training/ stints overseas - country s

i spend half a year here as a senior national liaison officer. i was based on one of the states and it was one of the best half year of my career life. shan't write to much about it cos i've written quite a lot about this trip in some of my older posts (if you have read before). suffice to say that this 6-month trip was an eye-opener for me in many many areas including getting to now the country, the weather of the southern state, it's culture, food, and so on... here's my experiences.

• i experienced 4-5 hurricanes, of which i had to be evacuated in 3 of them at least. had the good experience to be able to fly to some other cities on the east coast and caught some pretty good musicals.

• i had lotsa road trips over the weekends during the 6-month stay. it was really good to be able to drop everything and just drive and visit places where the local stay, and to see and experience the local culture. it was through such exposure that i get to understand what real vs whats portray in movies. they can be so different...

• i was literally working round the clock as the country's time zone was a direct opposite to that of singapore and i was required to work through the night talking to singapore-based people. but that didn't mean i didn't have time to myself. conversely, i had a lot more time to myself as i was able to work around my daily life routines and be at work when needed only. in another words, i was more productive.

• i had the good opportunity to interact with some 65 countries based in the same location as me. and i do note that amongst these 65 countries, there were cliques and cliques within cliques - for example, all national representatives from asian countries tend to clique together and often invite each other out for dinners, formal or otherwise. and within this asian country clique, there are sub-cliques - e.g. asean countries... but certainly, one thing i concluded from this attachment, as minorities, we come together and in coming together, we became stronger. 

ok, won't write too long here. 

training/ stints overseas - country r

this will be a very short post.

i visited this country only once in my whole life. it was a sensitive location to visit and i had to change a couple of flight before i landed in this country. it was really an eye opening trip for me, not just the country itself, but also for the fact that i had the wonderful opportunity to transit via switzerland and thus was able to check out some of the touristy sites there. anyway, i visited country r with my commander and his deputy and once we landed in the airport we were put through a very thorough security check. in fact, when our bags were check by the country's immigration personnel, there was another set of personnel in a different "country's" police uniform observing the checks. this, we understood was the arrangement for all immigration checks there.

anyway, once after all the immigration formalities and customs checks, we were quickly whizzed to our hotel by our host. i couldn't help but notice along the way how everything look so homogenous and was quickly informed that the local laws requires all building to be build using only local materials and that there are strict rules about the exterior... or something like that. also, i noticed that there were security personnel carrying rifles and keeping watch on top of some tall building. it was quite unsettling frankly, coming from a place where security is taken as a norm. after a nights' rest, we visited some of the key schools to observe how they conduct their lessons and exercises. it was as real as it gets and i was really impressed by how professional their troops are. to them, rank didn't matter when it came to questioning logics behind military plans. i personally witnessed how a lance corporal questioned a brigadier about his operational plans and he patiently explained the details to her. amazing.

i was also intrigued by the food habits. i recalled vividly a meal that was hosted by the commandant. we were invited to the commandant's tent during one of their exercises. we were ushered to our seats once we arrived and food was promptly served. i was awed by the variety of bread and spreads served and happily tried quite a few. it was a really hearty meal and just when i thought i felt really bloated and had enough, our host announced that the mains will be served next! omg! i didn't realize all the bread was only the appetiser! and the whole process of serving huge amounts of meat came next. again, out of courtesy, we ate a bit of everything and was so gorged with food when the host then told us that dessert will be next. and then came the post-meal drinks. food became a torture after a certain point. hahah...

after we completed what we had planned to do, our host brought us around to some of the most famous tourist sites of the country. it was really good to be able to view these sites personally and see how the religion is being practised by the locals. it was also the first time i came across men in tall black hats and long "pigtails". heh...

don't think i'll ever get a chance to head back there.

training/ stints overseas - country n

training in this country is perhaps one of the most memorable one. this was because of the lush tropical jungle that we had to operate in. through my more than 2-decade career in the forces, i must have visited this country some 5-6 times. some of the more interesting incidents include:

• my first experience in the jungles was when i was an officer cadet. to make our way there, we had to take barges that sailed through the winding rivers of the tropical jungle - not unlike a trip along the rivers of the amazon. we were exposed to the elements as the barges were not sheltered and it was not uncommon to have people suffer from heat exhaustion during the journey. if i recalled correctly, the journey lasted between 6-8 hours. the base camp we were housed in looked like long houses. they were made of wood and critters from the jungle, particularly cicadas, was able to fly through the rooms as there was a huge gap between the walls of the bunk and the roof. and so to ensure we get our needful sleep, we were all given mosquito nets to hang over our bed. but our stay in teh bunk was short lived. within a day of settling in to the bunk, we had to pack up and head into the jungle for our exercises - first navigation, and then missions after missions. if i recall correctly, the whole duration of staying in the jungle was 4-5 weeks. it was interesting that by the time we emerged from the jungles, we continued to whisper to one another (as we had to do so when we were in the jungle on mission).

• getting lost in the jungle during our navigation exercises. drinking, bathing, shitting, etc everything in the jungles and it was particularly nice to be able to take a dip in the mountain streams. we were given maloprim tablets to drop into stream water to rid the water of any harmful organisms, but we couldn't be bothered. we were often so exhausted that we would just drown ourselves with the chilled water from the streams.

• during one mission, we were all so tired that after we complete capturing the enemy position, our controllers told us that the enemy managed to withdrawal to another location 3km to the rear and that we had to bash our way through thick lallang patches to take the position. the time in the lallang felt forever. the lallang was taller than us and we could not see anything in front. we could only rely on our compass to guide us through and it was super demoralising, made worst by the fact that we were all already do exhausted. to make things worst, we had to carry our carl gustav, machine guns, grenade launchers etc. and when we eventually reach the defended location, we had to do our fire movement up a very steep slope. by the time the controllers declared the position taken and the exercise cut, we literally collapse onto the floor and cried.

• taking the helicopter from basecamp to recce the exercise grounds. the nap-of-the-earth flying (i.e. flying along the contours of the mountain) during the exercise was really interesting. we were literally holding on to our seat belts tightly as the helicopter doors were open to allow us to check out enemy held positions.

• during one particular exercise when i was the company second-in-charge, my company commander got possessed and our unit commander decided to send him back home. apparently, my company commander would get into a trance at 7pm daily and he would howl and scream and he would talk to us in a voice that sounded like a woman and a language that we couldn't understand. the locals called in a bomoh and he concluded that my company commander was possessed by a jungle spirit during one the exercises. to manage my company commander, he was strapped onto the bed to prevent him from hurting himself or hurting people around him every evening when the spirit awakes. this incident shook my whole company badly. in the end, my unit commander decided to send him back home, based on the advise of the bomoh - for the bomoh said that the only way to rid him of the spirit is to fly through water - where the spirits cannot. weird as it might sound, my company commander recovered once he reached singapore.

• the night in the jungle was something i cannot not forget. it was so pitch dark i couldn't see my own palm when i place it in front of my eyes. and during one exercise, we had to harbour on a mountain ridgeline for the night and in the middle of the night, my company heard something dropped from above and then suddenly one of my soldier screamed. next thing i knew, something rolled off the ridge line and landed with a "thud" sounds. everyone was shock and many of my company started firing their weapons. it was a reflex action. it was pitch dark and i could see nothing. i was the company commander and i decided that exercise or not, i call the shots and i took out my torchlight and gingerly walk towards the direction of my soldier who screamed. apparently, some animal flew down from the canopy and grabbed him. and in his struggle, the animal and his helmet rolled off the ridge. it was not a pleasant thing to happen in the middle of the night, and especially after what happened to my company commander earlier on.

• to prepare the training areas before the exercise proper, i had to recce the training grounds. some areas were only accessible via helicopter and, for some others, by assault boats. there was this particular drill that i had to go through that was very interesting - crocodile deterrence preparation. you see, the rivers and marsh land that we operate in was known to be home to some local species of crocodiles. and to prevent any crocodiles from attacking our troops, we had to sail along the river within a specific distance upstream and downstream of the exercise area to scare crocodiles off. and this was how it was done - we armed ourselves with rifles, brought along a lot of thunder flashes and sailed to the spot where crocodiles are known to appear. we then fix the thunder flashes onto the tip of our rifle, light the flash and shoot it into the water. we were told that the explosion caused by the thunder flash would scare the crocodiles away. i'm sure there are some wisdom in this for we did not have any untoward incidents through the years we operate there. but as an additional safeguard, we position personnel with live rounds around the exercise areas and allowed them to shoot to kill if any crocodile appears.

i have a lot more to share about training in this country although i didn't visit this country as many times as compared to some others. but i'm sure the above give an insight into how exciting training in this country was like. up and above all these, i felt most at home living in the jungle, eating my maggi noodles and canned food freshly cooked and sleeping in my tent or by hammock. still miss this place.

