road 4 - characters 2
• fort road 3 - characters 1
• fort road 2 - evolution
• fort road 1 - the location

fort road 3 - characters 1

there are a few people that stood out amongst all those who frequent fort road surrounding areas and i will spend some time to write about them. but no, i am not going to do a kiss-and-tell all post here. instead, i will capture here some interesting observations about these people. and in this post, i will write about interesting characters that hanged out around the fort road toilet area.

• guy with towel around his face. this particular guy would wrap a white towel around his face to hide his identity. he is a famous local celebrity now and with his popularity, it is not uncommon to see him openly flaunting and cruising at public pools now. anyway, in the mid-90s, he would drive his car to the toilet car park, park his car there and walk around the area. if he appears in the evening, he would walk around the canal area and cruise (yes, with a towel covering his face). and if he drives there in the daytime, he would walk openly to the fort road circle where he will then wrap his face with his white towel before entering into the reclaim land and make his way to the beach.

• celebrity guy with dog. there is a relatively famous local singer (back then) who would take his weekly evening walks along the east coach park. he would bring along his dog (lets not talk about the breed or you'll know who i am talking about). he's a friendly guy and would smile and acknowledge people when people wave at him. at times, he would walk with another guy, presumably his partner.

• guy and friends tending the toilet. tending the toilet is a group of friends who would look gossip and bitch about people who frequented the place. the group was a rather loud one and the primary guy who tended the toilet used to be a dancer. i was kinda surprised one day when someone i met and whom i had a chat with told me that the toilet "people" told him a military regular who drives a metallic green car jogs at the area frequently and that this person is gay. i half-suspected he was talking about me as, apart from me, there were no other military officer who fit that description. whatever the case, it hit me that these people were really observant and gossipy. learning from this incident, i avoided these people as much as i could.

• guy who went on to be a famous professor. as i mentioned i frequented the place back in the 90s, not just for runs but also to cruise and to pick people up. and naturally, there were frequent sightings members of the famous family of gay persons living close by. one of the brothers frequented there too and i often see him being picked up by people. then again, that's what we go there for right? he went on to become a famous professor and no longer goes there now.

• guy who now hosts a lot of tv shows. yup, a peranakan guy who now appears frequently in local chinese tv shows. very nice guy but might come across as aloft if you do not know him. he used to blade on weekends at east coast park with his other half and group of friends.

i can go on... but yup, as i said, back in to 90s, this place was frequented by who's who in the scene. but i shall not write further. we have all grown up and matured with time. we are all now established in our respective fields. we have, at some point in time, crossed paths and this occurred at fort road. and as i have reflected previously, if you are singaporean and gay in the 90s, you would probably have visited the place.

in my next post, i will write about the interesting people that goes into the fort road beach.

• fort road 5 - characters 3
• fort road 4 - characters 2
• fort road 3 - characters 1
• fort road 2 - evolution
• fort road 1 - the location

fort road 2 - evolution

as mentioned in my previous post, fort road was nothing but a piece of reclaimed land and the areas around it. the key developments around the areas could broadly be discussed in the following:

• pre-70s - the fort road area was non-existent. it was katong park and the katong park beach that extends all the way to the tanjong katong beach fronts. this was where many families frequent with most expatriates congregating around the beaches near to where chinese swimming club is today.

• 70s - reclamation work started and the katong park lost the sea-front. gay men, who previously hanged around the katong park and amber areas now find new areas to cruise. the expansion of the space led to a slow decline and disappearance of gay men hanging around the amber area. 

• 80s - a new expressway was built. up till 87/88, the east coast parkway runs on the surface and a traffic light continue to operate until 1987/88 where the fort road flyover was built to allow uninterrupted flow of traffic from the changi airport to the city. with the flyover, the areas under the flyover eventually became a new spot for gay men to meet for sex. this peaked in the 90s through to the early 2000. it continue to attract gay men these days but to a lesser extend. it could possibly be due to the blossoming of gay saunas in singapore in the early 2000. with the new flyover, a circle was also built to facilitate flow of traffic into the east coast park service road.

