preparing for my trips

i will be departing for sydney to run a leadership program this coming weekend and will be there for the whole of next week. it's gonna be a superbly hectic week as the people there have planned a series of non-stop meetings for me during the program itself. haiz... 

nonetheless, i look forward to being there. have made arrangements to meet up with ps during one of the nights. been a while since i caught up with her. let's see how it goes, i might be able to also catch up with my cousin.

:-)

blocking people in grindr

i cannot take it when people gets mushy with me and call me dear, love, and what have you. and despite telling them that i am not their dear and love, and that i prefer they do not address me as such (cos in the first place, i don't even know them), they responded with "why honey?". as for me, my response? i block them.

no need to think twice about it.

all the angst

i have no patience with anyone who refuses to listen, close their minds to possibilities and ideas, and above all, keeps harping on how things were done previously. and i didn't like it when despite trying to explain, i get interjected again and again, until i have to eventually use a very firm tone and call the team stop it and let me finish what i have to say before they speak their thoughts! need such tones once a while to get the conversation going, even if it meant making people feel uncomfortable. and i do admit that i myself am very uncomfortable to use such tone of voice.

i have never gotten into situations where i have to use such firm tones (almost to the point where i sound mad) as much as in the recent months. things at work are in a state of fundamental change and despite the months of framing, rationalisation, communications efforts, and workshops to align and bring people along with change, i still get people who focus inwards onto their own areas when issues arise and choose to adopt a "last time, this was how it was done and i expect this to still be done now" approach rather than a more productive approach of "ok, let's see how we can work this out together".

hard not to lose my top! darned! i think this work is creating all the angst in me. i am beginning to also not like myself.

lol!

thor: ragnarok

this is such a pleasant movie to watch. the thor (played by chris hemsworth) in this movie is very different from the thor of the previous editions. he's a lot funnier and whoowwww... with his short hair, he's so bloody hot (not that he was not previously)! it's nice that be able to see quite a few characters such as dr strange, hulk, etc coming together.

watched it over thursday night and ended up heading to work on friday feeling superbly tired. and then watched it again on friday night at the imax theatre in 3d format. frankly, the 3d is nice but it gets a little uncomfortable when it is in imax as it is really into your face.

quick reflections about my trip

was in osaka and kyoto over the last weekend. here's some quick thoughts:

• the place was crazy busy. and it wasn't even tokyo. but generally, i amazed me to see how people are so organised and observed basic courtesies. it's a very japanese thing - being courteous and civil.

• having said that, there was an overwhelming number of koreans and chinese. so much so that the public announcements urging people to refrain from eating or drinking when they walk, or when they shop, etc, included the korean and chinese versions (in addition to the japanese version).

• it was really interesting to see novel ways of marketing stuff. for example, i walked pass a pharmacy and there were 2 salesgirls dressed in schoolgirl-like attire and they were doing a dance routine in unison and waving placards to encourage people to patronise their shop. in a warp way, it reminded me of japanese anime where schoolgirls has large oversized breasts and would dance around and have their breasts bouncing up and down to attract attention of the forever horny japanese guys. hmmm...

• and oh, there seemed to be a lot of cute japanese men! wow! hahah... i could almost imagine them wearing goggles, just like how they did in japanese porn! and of cos i needed to confess here. while at the temples, what caught my attention were cute guys (i don't know whether they were japanese or not) and that was the highlights of my visits to the temples. i even managed to secretly snapped a couple of photos of the cuties! lol!

• the japanese train system was amazing. short trips, inter-city trips, all sorts of variations and each one operating like clockwork. and it was interesting to observe how the train master actually walk from cabin to cabin, bowing as he entered and exit each cabin, and in between, walking slowly and deliberately as he inspected each cabin along the way. very professional.

• looking at the city as i travel from point to point, i could literally picture a scene from godzilla. from my view in the train, the houses looked like toy houses lined with street lamps and overhanging wire cables, and the houses are messily interspersed amidst tall towers. i could imagine godzilla moving around and as he moved, he would wag his gigantic tail and destroy the houses that crossed his path. lol!

• i visited the museum of history in osaka and it was amazing to observe their storytelling technique. by having the museum located in a tall building that overlooks the historical site, they were able to provide a birds' eye view of the current day real-life site, and with clever use of lights and movements, and computer-generated and videos, infuse history over the sites to bring across a story that cuts across the different times of history. impressed.
• regretfully, it rained non-stop during my 4-day stay in japan. nonetheless, i didn't let it affect me too much. bought an umbrella and did my exploration. the only issue was that the rain impacted my abilities to take proper pictures. otherwise, all's ok and good.