:-)

training/ stints overseas - country l

similar to country d, country l is another country that is of high strategic importance to singapore.

the difference between country d and country l is that we have a permanent base in this country and saf sends troops to train in this country regularly. the training grounds are located in the western region of this country and over the 20 years in the armed forces, i saw with my very own eyes how the exercise areas mature from a sleepy dry arid and dusty country-side dotted with small villages to that of a semi-developed urban township. what this meant was that the exercise areas got increasingly crowded and interactions with locals increased. it came to the point where unfortunate incidents such as cows wondering into the impact areas of our live firing and getting killed. and when such things happened, the incident management and comms people would get really busy. anyway, country l (or at least the areas we trained in) this is a hot and arid place. our exercises areas spanned some 40-50km. whenever we train in this country, we always look forward to the canteen breaks where we can enjoy cheap local food and locally homemade ice creams. yums... beside the food, there were a few incidents and experiences that i would like to share here.

firstly, this is where i get to experience how explosives were used to destroy mines, or as part of the process of building bunkers and for that matter launching of pipe charges. i also got to experience how it felt to launch bridges across wet gaps. it was terribly tedious back in those days where we didn't have mechanically launched bridges and where troops had to do it manually - one two three boom! one two three boom! - i can still recall how the troopers had to call out to co-ordinate their booming of the bridge!

the second incident i would like to share happened during one of the exercise where we had to walk pass some padi fields en route to capture an enemy-held position. it was about 1-2am and my unit commander had decided to take a tactical halt. and as it was a halt, we position ourselves in an en-guarde posture - where our rifles were pointed outwards. naturally, things quietened down and the sound of our footsteps quickly gave way to sound of night critters around us. and suddenly, we heard a couple of loud gunshots. bang bang... bang bang, it boomed through. we were caught by surprise and wondered if this was an “attack” staged by the controllers to see how we would respond. but when we saw our controllers behaving just as shocked, we concluded that something was going on. in no time, the controllers were running around and a couple of them ran towards the direction of where the gunshot came from to investigate what happened. they came back a couple of minutes later with this information - villages are out in the middle of the night to catch padi field rats. apparently, padi field rats are considered delicacy and they would hunt for them in the middle of the night when the field rats were most active. interesting right? we managed to ask them to hold their fire and to allow us safe passage before resuming their hunt.

the last and the most interesting incident happened when i was a company commander and my troops were tasked to protect a camp. we were tasked to be the enemy of a unit that was tasked to capture the camp. as the commander, i visited my troops on patrols regularly and during one of those visits that i did in the night, i had a close encounter with the supernatural. you see, i walked to a location near a guard post and asked the patrol leader to provide me with an update of his sector. halfway through the brief back, i smelt a very strong sweet smell and asked if people around me could also smell it. one of my platoon sergeant who was accompanying me told me not to worry and just quickly complete the brief back. within a minute of two, the smell got so strong that it became a little too much for me. again, i asked if people around could smell it. this time round, my platoon sergeant suggested i should return to my command center. i did. and once we reached the command center, my sergeant told me - sir, the first time you smell the sweet smell, there was a lady in white a couple of meters away from you. she's a spirit and she was looking at us. the second time when you asked again, this lady was standing just beside you... i was like - huh? wtf? well, apparently my platoon sergeant was able to see such things. the next day, my platoon sergeant and i decided to take a look at the place and we noted a local soldier standing guard nearby. we approached him and asked if that place was haunted and his reply? - oh, there's a lady spirit that lives here. her spirit house is just beside there - and he pointed to us the location where a little shrine stood.

it was then that i realised i have the ability to smell such spirits. from then on, whenever i smell anything similar, i will just walk away from it.

training/ stints overseas - country d

let me first reflect about country d.

country d is of strategic importance to singapore and i had visited this country several times in my official capacity as an officer of the singapore armed forces. but for this post, i shall only write about 2 key trips that i remembered best - first in the capacity as exercise troop, and the second that happened in the latter parts of my career - as a visiting instructor under the auspices of an on-going bilateral exchange program between two institutes.

the first visit was in 1996 where my unit was selected to participate in a bilateral exercise. the preparations for the week long exercise was terrible. there was so much to be done - all the request for maps for the exercise grounds, the preparation of the staff aids, etc. was stood out for me during this particular exercise was the amount of "wayang" that we had to stage. and i can understand the need for it. after all, being a participating troop of a bilateral exercise, we were nothing but pawns - pawns to the larger picture of bilateral relations. and so, there were the exercise, and there were the dinners, karaoke, happy hours and such. the exercise itself was rather straight forward - two units moving as part of a larger organisation to overcome a common aggressor. and the final assault on the aggressors' defences was stage at a particular time for the chiefs of armies of both countries to witness. as singapore enjoys close bilateral ties with this country, the host spared no efforts to make sure everything went well. some of the treatment we get that blew me off were - we were escorted in army trucks once we landed and there were military police escorts throughout the journey. all traffic lights were disabled and military polices stopped all traffic to allow our military truck clear passage. it was an amazing experience. we will never be able to experience such things in singapore. what made this particular trip memorable was the fact that all the key staff within my unit were told to don batik and it was quite a frenzy hunting for a nice one. in the end, i bought a nice batik with orchid motifs - singapore's national flower. it was a really nice sight to see everyone dressed up.

the second visit was in 2006(?), where i was stationed there as a visiting instructor. again, this attachment was part of a strategic partnership between the two armed forces. i had to attend and pass a language class to prepare for this attachment. the month-long attachment was anything but easy. there was regular reporting back to singapore about the attachment, the observation of how they conduct their business and the conversations that i held with who's who. also, despite being given a "house" to stay in, complete with maid, car and driver, i was not allowed to venture too far away from the city i was based in. i didn't understand why this restriction was imposed on me especially when i understood my predeccesor had total freedom to travel on weekends. nonetheless, i couldn't be bothered. i went ahead and travelled to the capital city (some 4-5 hours away) weekly on the pretext that i had to visit the singapore embassy (which was not too far from the truth cos when i visited the city, i did link up with the embassy staff for chats). anyway, being an attached instructor in a country that do not speak my language, my daily routine was to visit the different departments for briefings and to attend selected lessons (which were conducted in their local language). the month went by slowly and i was glad to be back home.

i understood the strategic importance of this country to singapore and that my visits (in whatever capacity) was framed at a very high level. it was an honour to be tasked to represent the armed forces for any trips and the exposure was really good. 

training/ stints overseas - overview

i realised i have not written too much about my first and longest career, especially about my experiences overseas. my overseas travels were largely for training except for a couple where i was involved in bilateral exchanges programs or as a liaison person. here's a list of country - which i use alphabets to refer to (in case i get accused of divulging secrets... lol) - that i will write about:

• country d - i visited this country several times, first in the capacity as exercise troop, and in the latter parts of my career, as a visiting instructor
• country l - this is a hot and arid place and i had interesting experiences here - including some supernatural ones
• country n - i will share about my experiences in the jungles
• country r - i had visited this country as an instructor and had the beautiful opportunity to visit some really sacred sites
• country s - this was where i was based for half a year as a senior liaison person
• country t - i had visited this country as an planner, and a controller but never as an exercise troop.
• "country" w - i had travelled to this country over 30 times over the span of my career 
• country z - i trained in this country a couple of times and this was the place where i first experience cold winds from the south

these are some of the countries that i think is ok to write about. it would capture most of the overseas exposures during my time with the military. i do believe you can second guess the names of the respective countries if you have been through similar experiences too. and if so, you should be able to see the patterns of the letters i used.

lol... go figure.

penang food adventures

in penang for a short weekend trip with a school friend. his main aim is to eat and eat and eat. and since touching down last morning, been eating almost non-stop. food eaten so far:

yesterday:
wanton mee
char kueh tiao
orh chian (aka orh luah)
mee chian kueh
chye tow kueh
hokkien heh mee
kaya roti
lor bak (ngoh hiang)
free flow of wine
peranakan dinner
- assam fish
- lemak sweet potato leaves
- three layer pork fry with cincalo
- pig stomach soup
- hee peo soup
- pengat
- buah pala juice

today:
kueh tiao thng
chye tao kueh
orh chian (aka orh luah)
lor bak (ngoh hiang)
penang laksa
chendol
char kueh tiao w mantis prawns
duck and pig kueh chup

and before i leave penang...
oreo cheesecake & a long black

...

old videos of mum

till today, i have not been able to bring myself to view any of the videos i took of mum. it will still make me tear. it is not easy to move on from her passing. and i see the same from a lot of people. that regardless of how long their parents have passed on, it still hit a raw nerve when they bring up the past. such emotions tend to hit us when we are down. and as for the videos, it will hit me even if i am not down. 

we may say we've move on, but in reality, we have not. the umbilical cord will never be broken.

that's life. 