• 90s, the area, particularly the toilet area, became very popular with the general public, both gay and straight. it was the "in" place to be amongst the yuppies of the 90s. that was the area for sports, runs, walks, roller blade or simply for a picnic. many prominent gay characters you can see today had, at some time or other, "appeared" and socialised there. that was also where i came out, and met many friends in my early years as a gay person. lots of memories.

• late-90s to early-2000s, a road extending into the reclaimed area was built. this road was to serve major construction projects around the area include the construction of the kallang-paya lebar expressway (kpe), as a holding area for the debris from the nicol highway collapse, and for the building of the marina expressway (mce) later. the east coast park running track was, as a result, dissected and to allow park goers continued access and joggers uninterrupted jogging experience across the new road, a new elevated metal track was constructed. there were also reports of frequent police raids on gay men in this area.

• mid-2000s, increased use of the reclaimed land for development. the increased in construction activities led to the eventual cordoning off of the fort road beach from the public. the escape of mas selamat also saw local security agencies making their rounds into the reclaimed land. the intense activities by security agencies and the cordoning off of the areas led to a decrease of gay men visiting the area and marked the start of the decline of the reclaimed land as a gay man's haunt. 

• 201x, fort road as a gay man's haunt continued to decline. a new generation of gay men now frequent saunas, head overseas, etc. for many from that 90s era, this place continue to attract us. and while many from the new generation would brand this place as a place for many "doms" or "uncles" or other less than pleasant terms, some would also come here to explore the place and to see first hand what this place is like.

what i have captured probably do not do justice to the rich local gay sub-culture. but certainly, fort road has evolved over the last five decades. its evolution, to me, goes almost hand-in-hand with the evolution of the gay culture in singapore. ironically, it is the relaxing and opening up of the society to gay persons and development to led to the decline of fort road as a gay haunt. but it will continue to live on in many of our mind. in my next couple of posts, i will write about some interesting persons who frequent fort road and has, over time, become icons of fort road (particularly the fort road beach).

:-)

• fort road 5 - characters 3
• fort road 4 - characters 2
• fort road 3 - characters 1
• fort road 2 - evolution
• fort road 1 - the location

picture from http://kim-thenextphase.blogspot.sg/2011/05/right-to-bare.html

fort road 1 - the location

i am gonna spend time over the next few posts to capture in writing stories about "fort road". the so-called "fort road" affectionately called by we gay men in singapore refers to a favourite gay haunt in singapore. this name is actually that of a small road next to katong park. over time, the name has been used to encompass the areas from katong park to the reclaimed land and the areas around it. i guess this was becos there was no other clear reference point that one can use given that it was nothing but reclaimed land. this place was reclaimed in the 70s and had been left undeveloped. in the early years before the east coast parkway (ecp) came about, the place was nothing but just clay and sand and almost totally barren. the fort road flyover over ecp was constructed in 1987/88. a few years after the construction of the flyover, a circle and a new long vehicle car park was constructed. "fort road" extends all the way to the sea and, at its furthest, is about 2km before one reaches the beach. to many gay men, thus, we refer to the various places around the area as... 

• "fort road carpark" - this is the long vehicle park located next to the circle where many gay men cruise and pick up people. it remained popular until recent times where it was closed to facilitate the building of a new road.

• "fort road beach" - this refers to the beach used by many to tan in the nude. to some more seasoned people who frequent the beach, they also divide the reclaimed land into sub-sections using the tracks as the dividing line. so, you have "fort road beach on the left of the track (facing the beach direction)" (this is the larger piece and more heavily forested part of the reclaimed land), "fort road beach on the right of the track" (this is the smaller but more "happening" part of the beach). the beach along this sub-section includes a total of 3 breakwaters. it extends all the way to where marina barrage is today.

• "fort road forest" - this is not a forest per se, but the secondary vegetation that got established over time as the reclaimed land was allowed to settle. and as per usual plant invasion patterns, the reclaimed land has broadly 4 layers of vegetation. a first layer extending about 500m towards the sea and parallel to the highway. it comprised mainly of rhu (casuarina) trees (that is the basis of the name "tanjong rhu"). a second layer of largely barren land interspersed with isolated bushes of grass and small secondary vegetation trees (such as malastoma). a third layer of thick lallang that extends about 200m inland from the beach. this was where many gay men, who prefer a little more privacy, make out or tan in the nude amongst isolated patches of clear land. and finally, a fourth layer of beach-fronting trees and shrubs that comprised almost entirely of rhu (casuarina) trees and sea lettuce. this final layer is where gay men tan in the nude rather openly as well as frolicked in the sea.

