after a day of psycho-ing myself to be happy and gay, i lost it totally this evening.
all hell broke loose... i hit my threshold when she again refused to eat and insisted on white porridge with soya sauce. she needed to take proper meals or she will suffer downstream medical issues, especially when she was forewarned this morning she needed to take some proper food after her medication or her stomach will be affected. it has happened before and it is happening again. and her tone of voice towards me was superbly hostile. and before i knew it, she started her wallowing again... next thing i knew, i was throwing everything onto the living room floor. the porridge flew, my rice cooker flew, glass containers of canned food flew, my rice storage container flew, spoons, ladle, and so on... everything was everywhere. the house was a total war zone. and i broke down, i cried.
and when i got myself composed and quietened down, i had to spend close to 3 hours washing the house... and as i washed, i reminded her how much efforts i had put in to look after her, despite her frequent accusations that i disliked having her stay with me and that i am ill-treating her. she kept quiet throughout. and after i cleaned the house, i administered her her evening medication. she took it quietly and went to bed. and now that i am a little more composed, i felt a little bad. should have controlled my temper.
i will now have to face the brunt of her mental flare up tomorrow.
sighs...
ps: everything that was thrown broke... and i do not intend to buy anymore rice, rice cooker, etc. it would give her reasons to refuse food and cook white porridge again. and when that happens, it's gonna give me more tensions...
ps: everything that was thrown broke... and i do not intend to buy anymore rice, rice cooker, etc. it would give her reasons to refuse food and cook white porridge again. and when that happens, it's gonna give me more tensions...
If you have frustration locked away, it will eat away at you. Let it out. Release it. To cry.⊙﹏⊙
ReplyDeletethanks natkean!
ReplyDeleteJust how do u survive without a working phone for so long? Won't u feel lost without it?
ReplyDelete:)
i really hate when my dad threw stuffs when he is angry and it is somehow reflecting the same scene here jsut that the contents are different.. ....hm...... ...... it always makes me cry on the inside.. please dont do it again...
ReplyDeletetuls: there is no logic in our actions when we hit our thresholds.
ReplyDeletehi river, yes, i certainly did feel lost, totally lost in fact. guessed we are all enslaved to technology ya?
ReplyDeletefeel sad when i read this
ReplyDeletebe tough man!!!
p/s how about add meats and vege into the white porridge, will she consume it?
hey steve, she does not want any meat or meat-related things in her porridge cos to her, eating plain porridge is to evoke some sort of divine help... her belief system.
ReplyDeleteHi Peace, just in case you gonna cook white porridge again which I dont if you will do so. Try to add slices of ginger to it when cooking. I heard from elderly saying that it will cease the stomach gas from eating porridge. Maybe you can add minced vege to it, telling her that its reward from buddha for her good behaviour. I know its sinful to lie, but for her sake and health. 善意的谎言∩__∩
ReplyDeleteThanks Natkean, much appreciate the advice. Will certainly do so. Yes, ginger will certainly "qu fong". It is good advice, then again, my mum is the type who will only eat when she cooks herself under such circumstances. so... And for now, I don't think I will be getting any rice cooker.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
:-)
Don't blame yourself for that, I know that kinda feeling when you can't control your emotion, it just came and everything burst out..I experienced that too..just let it go if it doesn't cause much harm, we are all human beings anyway..
ReplyDeleteThank you sharks. i have to learn to do this... but ya, thanks for the advice.
ReplyDelete:-)