“shithole”

this is such a terribly low term to use...

downsizing

it's the kinda show where you walk out wondering what the hell you have watched. and between the start and the end, you constantly wonder where the show was heading. i read some of the reviews after the show and noted some gave it 4.5/5 stars rating and i was like - huh? i must be really missing out something big time. perhaps i did, for after all, it starred matt damon right? whatever the case, the show didn't work for me. or perhaps i was just too tired when i walked into the cinema and 12.15am and mentally was not ready for this movie.

extreme weather

we saw extreme weather all over the world these 2 weeks - extreme cold in the states and china, extreme heat wave in sydney, flash flood in singapore, etc. in the news, i read about alligators going into hibernation state, turtles frozen as they walk, a boy in china getting frost bite when the temperature dropped suddenly to -9 degree celsius as he was making his way to school, flying fox dropping off the trees, widespread forest fires, mudslides, etc. what the hell is happening to the world!? at this rate of change, we will see temperature country animals migrating to the tropics and animals in the tropics will start to go extinct! yes, we are clearly in the age of anthropocene. yup, i do believe this is the result of human activities on the environment resulting in the warming of the oceans thereby causing weather havoc (and the potus maintains that global weather change is a hoax or something to this effect... doh!)

tomorrow, we singaporeans will be expecting a very cooling temperature here - 22 degree celsius, as predicted by the weatherman. frankly, such temperature is what i experience when i go into the air-conditioned space or when i visit hong kong during spring/ autumn. i don't ever remember having such temperature in tropical singapore for as long as i've lived. the lowest i've ever experienced was 23 degree celsius and, even then, it was not often enough until recent times. at this rate of things, i believe i will be able to experience singapore's temperature hitting below 20 one of these days (in the coming years). 

but of course, apart from the non-stop rain, i am not complaining about the cool temperature. it is just perfect for me. 

nice!

post note: reported in the news that the lowest last night was 21.9 degree celsius in the northern parts of the island.

hong kong & i

i have never visited a country or a foreign place as much as i had for hong kong (i don't consider taipei when counting my trips as i had visited taiwan mostly for military exercises). over the past 2-3 years, i probably had visited hong kong 10 times or so. my colleagues and friends had ask me why and my answers are often one of the following:

• hong kong is messy, yet orderly. sounds very conflicting right? well, it is messy and in its messiness, very full of energy. i enjoy this energy tremendously. and interestingly, it is the very fact that i can get my me-space in the midst of this busy-ness that made the city so attractive to me. and despite it's messiness, one can easily find certain sense of orderliness once you know the place well enough. things here move like clock work and there is a certain sense of predictability and assurance in the things that are happening. this provides visitors like me a certain sense of comfort - an important thing for some one in a foreign land.

• it is very easy to get around in hong kong. its public transport is very integrated, convenient, and reliable. and after the first couple of times, moving around hong kong in its public transport is really  piece of cake. you have trains, buses, trams, etc all at your finger tips. and what more - the octopus card (stored value card) can even be used for ferry rides between the islands. how convenient right? and to add to that, you can even use the octopus card to pay at fast food restaurants and convenience stores.

• hong kong is very easy to navigate and a very walkable city. one can easily walk from point to point in the city without getting lost big time. couple with that, there are vast numbers of walking/ hiking trails across both hong kong island and kowloon and the many off shore islands. it helped tremendously that these trails are well marked and you can even find much information on these trails in the net/ apps. 

• culturally, this is a land that is very different from singapore. it is a homogenous chinese/ cantonese city whereas singapore is multi-racial and multi-religious. but for short getaways, these differences do not matter much to me. and being chinese, it is not difficult for me to fit in into the hong kong culture. my chinese heritage helped.

• language-wise, i do not speak cantonese. ok, at most a splattering of a few words here and there, and maybe a few short sentences at most. but hong kongers are very ok with english and chinese and it is very easy to get by speaking to them in either of these languages. since 1997 hong kongers' attitudes towards chinese-speaking tourists have changed. you see, during the pre-1997 days, they would frown on anyone that spoke mandarin and behaved rather rudely to them, but these days, speaking mandarin is normal. of cos, hong kongers are still very pro-english speakers and thus if i need some good attention/ service, i will converse in english.

• the food. i am no foodie and is really bad when it comes to deciding which food is better that which. but i do enjoy hong kong food lots. some of my friends have mentioned about eating pigeons, blood, etc and all sorts of exotic stuff when in hong kong. to me, as a person who would even visit kfc or macdonalds overseas, i am not particular about food. but what worked for me when in hong kong is are the many food found along the streets such as street side stores, cha chang ting (local cafetaeria), and local restaurants that sell roast meats. i recalled a couple of times where i would just head to the wet market, order half a kg of roast meat, some stewed chicken wings and just head back to my room and enjoy them with a can of beer as i watched tv. some of the simplest stuff in life are the most meaningful and enjoyable.

• weather is a huge factor for me. i love cool weather and hong kong provided me the perfect place to enjoy such weather. the low humidity also helped a great deal as i do not end up feeling sticky and uncomfortable after a while. of cos, this also meant that most of my trips occurred during non-summer periods. i liked it particularly during the winter/ spring periods where there are no typhoons.

• hong kongers are friendly people. well for most, you will probably not agree with me. true that hong kongers come across as loud, rude and do often shout at you (especially at restaurants). but after you get to know them and their culture, you find that that's just how they are. they do not see it as a rude thing to talk a little louder. in my many occasions when i do my hikes, i often get hong kongers greeting me as they walked by me - zhou san (good morning), lei hou (how are you?), etc are all common greetings i get. really nice right? over time, i have also learned to greet people likewise when i walked pass them during my hikes.

• friends. over time, i've had made a couple of good hong konger friends and although i don't usually meet up with them when i'm there, they are always welcoming and would be ready to assist me whenever i needed any assistance/ advice. thus, the sense of security and support is something that i appreciate.

of cos there are some other fleeting factors like gay sauna and stuff, but as i don't usually visit such places, i don't count them as major factors. heh.... so yeah... these are some of the reasons why i go back to hong kong so often. i enjoy the place, the people, the culture and the food. i have not really found a place that provides all these factors altogether. and oh, i think hong kong man are hot! agree? haha... then again, at my age, any men can be considered hot. hmmm, i getting to sound desperate... lol!