• "fort road jogging track". this refers to the jogging track that stretches from the public toilet/ changing facilities (fort road toilet) all the way to the end of the east coast park jogging track (0km mark). the name continue to be used despite the clearing of the last 500m stretch to built the kallang-paya lebar expressway (kpe) interchange. 

• "fort road flyover" refers to the east coast parkway flyover and can be accessed via the infamous katong park. most critically, the areas under the flyover is where many (yes, reeeeally, many) gay men would head to for anonymous sex as the place is near pitch dark, not unlike the dark rooms of saunas. it is not uncommon to find many used condoms under the flyover. this is also the location where a famous local comedian was run over by a car and died. many in the circle knew why he was there. anyway... yup, so this very famous flyover.

• "fort road circle" is the little circle created next to the flyover to regulate traffic flowing into east coast parkway service road. the circle also leads into the fort road carpark. in the late 90s, cars would drive around the circle to pick up guys who may possibly hang around along the jogging track that fringes the circle. this track was subsequently removed when a new road leading into the reclaimed land was built in the late 90s to facilitate the building of major projects around the area.

• "fort road toilet" is a toilet near the 1.5km mark of the east coast park. in a more generic sense, it refers to the immediate areas around the toilet. this is a popular congregation spot for many - both straight and gay - in the 90s. this is also the place where many, who is not comfortable with sex in the open, to do it in the privacy of the cubicles. it is less crowded these days. 

• "fort road canal" refers to the canal that stretches from the fort road circle to the fort road toilet. there is a jogging track that runs parallel to the canal and as the track is not lit at night, many many gay men would hang around the canal and make out openly. it was especially crowded on weekends.

ok, these areas are the commonly known haunts for gay men. you probably can understand why fort road is such a significant place for gay men in singapore. it is the local mecca for us all. you cannot consider yourself a gay singaporean if you do not know fort road or you have not cruised at fort road. but that was the years leading up to the early 2000. fort road is slowly but surely disappearing. victim of development and perhaps, ironically, of the opening up of the gay scene in singapore. i will reflect this in the next post on fort road's evolution.

• fort road 5 - characters 3
• fort road 4 - characters 2
• fort road 3 - characters 1
• fort road 2 - evolution
• fort road 1 - the location

colours @ the market

one of the things i enjoy about going to the market is the burst of colours that i see. just look at these chilli! it is not often to see this... sorting of chilli being done by the vegetable seller. 

nice!

throwing away my past

i did what i had been holding back for the last 5 - 6 years. 

i threw away all my military gear, ceremonial wear, medals, accessories, boots, belt, etc. everything. i had been holding back and today, admittedly, i hesitated for a while, but once i got the first one through, the second piece, the third, the fourth, and... it became easier as it went on. and in no time, i am free. i also tell myself - if they do call me back, i will just say i have no more uniform, if you want me back, make me a set and i'll go, but don't expect me to fit in into my uniform made 6 years ago. it is not possible. physically, and mentally.

i suppose one of the reason why it got easier as i throw was becos the military gear and all the associated accessories are like just the military. its all or none. nothing is meaningful anymore once a small piece is gone. and thus, once a small piece go, it is as good as the whole uniform. its an interesting analogy but that was how things were. when in the military, you conform, you are all part of a larger system. you don't deviate. if you do, you are out. just like a medal whose colour had faded. you do not belong to any part of the uniform anymore. and the whole system boot you out.

ok, i think too much.

omg u blog?

well, that was what someone told me recently.

i have a profile in jack'd and rather than writing an intro, i simply put my blog url there. and a friend found me and visited my blog. and that was what he said. to him, blogging is so passé, so yesteryear. i think so too. blogging, like technology moves with time. bloggers are on the decrease now. many have moved on to twitters, instagrams, etc. mobile apps are currently the trend and many bloggers have moved to these newer apps. i suspect the blogging community will drop even faster in the years to come. nonetheless, i believe there will always be a group of people who are die-hard bloggers and will continue to do so. well, unless blog-service providers decide to just kill off the service. 

