New arrangements

With the end of this relationship, I am no longer held back in many of my decision making with regards how I'm going to live my life. 

These include how I am going to manage my assets. For the longest time, he was a big factor and with him gone, I have sold my car. I do not need this luxury, and the monies saved will go a long way to help me during this period of career transition. As for my apartment, he refused to let me rent out the guest room as he abhors the thought of having a stranger in the house. With him moving out soon, I have started asking for help to look for a tenant. This would immediately provide me an added source of passive income as I study options for my longer term housing needs, such as purchasing public housing. 

Secondly, I now have a whole lot of time and freedom to explore the social aspects of my life. These include making new friends, dating, etc etc and so, I have increased my presence in Grindr, meet up with friends, ex-colleagues, etc, many whom I’ve not caught up for a while. I had failed these connections in the past as I had prioritised all my time towards him. I realised belatedly how much I have shortchanged myself as a result. I never learned, have I?! I am also planning my own overseas trips now. Previously, I need to take into considerations his work schedules, leave entitlement etc. Admittedly, loneliness and a sense of loss are the main factors that drive all these decisions. But I have to start somewhere.

In the meantime, and perhaps as an escape and distraction, I have invested all my energies into my coaching. Positively, it helped me clock my hours faster. I have also spent much of my time out of the house. Avoiding him and not interacting with him helps me move along faster. Since the break up, I have not met up with our immediate close group of LGBT friends whom we hang out with weekly. I have asked them to render maximum support to him during this period and to celebrate his birthday next week. Will reach out to them once things are more settled. 

So yeah, so many things happening all at once. It is still somewhat unsettling for me. But I am in a much better place today than I was 2 weeks ago. He is currently overseas and I can spend some good time at home. The realisation of all these possibilities, especially the dating, meet ups, etc is quite liberating and exciting! I believe it will take me sometime to re-establish a new balance in how I conduct my life. But I must embrace this transition period well for my own sanity, and well-being. I need to reclaim my own sense of self. And for now... 

Go forth and celebrate your new found freedom Jeffrey!

:-)