:-)

hong kong & macau - day 5

this was the last day of my trip and... i still have not return sy's t-shirt and shorts to him! i need to do this before i depart. after all, this was one of the things i had set out to do during this trip. he has not fixed a time to meet. 

wilson had texted me the night before to meet up for breakfast at 8am. as much as i looked forward to meet him, i was seriously not up to it as i couldn't sleep the night before. for some reasons, i had insomnia again and managed to only fall asleep at 3-plus am. it might be because i drank coffee the night before. anyway, i dragged myself out of bed and told myself i needed to meet wilson. i had connected with him in grindr when i was in osaka but did not manage to meet him. he wanted to say hello and buy me breakfast before busying with his weekend chores. thought it was really nice of him. we ended up having a quick breakfast at the cha chan ting (local cafeteria) opposite my hotel. it's really nice to talk to a person face-to-face and get to know him better.

i went back to the hotel and rested after that. i had asked for late check out and spend the rest of the morning just lying in bed and watched whatever was on the tv. it was so irritating that the cleaner knocked on my door despite having placed the "do not disturb" sign outside. the afternoon after checking out was kinda unplanned and impromptu. i had texted sy and arranged to meet him at 3pm. and with 2 hours to waste, i found myself walking aimlessly from yau ma tei (where my hotel was) to mongkok. i ended up standing in the mongkok mtr station and playing games in my mobile! haha... in the end, i thought i'd just catch whichever train that came long and see where it leads me to. i ended up in the green line and decided to visit chi lin nunnery next to the diamond hill station.

i have visited the chi lin nunnery for as long and as many times as i can remember. i simply love how serene this place is. interestingly, it always drizzle whenever i visit this nunnery and it was no different this time round. i arrived at the nunnery, walked around the temple and prayed for a good year ahead. i had previously made it a point to visit the temple at the start of the year and for this year, i have not done it. and so, the impromptu visit to the nunnery provided me the opportunity to do my prayers. the visit lasted no more than half an hour but it provided me the spiritual connection i needed.

met sy for a quick afternoon coffee and cake at a local cafeteria and left for the airport after that. and of cos, i made sure i ate my favourite rice meal at the airport before my departure. nice! that capped my 5-day hong kong & macau trip. managed to do all the things i had wanted to do and caught up with a couple of friends. of cos, i couldn't meet up with more of them as they were busy with exams and work, but it was good. looking forward to my next trip already!

but for now, it's back to reality.

hong kong & macau - day 4

for day 4, i went hiking at the dragon’s back...

frankly, i woke up feeling a little unmotivated to hike. after all, i had walked quite a bit when i visited macau and lamma island the past 2 days and my body was aching badly. and so i lazed in bed until quite late before i decided to pull myself up and headed out of the hotel. the dragon's back trail is located in shek o and i had heard so much about it. i had previously wanted to visit it but missed the bus stop and ended up in some villages and this time round i told myself i will make it to the trail.

the trip to dragon's back was not unfamiliar to me. i took the mtr to hsiao qi wan station (the same place i went to on day 1 when i visited the sinseh) and boarded bus no 9 from the bus depot located just next to the mtr station. when i arrived there, there was already a small crowd of tourists and i could only guessed they were also going to the dragon's back trail. in no time the bus came and seated next to me were 3 young 20-something asians (2 female [one of whom bleached her hair blond] and 1 male). from the way they spoke and their slang/ accent, it was obvious they were from some western countries. much as i am quite chill about non-asian asians, i couldn't help but thought they were a little over the top, and somewhat disrespectful. they spoke and laughed loudly, scream at the littlest things (such as when the bus ran over a stone and we experienced a little bump), and commented at every thing they saw, including street names, signages, etc. inside me, i was like - hey, please behave yourself can? anyway, the bus came to a particular stop where everyone alighted. i followed suit and found myself at the start of the dragon back's trail.

the dragon's trail is a ridgeline along the shek o district and rose up to 230-over meters above sea level at its highest peak. on this ridgeline, one can have a really good view of hong kong and the surrounding islands. it took some 15-20min of hard climbing before i reached the ridge and it was superbly windy. the weather, some 18 degrees celsius, was really nice and cooling and perfect for the hike. i had expected this hike to be relatively simple and had not prepared any bottled water nor carried my backpack along. i also did not want to hurt my shoulder further as it had started aching after my climb in lamma the day before. and so, with only my light sweater tied around my waist, i started my hike along the dragon's back trail. the trail was really pleasant - quite undulating and rather steep at times, but overall, it was very refreshing. the cold of the winds did helped me a lot as it kept me going. i surprised myself at certain stretch when i actually ran... heh heh... i stopped multiple times to enjoy the scenery around and it was really beautiful. imagine this - as you walk, the mist (or clouds) whisked by at high speed across the ridge and during the occasional clearing, you get to see the sceneries in the distant. gorgeous right? it took me about 2-3 hours to complete the full stretch of the dragons back trail. i was glad i did it. 

for some reasons, i started having diarrhoea when i reached the end of the trail. it was superbly uncomfortable to have to endure a churning stomach as i made my way back to the mtr. went back to the hotel after that and rested in my hotel. day 4 evening was an unfortunate one where i got cheated by someone of hkd200. shan't talk about it here as i wanted to focus the post on the trail. suffice to say, when i mentioned it to my hk friends, they were shocked and to a certain extent, embarrassed by it. sighs.

hong kong & macau - day 3

woke up late on day 3 and visited lamma island. this was such a charming place. it was a short ferry ride away from the harbour but the whole ambience was totally different, almost worlds apart.

lamma island is a fishing island. i decided to take the ferry to sok kwu wan (索罟湾) (rainbow bay) and hiked towards yung shue wan (榕树湾) (banyan tree bay). it was interesting that when i arrived, there was a hosted lunch going on at the jetty seafood restaurant and guests were invited to belt a couple of songs as they ate. there was this particular 60-over year old lady who sang a traditional cantonese song and it was just amazing how "traditional" her voice sounded - big pitch (soprano-like), yet not piercing - just like how the family song di nu hua sounded like when i heard it long time ago. i stood there and watched her sing for a moment before continuing my walk.

the walk was rather straightforward - not too hilly and the climb was relatively gentle initially. it brought me through the tin hau (天后) temple and as I climbed, the view of the whole village came into sight. it was really nice to be able to see the many fishing pontoons scattered within the bay itself. it was then that i came to appreciate how the hills around the bay served as barriers to typhoons during the typhoon seasons. my climb also brought me to little houses and at one point i missed a turn and ended up in another village at the eastern side of the island. had no choice but to walk back up the hill to get back to track. it was really tiring and it drained me of my energies. heh heh...

anyway, lamma island was interesting. on one hand, it is old, rustic and charming, yet on the other side of the island, there was a huge electric power station. this station, i understand, generates and provides electricity to hong kong. it was superbly contrasting given the 3 towering chimney that rose above all the hills and the tree-less landscape of the whole installation. the whole walk took me some 3 hours. i didn't bother to stay and explore the villages at yung shue wan (榕树湾) (banyan tree bay) as i was tired. took my lunch there and boarded the 3.15pm ferry back to kowloon.

i spend the evening relaxing in bed. my body and right shoulder had started to ache after carrying the backpack through the day. i was supposed to meet up with sy this evening but in the end told him i wanted to just stay in bed and rest. 

hong kong & macau - day 2

i visited macau on day 2 and it was a good and refreshing trip. the ferry lasted an hour and after checking around with the locals, i boarded a public bus and made my way to the city center. walked around the place and along the old meandering lanes that were lined with shops selling local fare and souvenirs. the lanes led me to the ruins of the st paul’s cathedral. this is the icon of macau and as to be expected, it was really crowded. as usual, there were lots of loud mainlanders. the thing about mainlanders are that you can spot them from far - by their fashion sense as well as from the volume of their conversation.

i’ve often wondered what’s behind the famous facade of the cathedral and how it could still stand after so many decades. i got my answers when i surveyed the back of it. it was supported by an elaborate structure of steel beams. and beyond that, on what would have been the interior of the cathedral, what the locals did was to developed the space into a small tourist visit site where tourists could walk around and view whatever remains of the cribs (tombs). and at the basement, there was a small exhibition area that showed a small number of artefacts of the old cathedral.

after visiting the cathedral, i decided to walk back to the harbour instead. i wanted to experience and witness how the locals live their lives. my walk took me through lanes and lanes of tightly stacked houses and shops. it reminded me of hong kong but it was a lot cleaner and certainly a lot less crowded. but what struck me was the fact that all the street signs and public signages of buildings were written in chinese, portugese and english. such signages are reminders of the days of portugese rule. it’s special to macau and gave it it’s distinctive feel.

i had the pleasure to interact with a visitor from england and she too had taken a day trip to macau. had a good chat with her through the journey back to hong kong. it was a short but a good and meaningful trip. macau is smaller than hong kong and in many ways, not as famous as hong kong. but it is a really charming place to visit. i enjoyed the trip and ended the day with a quick catch up with howard, a hong kong friend that i got to know some time back. good to reconnect with old friends.

hong kong & macau - day 1

i made the decision to leave country for my second week of my leave. this week is when i can expect a lot of emails and calls as the year has started and most would be returning from their annual leave. nonetheless, i thought it’d be useful to let my staff manage themselves and not rely on me to make decisions. and so, with my knapsack ob my back, i headed off to hong kong for a 5-day trip (3 days if you were to exclude the inbound and outbound days). of cos, i left message with a couple of senior people within my team to text me via my personal mobile if they need me to come in.