:-)

sharks

finally managed to buy what i had been wanting to do for a while. shark meat! been a long time since i ate shark meat. and no, it's not sharks fin, it's shark meat.

shark meat is something that most people seldom cook. the meat is not as sweet as that of other fishes and certain, the texture is not as soft too. in fact, if not cooked well, it may jolly well come across as rubbery. after all, it is known to contain a higher level of ammonia/ urea compared to other meats as sharks are known to be relatively more sedentary compared to other fishes and the uric acid built up in its meat is generally higher too.

but yeah, i have finally gotten it, fresh from the market. look forward to deep fry it with flour and some seasoning.

:-)

fortune telling

there is a particular website that allows one to predict the life of a person based on his birth date, and time. and when i used my birth details, and compare with what it says about me, it seemed to fit quite accurately.

things about my character, my life, about my career, etc. it was spot on about things like i know lots of things (talented), gets along well with people, that i will work overseas in my 30s, change career a few times when in my 40s, etc... it also says i get along very well with people born in the years of the horse (bee), dragon (james, my nephew), tiger (my niece) and cow (my second sis), etc. 

and here's the interesting bits. when i look into what it says about my future. it says have an illness that will be with me through my life and that will be the eventual cause of my demise. it also says i can expect to live up to 80 years of age and i will die during the forth lunar month. translating that to gregorian calendar, it means my death date is anytime between 6 may to 3 jun 2046. and oh, it also says i will have 2 "sons" to bid me farewell during my funeral.

hmmm... 

(about the 2 sons, lets see if my brother bears another son, haha - cos if i use my brother's birth details, it says he will have 3 kids - and i know my brother is trying for a third one)

sunlight & its effect

i was surfing the net on how sunlight affects a person and found two very interesting things.

firstly, sunlight has an uplifting effect on people. it makes people less unhappy and lifts their mood. and studies show that people living in prolonged periods where they are deprived of sun (e.g. during winter) has a higher tendency to get depressed. hmmm... perhaps this explains why i so totally enjoy being in the sun! i supposed subconsciously, i want to be as happy as i can! hahah... the other way to look at it is, i am an introverted person and keeping time to myself frolicking in the sun is so very me and tanning in solitude. and i have been doing it since my 20s! it allows me to simply blank off as i bake myself...

secondly, sunlight makes a person horny! well, that's what many postings suggest. sunlight has an aphrodisiac effect on a person. hmmm, no wonder...

haha... go figure.

:-)

colorless tsukuru tazaki

i had just completed reading this book by haruki murakami.

and he has done it again. the book was surprising easy to read and once again, and it was difficult to put down once you start. and what's interesting about this book (to me at least), was the fact that for the first time, he has a story that features, or rather, hints of homosexual tendencies albeit in a dream. it was interesting to read of how the main character got to know another guy and got into this very intense relationship with another guy, yet in a very bromance way. and then how the main character dreamt about the guy sucking him and gulping down his cum as he orgasm. a whole lot of pent up thoughts on the part of the main character.

but yeah, it was a book where i could identify with the tensions and thoughts of the main character. i see parts of me in him. 

:-)

expensive repairs

the contractor came to my place to look at the leakages and concluded that it was a concealed pipe that had leaked. issue is - because it is concealed, he cannot be sure if it is the large pipe of the 2 smaller pipes. so in the end, he suggested hacking off parts of the false ceiling and the wall to trace the leak, and after that, to realign the concealed pipes out of the wall. by paying the pipes outside the wall, it would allow future repairs to be done without the need to break the walls again. the whole works will cost me more than 1k. to be done next week.

yikes!

jack jack jack

i am not sure if i have posted this before, but this thing just crossed my mind.

i find it rather difficult to greet friends with the name jack.

i always end up saying hijack, hijack...

arghhh...

love your job

i connect with this quote almost immediately when i see it.

:-)

leadership - consistency

leaders cannot say one thing and do another thing. there must be consistency in thoughts, communications and actions. no point thinking of something, communicating something and then do another thing. for example, you cannot tell people after right-sizing (read - downsizing) the organisation that things are stable and that everyone can go on and focus on their work, and then next day tell a few more to leave.

you lose the trust of people.