I deserve it...

I have constantly felt torn when it comes to managing my pace of life. On one hand, I am taking things slow and easy - in planning my daily commitments, in pursuing my part time career, etc. Whereas on the other hand, I find myself frequently chiding myself for procrastinating, doing things a tat too slowly, and having no sense of urgency. This struggle with how fast/ slow I am doing things is real and often a times, I questioned myself about whether I am lazy, whether I am a loser, etc... and for that matter, I still get very angsty when things don't go according to the timeline I have planned for myself. Well, you get the drift. To manage this, I have to constantly and consciously remind myself a key reason behind leaving corporate life is to give myself the time and space to slow my life down, don't sweat the small stuff, learn to embrace life as it happens and just enjoy the journey.

Take for example, I wanted to get my coaching credential asap, by July/ August if possible and had placed much energies into the process, coaching up to 2 clients a day (which was superbly draining), and with the thought that I can take the credentialing exams once I complete my first mentoring session. I was deeply disappointed when I was told I must complete all 3 mentoring sessions despite having passed the first session. This would set me back by 2 months before I could register for the exams. It took me a while to remind myself that on the grander scale of things, I am still within my target of getting myself full transitioned to a part-time livelihood by 60 years old (2 more years); and thus, I should just chill and take things in stride.  Other examples include struggling over basic things like waking up early vs waking up later, being more spontaneous vs planning every detail of my time.

It seemed like my body has been so tuned to the lifelong habit of waking up early, rushing from point-to-point, getting things done fast, etc so much so that I am finding it hard to slow myself down - that I don't know how to slow down and smell the roses. Basically, I have not gotten used to having free time on my hand! And I often have to tell myself that this struggle will come to past once I get use to it and made this a new norm for me. Ok, I don't know if what I wrote made sense, but yeah, I just want to capture it somewhere... so till I embrace this new norm, I have to remind must “slow down, slow down... you have rushed your whole life, it is time to give yourself a break, slow things down, laze, procrastinate, etc... you deserve it!”