Things seemed to be back to normal for him and `him'. At least that's the feeling I got. And I am back to the switch-off-my-phone patterns on weekends.
I also noted that he had put in lots of efforts following what happened last week and I am really appreciative of that. At the same time, I was also aware that he has been secretly finding opportunities to contact 'him'. I noticed for a fact that there have been less smses from `him' when we were together. But, at the same time, I had also noticed that he would say he wanted to go home first to bath, to change, to give things to his family member etc before we go out late. I supposed this was also to find opportunities to use his house phone to call 'him' so as to give 'him' the assurance that he was home after work and not seeing anyone, much less going out with me.
Anyway, lots of conflicting emotions and thoughts. Why did I feel apologetic as well as sorry for 'him', worried over his emotional well-being, yet at the same time, felt angry and jealous? While he had repeatedly reassured me of his love for me (and I really really feel he does), I just cannot help but wonder if he has been doing the same to me sometimes (eg using his meetings after work hours as excuses to meet 'him' for dinners)? For that matter, has he actually been taking us both for rides so far? Or was it that he has just been simply trying very very hard (but certainly with limited success) at managing relationships? I have thus far given him the benefit of doubt.
And I continue to do so.
I sometime really wished I could find the opportunity to talk and communicate with 'him'. And I really hope this can be done without 'him' telling him.
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