it felt good to return to hong kong. been a year since a last visited and i missed the walking. this time round, i also decided that i would do things beyond what i had done previously, and i had also wanted to return sy's t-shirt and shorts to him (he stayed over my place last year and had forgotten to bring it back when he returned to hk). so here’s my thoughts for my trip thus far (am writing this entry in the ferry ride to an offshore island on day 3).

i made a visit to the sinseh once i landed. an ex-colleague mentioned to me before that this particular sinseh was really good in treating backaches. i decided to head straight to the place after leaving the airport as i didn’t want to be late. it took some efforts to locate the place as it was located in an old building. The clinic was no bigger than 10sq meters and the space was crowded with a massage chair, a sofa, some office cabinets, an altar, and a working table.

it was interesting that he diagnosed the cause of my backaches to be my left foot. interestingly, it was this leg that suffered a cracked metatarsal years ago. he explained that my whole body was in a state of imbalance due to this leg and went on to describe very accurately the pains that i had also experienced in my right buttocks, my back, my spine, my neck, and shoulder. amazingly, he also mentioned that as a result of all these misalignment, i also have gastric reflux as my rib cage has exerted pressure on my stomach. with this diagnosis, he went on to use his qigong to treat me. quite interesting right? anyway, i didn’t have too much expectations as releasing some pressure is a temporary solution compared to the cause which is an issue that cannot be resolved so quickly.

it was late evening when i finally checked in to the hotel. and for the rest of the trip, i decided to just not plan too much and just go with the flow. but of cos, broadly, i told myself my bucket list for this trip would include a trip to macau, a trip to lamma island to do some trekking and to catch up with some hong kong friends.

:-)

year end trip - kuching

decided to join my friends (ex-colleagues) for a trip to kuching over the weekend. left on friday evening and return on sunday night, just in time before the start of the new year. there were altogether 5 of us - myself and 2 couples. i simply tagged along. here's some highlights of the trip:

• it was another trip back in time for me. the town reminded me of singapore back in the 70s/ 80s. come to think of it, other than kuala lumpur, most other malaysian towns reminded me of singapore back in the 70s/ 80s. having said, i must say the city has this really beautiful charm about it. for a start, i loved the fact that they are modern yet very traditional. and it was so heartwarming to be able to converse with them in hokkien - something that we don't get so often these days in singapore.

• we visited one of the nature reserve and came close to quite a few orang utans. we were lucky that when we were there, quite a few (i think there was about 7-8 of them) came out of their forest hideouts to meet us. the drive to the nature reserves reminded me of brunei jungle! and i was so totally at home with the forest and the natural environment! lovely.

• we passed by this borneo museum of house or something and decided to pay a visit. after all, karen wanted to visit a long house (and i say dwellers of longhouses practice communal sex - haha) but we couldn't find one along our route back to the city from the nature reserves. and so, we decided to visit this museum as the name kinda suggest it will show us the different dwellings found in borneo - include the longhouse. we couldn't be more wrong. we paid rm29 per head and what we found were lotsa paintings of scenes in kuching, food, etc where we could pose with. nothing fanciful about it. but well, we did make the best of it and gamely took tons of photos with all sorts of different poses and had a good laugh out of it.

• we ate lotsa food during the trip. it was just non-stop eating and eating and frankly, the s$100 i changed went almost entirely to food! we had kolo mee, wanton mee, oyster omelette, crispy oyster omelette, fried carrot cake - both black and white, bbq stingray, deep fried chicken wings, pork satay, sarawak laksa, deep fried tapioca, duck, char siu, roast pork, bamboo chicken, hokkien mee, prawn mee, char kway ciao, apom balik, mee sua, ice cream, local chinese snacks (soon kueh, orh kueh, etc)... and many many more. we were literally stuffing ourselves through the trip. crazy right? lol.

• we made a trip to a pasar malam (night market) almost 20km away from the city center. it was kinda crazy to be driving in the dark for almost half the time but we reckon it was kuching and that it didn't make sense to have well-litted roads to many of the outlying areas. the place was kinda interesting. at one moment, we were in the middle of nowhere and the next moment, we were in a small single road lined with old shop houses and on the road were rows and rows of tables filled with people eating and merry making, complete with people that sportingly took their place on a stage and belting out all sorts of old chinese songs.

• we took a walk around the old lorongs near the river and there were many many stores selling local sarawakan handicraft. it was rather interesting and reminded me of singapore's arab street. we also managed to take a sampan ride on the sarawak river. had to negotiate the price with the old man as the sampan was used to transport passengers across the river instead of "cruising the river". the half hour ride was rather nice as we were able to view some of the iconic buildings along the river that include the government office, the istana (they spelled it astana), some old but grand-looking mosques, etc.

• the hotel room was a tat too eerie for me. i walked in, the room looked decent and big enough. but for some reason, the toilet gave me the creeps. it's that kinda feeling where you look in and you feel that something is amissed. i didn't get a good feeling walking in and whatever i do inside, be it showering, brushing my teeth, taking a dump etc, i cannot help but feel there is something beside or behind me. anyway, this was the first time i slept in the hotel room with the lights turned on. i was glad it was only a 2-night stay.

of cos the trip was not entirely about touristy sights cos we also managed to squeeze in a visit to the temple, some shopping, karaoke session and a movie! lol! i had visited kuching once before in the mid-90s and i totally do not have any memory of what it looked like. all i vaguely recalled was that i stayed with kathy's family and she (and ron) brought me around the place to eat their local food and visited some touristy places. anyway, this trip was a restful one with all the logistics and planning done by christy.

it was indeed a good break.

2017 - year of work

i don't think i'll do a long post this time round (compared to previous years). 2017 will be known as the “year of work”. no second thoughts about it. after 2 years of crazy roller coaster rides, 2017 had been relatively quiet and boring in almost all aspects. and this was, to a large extent, due to the all-consuming work throughout the year. but it was a welcome change ironically. work was a necessary evil as i had started a new job and needed to learn on the run. it also provided me the legitimate excuse to run away from all the issues that happened in my personal life. and on this note, i shall start my annual reflection.

work/ professional development

i started the year telling myself i want to learn, and i want to give my best in my new job. i did. and more. my new job started in jan 17 and it was a superbly steep learning curve for me given that the scope of the job was huge, the people were new, and it was a totally new industry for me! it didn't help that i had very difficult people around me within my team - people who played politics, were not cooperative, resistant to change and who chose to align themselves to the previous lead's practises. it was really painful for me. but in perspective, the year started well. lots of learn and lots of support from the team and the bosses. it helped for the fact that everyone was very co-operative. added to this, the team rallied around me very strongly because i was able to engage them and reach out to them. this was a huge contrast to my predecessor that was very task-driven and had only focused all the attention on one particular person (and on a very personal basis as they were very close friends). as time passes, this person began to express frustrations about my management style - that i was not hard enough with the rest of the team, that i should be more like my predecessor and tell people to do, and if they don't to simply punish them. this was simply not my style. and after the inability to demand a change in my style of management, together with a couple of other frustrations (e.g. of not getting the attention needed, not getting the promotion, etc), this person left. i realised how much a trouble maker this person was after the departure as all the things that was swept and hidden under the carpet started to surface - processes messed up, budget mismanaged, etc. i was glad this person left. it was for the longer term good. anyway, for a good part of the last couple of months, i was hell busy covering the responsibilities of a couple of vacant headcount. i took them in stride and didn't pressure myself to hire anyone hastily. told myself i will recruit the right people for the job. very glad that as of now, two positions have been closed. one more to go. next year will definitely going to be a lot better.

bee

similar to last year, i didn't have many things to write about bee this year. i started off the year with little to no expectations and just wanted to do my part. things went relatively well and we had our frequent meet ups for meals. and one thing remained constant - he could never take time off to go for a break with me, even if it was for the weekend. it was frustrating to plan for trips consistently, just to end up with him pulling out in the end and with me going for the trip alone. things began to spiral downwards when he started to venture into a new business. increasingly, the time available got less and the neglect increase. it was rather unbearable at times, although i must say many a times i was able to use my own work to escape. work helped fill his absence and it helped somewhat. as for him, he didn't want to talk much about his work and i had to find out from others about what he's doing. didn't like this but this was just how things were. we hardly communicate anymore. everything about his these days are only about his work. it is in this context that friends came in important for me. my friends filled the gap this year whenever they could.

friends

i wanted to expand my social space and deepen my friendship at the start of 2017. in this area, i rate this aspect a “fail”. things didn't turn out as i had wished. in perspective, the year started well for me as my friends rallied around me when i changed jobs. for the first half year, the dinner meet ups were frequent and they would come all the way down to town for dinners and to catch up if i could not meet them closer to their workplace. and there were also lotsa activities including travelling to india to attend a wedding, movies, dinners, etc. anyway, time with friends peaked around jun but dipped subsequently due to both increased pressure from work and the unfortunate incident where i got angry with someone from the group i usually hang out with. and given the fact that i usually take a prolonged time to move on with such incidents, time with friends eventually took a lower priority in the second half of the year. it didn't helped that everyone also got busy with their respective work as the year picked up. eventually, the time together with friends began to taper downwards and the connections to my friends got looser towards the end of the year. these days, if i have any time, i would simply blast the whatsapp group and ask if anyone is free for dinner as it was almost impossible to have dinner with bee as he would be working. and often, i will end up eating alone.

but lest i trash myself too much about this, i must say that i did managed to make a couple of nice people from grindr. you see, with the extra me-time, i sought friendship online via grindr. i supposed within grindr, there were quite a few lonely souls who were looking and reaching out to people for friendship and to fill their own respective void. for the few that i got to know, it was interesting that i ended up some sorts of an uncle agony as they shared their issues about relationships and thoughts. and this, perhaps, is another gift I have that i had not previously mentioned - i am natural when it comes to coaching people about life. i have the natural tendency to want to reach out to people in trouble and to coach them. perhaps this is an extension or manifestation of my buddhist self. but the irony of it all was that i have quite a bit of my own challenges in my own personal life that i myself cannot manage. whatever.

personal life

i created this additional heading this year to capture how this year had impacted me personally. i kept to myself, increased my visits to the cemetery and went into the cyberworld - a world of make believe. you see, with increased me-time, lesser friends-time, and even lesser bee-time, i found my heading to places where i could escape to find the solace i need. and i found myself heading to spend time at the cemetery almost every other week. the cemetery is a quiet place and it felt very good to be able to visit my late parents' niche, even if my visits usually lasted less than 10-15minutes. the increased time to myself also meant i felt lonely often. and being somewhat an anti-social person, i invariably end up online. and so gay porn websites (such as pornhub, xtube, etc) and social media apps (such as instagram, tumblr, grindr, and to a lesser extent - jack'd and hornet) became my main escapes. these sites and apps allowed me an alternate world where i was able to indulge myself and to expire whatever frustrations or excess energies i had or needed to vent. in gay websites and tumblr, i indulge in lots and lots of porn - gay porn to be specific. and in instagram, i gained insights into how my friends spend their time, even as i flaunted my own daily experiences. and of cos, via gay social apps such as grindr, jack'd and hornet, i found my friendships. such were the escapes that featured in much of my me-time throughout the year. amidst all these, i had continued to avoid facebook as i didn't want to partake nor be aware of how bee continued to flaunt his selfies and his indulgence in praises from people online as he had done previously. do you think this is a very sad state of affairs? well, maybe. but i allowed me to keep myself sane and to cope with the pressures at work, the decreased time with friends and the increasing neglect by bee. 

health

i am not sure if i am depressed but i do often feel sad and have the tendency to withdraw into a world of my own. that aside, i thought i fared generally well in the areas of health and wellness, apart from one or two minor scares. the year started quite uneventfully. after so many years of back aches and pains, the orthopaedic specialist finally confirmed that i had a herniated disc and that was the main issue that was the cause of my constant back pains. the consciousness that i had a herniated disc made me a little more careful with myself when it came to posture, walking, exerting pressure on my back, etc. glad this consciousness helped although there were a couple of occasions where the back flared up. i also had quite a few bouts of near missed with flu and nasty issues but on the whole, i thought my health was ok. i half suspect this was the result of the high intensity of work where i was literally not able to fall sick. the adrenaline levels was just that high at work that it continued to push my limits. the thing about such adrenaline rush was that after every major activity, i would just collapse in total exhaustion. that, perhaps, was the only times where i was able to take a break - by falling temporarily sick. by the end of the year, i had totally burnt out. there was, however, a health scare mid year where one day where i felt a little stinking pain as i washed my foreskin. there was a little tear. i had this several times previously when i washed myself too roughly. such tears usually heal by itself after two day or so. but this time round, it didn't. the tear grew into a sore that grew larger and got inflamed. it freaked me out and i eventually sought medical help. the doctor told me i had been “too rough” but to make sure there was nothing more nasty, i was put through a hiv test. the test turned out negative. thankfully. there seemed to be a few things developing towards the end of the year - i've started developing a bad migraine since nov, i also noticed that my eyesight had deteriorated significantly in recent months, and there is also an increased inability to remember things/ forget things. anyway, i hope these issues don’t get any worst in the coming year.

bloggers/ blogging

i wanted to continue to blog and i think i did although i must say the motivation to do so was really not there. there were so many times where i entertained the idea of abandoning this blog. i was just too unmotivated to blog. i didn't have the energy to do so, especially after a long hard day at work. and so my habit of blogging daily to capture my daily reflections eventually died. i ended up blogging once a week, and later, once every two-three weeks. moving ahead, i am not sure if i can still keep up this habit but i will try. i still believe that all things being equal, blogging will continue to provide me the space to capture my thoughts, document my life, connect with friends and more importantly, provide me the space to look back, reflect and to learn about myself.

conclusion

on the whole, this year has been very intense for me. work-wise, it was all-consuming. the lack of emotional support from bee was overwhelming many a times and towards the end of the year, i found myself getting more and more irresponsible to myself when it comes to living my own life. i know things are wrong but on the other hand, i continued to indulge in it as it allowed me the momentarily escape into a world where i felt accepted and right. i shan't talk too much nor elaborate about it here. negatively, i am destroying myself although positively, this is a continuation of my life's journey and experiences towards self-discovery. this is perhaps an issue, but... whatever. i end 2017 with not much resolutions nor thoughts for 2018 except with the hope that i will be a happier person in 2018. and to achieve that, i think a good start would be to look inwards and to address my own expectations about people around me.

happy 2018 everyone.

mature men...

while i still get infrequent messages from people in grindr, i also noticed increasingly that the profiles that drop me messages are those that prefer mature guys. while this in itself is quite flattering, the words on the profile can be rather depressing. one particular profile read "i like old men" as his intro. terrible right? although technically, the word “old” is correct but it just sounds so... erm... old. why not just use the term "mature" or "daddies"...

we mature men will know what you mean.

lol!

day trips - melaka

clearing some leave these two weeks and decided to do an impromptu day trip to melaka yesterday. and instead of taking the expressway (which will take me about 3hours), i decided to take the coastal road. have never taken this road before and thought it would be interesting. 

and after clearing the customs, i took the route less travelled and drove through pontian, batu pahat, and muar, and a lot of smaller kampongs before arriving at melaka late afternoon. the whole journey took me almost 7 hours. but it was an interesting drive. have not seen the kampongs along the coastal areas and it was indeed refreshing. reminded me of my childhood days as well as the brunei kampongs when i did my national service back in the 80s. what struck me most was the clear segregation of malays and chinese as i drove. it was not difficult to identify chinese houses vs malay houses. and i also do not see them interacting like the way we do in singapore. perhaps this is the outcome of their race-based politics. anyway, that's malaysia.

melaka was a huge disappointment. it has totally lost its old world charm. used to visit it in the 80s, 90s and early 2000. then, jonkers street was full of life and you can experience lotsa street/ hawker stores selling all sorts of local goodies and crafts. very authentic and very lively. these days, and i suspect it was after the awarding of the world heritage status, the place was so crowded and commercialised, many shops were replaced with new manicured shops selling souvenirs (that looks imported from china), and the local food that does not taste anything like it used to, and you even get international brands like h&m selling clothes! i entertained the thoughts of driving up to ipoh taiping. i thought i would be nice to pay a visit to my uncle (if he is still alive). my mum had spoken very fondly of him when she was alive. was glad i managed to hunt down his number and they had a short chat. i didn't head north in the end. it would have been another 400-over km to drive and i didn't think i was up to it. arrived back in singapore close to midnight.

was a very tiring trip. nothing much per se but i supposed such "throw-back to the past" trips are wonderful fodder for the soul once a while. i will be heading to kuching tomorrow with my ex-colleagues and will return on sunday. the last time i visit this city in east malaysia was in 1994 (?) and it reminded me of singapore in the 60s. i am not expecting too much this trip too. perhaps some nature visits, or trekking. most importantly, i am looking forward to the company.

blowjobs

if there's one word in the english dictionary that is a misnomer, or for that matter, an indicator that the english dictionary has not caught up with times, it would be - blowjob.

it totally does not describe the act at all! firstly, no one blows "it". the act of "blowing" involves expulsion of air from the mouth. and unless one is trying very hard to blow dry a wet "one", there is act has absolutely no blowing at all! frankly, and in my own humble opinion (and experience), there's no word that can accurately describe the act that comprise a combination of tongue twirling, sucking, in-out movement, the messy saliva, the occasion gag, and the emotional connection associated with the whole act of (short of a better word) a "blowjob". and since i'm at this topic, i must also say i'm quite amused by two derivatives of this word - "blower" and "blowee"... lol!

ok, this is a random post.

on a more serious note. you can check this site for some background of the word "blowjob": https://www.bustle.com/articles/62120-why-is-it-called-a-blow-job-when-there-isnt-any-blowing-5-mysteries-of-oral

naughty or nice

christmas (or the first day) has come and gone. so...

have you been naughty or/ and nice?

i've been superbly naughty, and i'm not referring to the wining and dining.

go figure...

merry christmas everyone!

of chicken & turkey

jeremy invited me for a christmas dinner and i volunteered to get the turkey. i placed an order for it at a local french restaurant and made the appointment to collect the turkey at 1.30pm christmas eve.

in no time, christmas eve arrived and i came to collect it. when i arrived, i was asked to wait as they had to pack it. as i waited, i reread the order form and noted that it will be about 4.8-5.3kg. after sometime the service staff gave me two bags, thanked me and bade me farewell.

i took it and walked off. as i walked i thought the bags were a little too light and the size didn't seem right. it was too small for a turkey. i decided to return to the restaurant and asked if what they gave me was a turkey. the service staff came up to me and said oh, you've order roast chicken and that's what we gave you....

hmmm... i showed him my order form and clarified that they have given me a wrong order as i had ordered a roast turkey. he stared at me for a while and then turned to his kitchen staff - who said no it's correct cos jeremy ordered roast chicken. for a while, i wondered how the hell they know the food was for jeremy... anyway, i simply went up to them and showed them my order form. i am not jeremy. i am jeffrey.

it was then that they realised they had prepared another customers' order for me. so... well, i got the turkey in the end and all's well.

:-)

weaver

i reflected about what i was strong in following a recent event and concluded that my natural strength was in weaving stories. here's why.

i performed recently in the department concert. as a "new comer" to the department, everyone must perform in at least one department event - such as christmas, d&d, chinese new year, etc. for me, it was to be the christmas concert. i had postponed it a few times and couldn't do so this time round as it was the last performance of the year. so a group of us came together and we decided to put up a skit. it was a nonsensical skit based loosely on a children tale and in this tale, we convolute it with characters from harry porter, father christmas, foxes, reindeers, etc. it was actually quite funny. 

in this skit, i was the narrator and i had to also double up as one of the characters. the team lead put in a lot of effort to script the whole skit, complete with cues etc to guide the change of background and props etc. but i insisted i will not follow the scripted text, i will just go with the flow depending on the audiences' reaction. to me, it was important to deliver not just a skit, but a production that engages the audience at the same time. this, i rationalised, would make the production very natural and we would not be too stressed with having to adhere to specific lines. the team lead also choreographed a dance as an end to the performance. 

due to our tight time schedule, we only managed to meet 4-5 times to discuss the plot, develop the story, and rehearse the production. so, you can imagine how unpolished our performance was. but we went ahead, assuring ourselves that the concept of engaging the audience would help mitigate any flaws in the production. and so, after a couple of rehearsals, it was showtime. happily, the whole performance was very well-received. everyone enjoyed it. there was a lot of laughter, a lot of participations and everyone joined in the fun. the great thing about such responses was that it reinforces itself and the outburst of laughters was very spontaneous and very contagious. 

we walked out of this whole performance feeling very high and we were voted the best performing team by the audience. i reflected on the success and came to a conclusion (yet again) that apart form the teamwork, the narration and audience engagement played a big role. but looking at the amount of "mistakes" i made, i was able to twist and turn the outcome such that it seemed natural. the so called mistakes were mistakes to me, but to everyone else, they thought it was deliberate. in another words, i was natural when it came to storytelling. linking this experience with all the many other speeches, training, etc that i did, i concluded i have a natural tendency to refuse scripted text. i allowed my articulation of anything (my speech, the skit, etc) to flow according to the "feel" and i was always guided by key points rather than fixed scripts. and one thing stood out for me - i was able to weave little bites of everyday things into what i say and it came out very naturally. it was always very impromptu, very spontaneous and very instinctive. and consistently, it was these little bites that made the difference.

so yeah, i think i am a natural weaver. a weaver of stories. a weaver who is able to connect dots and articulate it as a story. it explained the good feel people get when they attend my trainings. i was able to infuse my personal experiences into the concepts taught, and most importantly, deliver it naturally. proud of myself.

:-)

51

today marked the start of my 51st year on this planet.

uneventful. quite a few wishes from my friends throughout the day. and truth be told, the first wish that came in this morning by edwin made me smile. i was feeling somewhat down these few weeks given the constant neglect by bee. it was his work all the time and there was hardly any attention by him. i was so totally pissed off. he didn't even wish me happy birthday (not that i was yearning for it)... and it was non-stop unfulfilled promises - i'll go bangkok with you, i'll come back by this time, i'll do this, or i'll do that, or... and so, with an email from edwin from faraway, it felt good. it made me smile. thanks edwin.

the rest of the day passed by uneventfully. i told myself i will make the best of today. woke up, went for breakfast, and headed to my late-mum's place to place the property-tax letter into the postbox. i was not about to pay the tax now that i had handed over the property to my brother. he should jolly well settle it himself. went to pay respect to my parents after that. visiting the cemetery has been a routine for me these days. on my way home, i decided to give myself a birthday treat and booked an appointment for a body massage in the afternoon. it was just so relaxing. i was so relaxed and felt exhausted by the end of the day, i simply collapsed in bed for a nap. woke up early evening, changed up and headed to town to attend a colleague's son's wedding. 

that was how i spend my birthday. told myself that only i can take care of myself and i kept reminding myself not to feel disappointed with bee, although frankly, i was on the verge of telling him that if his work is so important to the point of neglecting me (since the last couple of years), then we might was well call this relationship off. 

but well, let's not think too much and just focus on myself.

:-)

star wars viii - the last jedi

the show started off rather slow and the pace was inconsistent. nonetheless, i still enjoyed the movie. there were so many twists but in the end, it all made sense. i particularly enjoyed how many of the characters of star wars past appeared. loved it.

murder on the orient express

i was totally exhausted when i went to watch this show with my ex-colleagues. i was half asleep throughout the show. having said that, it was such a good thing that i caught the start and the end very clearly and i could appreciate how deeply this whole uncovering of the plot affected poirot so profoundly it changed his thinking. stellar casts, very strong acting, and overall a very charming and stylish production.

justice league

frankly, i had expected more from this show. a little disappointing. nonetheless, it was entertaining and a good fitting end to a stressful week before my trip to sydney.

my nov work trip to bangkok

i spend a week in bangkok for work. this was the week after my sydney trip and i had only one day in singapore to catch up with errands, laundry and to squeeze in a wedding lunch. anyway, the trip to bangkok was a crazy one. i was the main co-ordinator for a global hr conference and it was quite a hell to be a co-ordinator, a logistician, a master of ceremony, tour guide, etc all rolled into one. but all said and done, the event went well and it was good that everyone had a good experience. the event ended on thursday and my colleagues left on friday afternoon, by which time i was so exhausted i slept my way through the afternoon. i took the opportunity to extend my trip through the weekend. 

it was my first trip to bangkok in 12 years and i was totally lost. bee had agreed to spend the weekend with me but, as usual, he didn't in the end as he had to work (again). and as i had time all to myself, i ended up sleeping and just lazing in my room and exploring grindr to check out the gay men in bangkok. i was bored and unmotivated to head out to explore the city. and i got messages from people who are massage boys, gay men from overseas including cambodia, japan, etc. haha... it was just so unproductive and i felt so bored. the furthest i dragged myself to on friday night was to a small street market next to my hotel for some food before heading back to my room to watch the news on tv and explore people in grindr. 

saturday, however, was rather eventful. you see, on friday night, i texted someone (whom i got to know in singapore) in grindr to ask if there are any place that i should visit (he claimed he's thai). and that was when i found out that he wanted to fly to bangkok but could not get a hotel room as all were booked or were too expensive. and so i offered him half my bed. he was kinda surprised to get such a offer but accepted it and went ahead to book an air ticket right away. i had never done such a thing before - offering my bed to strangers but well, i wanted to help (really). i regretted almost immediately after i offered but i kept my word. i regretted cos of the reaction i got. suddenly, i got all the drama - omg, i send u my pic so that you are ok with me, are you sure? are you ok with me? omg omg omg! are you sure you are ok with me, i mean... are you sure?... i was literally caught off guard with such a response and i told him straight off that i was merely providing him a space and he need not send me any photo, etc. you sure right? if i turn up at your door and you don't let me in, i'll freak out... he went on... for me, it was a simple case of - you come, take half the space, do your own stuff, i do my own stuff - simple as that. but for him, whatever was in his mind, he was just so over the top drama. i came to a point where i had to tell him that if he still go on drama-ing, i'll take back my offer. he stopped after that...

anyway, he arrived the next day (saturday late morning) with a huge luggage! and from the start, the whole conversation, the topics, the chemistry. everything was totally off. the interaction was so awkward. i wanted to just ask him to mind his own business but i couldn't. he went on and on and on non-stop. and so, the awkward conversations and exchanges saw me testing my boundaries in my responses when i felt the conversation was heading in the wrong direction. i ended up being so bloody firm with him and many-a-times, i had adopted the most condescending tones and at some points, i had to tell him off and to put him in the right place. and despite all these, he didn't seemed to get my point and instead gushed at how objective and mature a person i was, very "man" (wtf). and as a gesture of thanks he offered (insisted was the right word) to bring me to chatuchak, he went on and on about how bad he'd feel if i didn't allow him to show me to chatuchak. at chatuchak, he tried to grab my elbow and i had to push his hand away, not without telling him firmly i don't do physical contacts in public. i added that the only person whom i allowed such contacts was my partner. and i told him i wanted to explore the place on my own. in the end, we parted and i didn't head back to hotel until almost 10pm saturday night. i didn't want to interact with him.

that night, i retired to bed and as usual, i kept to the side of my bed. and he reached out and tried to pull my hand, and said something like do you want to sleep closer to me or something along this line. i was rather pissed off with him and told him off "i offered you half my bed out of goodwill and if you dare touch me in the middle of the night, i swear i would throw you out of the room right away". he didn't stop and i thought he didn't get my very explicit message for he added, why do you sleep at the side of the bed, come towards me la... i had half my mind to chase him out but held my patience and simply told him that sleeping at the side of my bed was my habit, and he added "but i scared you fall off the bed"... this response lost me totally and i half-raised my voice and said "stopped mommy-ing me! i have lived up to 50-over years on earth and even my mum did not ask me to not sleep at the side of my bed!". i thought he got my message after this for he quietly retreated to his corner and kept quiet. i simply ended the conversation by half ordering him to "go sleep!". the night passed peacefully for me. thankfully.

anyway, i was so glad he eventually checked out on sunday. i did so too not too long after that. i don't think i will ever offer my bed to people anymore in future. 

my nov work trip to sydney

was in sydney for a week in nov to conduct a global program at one of my company's subsidiary office. and while i was there, many many meetings were arranged for me to get to know the people there, not to mention the non-stop emails from singapore that had to be attended to at the same time. then again, it was not all work and no play. managed to steal away on 2 evenings to catch up with ps (a friend from singapore who migrated to australia) and my cousin (and his partner). and that was really good. and it was during this week that australia voted to legalise same-sex marriage. 

on the day i landed, i took the opportunity to visit the harbour bridge areas (including the opera house), qvb and oxford street. one cannot visit sydney without visiting the opera house right? and i was shocked with what i saw - huge crowds of people, and i mean huuuuge. i don't remember it being so crowded. when i last visited it about a decade back, there were lotsa spaces when i visited opera house and the sydney harbour bridge areas. this time, it was so jam packed with people, it was impossible to take a photo of the opera house without more than half the background filled with people. sighs... i left the place almost immediately after i reached. 

i also visited oxford street - sydney's gay street. this gay mecca was a place not to be missed for me.  but i was disappointed. the place was dead. my first visit to oxford street was in 1994 and i visited the place again in the early 2000. back then, the place was so vibrant. there were lotsa activities, crowds, lights and sounds... and people from all over the world converge there to witness the lively gay scene. and there were many many gay bars that compete to show who was more rauncy - lives shows, a-go go-boy shows, etc. while i didn't visit any of these shows, it was in one of oxford street's porn shops that i had my first live view of orgies, blowjobs, etc. but all these had disappeared. it was all quiet when i visited it. even the porn shop that i walked into looked tired, dated and almost dead. my cousin shared that if i wanted to see the crowd, i should visit it on fri and sat midnight. then again, he acknowledged that the level of energy these days could not be compared to the past.

i had dinner with ps on one of the evenings. time flies, it had been 4-5 years since she migrated there. and it was really good to be able to catch up with her. i was so happy to know that she's been relatively well and to see that she's in good shape and generally happy with her life. it was such a huge contrast to the life she led when i first know her almost a decade back. also, i met up with my cousin and his partner too. had the chance to visit their house (for the first time) and it was really nice! it felt really warm to have a family member whom i could talk openly and i believe he felt the same too. it was also obvious that both he and his partner had aged. they looked older physically than when i met them the last time. then again, it’s the path of time that all of us have to go through. i was happy that they are still doing great.

anyway, i was glad the programs ended well. didn't have as much time as i'd like to myself. nonetheless, it was good to catch up with ps and cousin. 

eating cum

to be specific, fish cum... ok ok, fish sperm, as stated in the menu.

you see, germs and frank came back over the weekend and we ended up at a japanese restaurant on saturday evening. and there was this very interesting item in the special menu of the month that says "fish sperm". so, we gamely ordered it. the waiting staff explained that it's fish sperm tempura and that kinda set us wondering how the hell sperm can be deep fried (i am sure our mental image was that of human sperm). and it was funny how the female waiting staff explained that it's sperm tempura with such a straight face.

we ordered it and happily chatted away and when the dish was served, it kinda surprised us (or me at least). i had fish sperm soup before in another japanese restaurant and the amount of sperm in the bowl was small, not much different from the volume of our own human ejaculate. but this time round, what i saw on the plate was the size of fish balls! no, no, no pun nor was i suggesting fish sperm came from fish balls. it's totally not possible too. hahah...

anyway, yeah... there were deep fried fish ball-sized tempura fish sperm in the plate! i took one and tasted it and, well, it actually tasted sweet and it has a texture no different from three quarter boiled egg white. but of cos, the whole idea of me eating such humongous (relatively speaking) amount of cum and the mental image of the cock, the smell of the human cum and all made the whole dinner experience somewhat awkward.

haha... before i deviate from the topic of fish sperm... the size of the tempura cum made me wondered what kinda fish could have generated such copious amount of cum! either that or there must have been tons of fishes that is needed. and of cos, the whole process of getting the fishes to cum (as in orgasm) and to collect the ejaculate, it's hard not to have the mental picture of how we humans do it! hmmm, hahahhaha! and i seriously wonder if it could have been whale sperm instead?

whatever the case, there was just too much going on with the catching up that we didn't pursue this topic further. so yes, i ingested a lot of cum over the course of a nice peaceful saturday evening! fish cum.

second anniversary

my mum's second death anniversary will be this coming 16 nov. time flies right? and as i will be in sydney during that week, i decided to do the prayers over the weekend. decided not to buy the full suite of vegetarian food etc and just go with fruits. it's the thoughts that counts.

agree?

filling vacancies

am happy that i am able to finally fill two of the three vacant positions i have at work. been a heavy load on my team and myself. the two new persons had both worked for me in my previous employments. glad they are joining me. look forward to having them with the team!