• above all, the cool temperature was a huge plus for me.

i will definitely head back to osaka and kyoto again.

trip to japan

it was a superbly short trip. total of 4 days. almost 2 days of flight and 2 days in japan. here's how it went.

thursday, flight from sg to kix (osaka, japan) via taipei. departed in the morning at 7am. took jetstar and all the memories of my previous employment came back as it was an a320. anyway, landed in taipei late morning, had a quick lunch, departed to kix and landed in osaka about 4-ish pm. took the train to namba and stayed at hotel ibis styles in the middle of the shopping belt. beautiful place!

friday, explored osaka. visited the imperial castle and the tenmoji temple. rained throughout due to am impending typhoon. hit back to hotel by late afternoon, took a nap and headed out to do some shopping at umeda area. by this time, gotten myself familiar with the rail system and was able to move about quite easily. but seriously, trying to the the train was a challenge as all the words were in japanese. only manage to find the english translation after some exploring. but yeah, the second day ended well.

saturday, made a trip to kyoto. had planned to visit four location including the signature fox shrine (kintara-inari shrine or something like that), the nijo palace (nijo-jo), the bamboo forest and another shrine. in the end, only managed to visit the fox shrine and the nijo-jo. there was just too many tourist and as it rained through the day, it was not a very comfortable journey as i had to walk with wet feet. worst of all, at the nijo-jo, i had a nasty fall on top of the watch tower. the floor was slippery and i was at the top of the tower taking pictures. and i missed my footing as there was a slope on the side of the stairs, and fell very badly. hit my left elbow and landed on my right loin area (didn't realize my left elbow bleed quite a bit and my right ribs were badly injured until much later). decided to abandon all other locations and took a train back to osaka to rest.

sunday was a long a arduous trip back to singapore via manila. almost couldn't take off as the typhoon was near osaka and announcements of emergency warnings of landslides and evacuations had started. thankfully, the flight took off just as widespread emergency warnings came on. it was interesting cos when i was in the plane getting reading to take off, a loud jingle came on air and it didn't sound like it was from the airplane. i look around and realised that everyone's phone had gone off. i checked my phone and there was a warning (in japanese which i couldn't understand fully except for a few chinese characters relating to emergency and evacuation). amazing.

well, arrived home safe and sound by late evening and that was my short and sharp (and very painful) break to japan.

:-) 

bad online travel agent

i learned from my colleagues that i had to clear half of my annual leave by dec 17. such "unstated" policies are practices that are expected of employees so that the company do not end up with too many uncleared leave by the end of the fiscal year end-mar. and so, i decided to take a break overseas over the deepavali week. deepavali was on wednesday and i took leave on thursday and friday. this gave me a 5-day straight period where i could go on a holiday.

as usual, bee ended up not being able to go. this time round, it was because his passport had expired. and for me, i had wanted to leverage my staff travel benefits (i am still a travel nominee of an ex-colleague) and so i had to book my tickets as late as possible to ensure there are seats for me. things was a little tricky cos i couldn't really find a location that suits my holiday criteria: weather - it must be cool. and with this one single factor, my choice got a lot limited to locations in korea, japan, china and australia. had to look through all the different locations the airline fly to and finally zoomed in onto osaka, kyoto, seoul, melbourne, tasmania, nanjing, etc. thing was - the hotels across most were very expensive... anyway cut the long story short, there were so many limitations related to flight time, hotel cost, etc that i eventually decided to use an online travel portal that sells flight and hotel packages. by that time, it was already wednesday night and i had lost one day. and to maximise my overseas stay, i chose one where the flight out of singapore was on thursday morning. so, after looking through the different portals, i decided to book one on zuji.com. that was the start of my nightmare. 

after selecting the flight, hotels, etc and made my payment, the website advised me that my payment did not go through and that i had to call the agent. time check then was 7pm. that was what i did and after speaking with the agent for almost 45minutes and doing multiple checks, i was told i should call them in 2-hours to allow them to trace the issue. before i hang up, i asked for the airline pnr number, which i was given. i then headed out for dinner and to ensure things went ok, i called my bank who assured me that the payment went through. at 10-ish pm, i call the call center again and another call agent handled my call. this one was a little bitchy and after tracing the issue, told me that they have some issues with their support team cos the airline couldn't confirm the take off and that they will resolve the issue with the airline. having worked in an airline before, i knew this was pure bullshit, but i kept quiet about it. the call center agent insisted that despite "the airline issue", i should just trust them to resolve the issue and that they will call me at about 3-4am to advise if i should proceed to the airport. 

omg, i needed to wait for their call at 3am? my check in was supposed to be 5am and they will call me at 3-4am to confirm if my holiday plans are good to go? too risky wasn't it? anyway, i hung up the phone and called the airline myself and learned that the issue was that zuji couldn't get the payment done and thus the airline couldn't issue a ticket. and piecing the whole picture together, i learned that my bank had paid zuji but zuji couldn't get the payment through to the airline. i decided to just cancel my booking and do the full booking direct with the airline and the hotel myself. and so i called the call center. this final call made me blow my top. the call agent started off sounding hostile, and then went on to give all sorts of cock and bull story blaming the airline, the hotel, etc. i told her i was from the airline industry and knew every processes in it and that she should stop blaming the airline and providing all sorts of excuses. and when i insisted that i wanted to cancel my booking, she said the booking with the hotel has been finalised and that if i chose to cancel it, the hotel will charge me full and she would only refund me the air ticket. i tried to explain to her that my contract is with zuji and not the hotel and i have every right to cancel my contract with no liabilities because nothing was issued to me at all. anyway, i was pissed off when she refused to let me talk and kept going on and on about all their policies and guidelines and how i should not insist on this and that, etc. 

i totally hated it when people refused to let me talk and kept interjecting me even as i speak and tried to explain how i cannot accept their recommendations to call me at 3-4am. she interjected me non-stop and what totally pissed me off was she said something to the effect that i have myself to be blamed for booking a flight that departs the next morning. i totally lost myself when she said that as she continued to interject me until i raised my voice and told her to stop! stop talking! don't give me all these bullshit. if zuji thinks they cannot fulfil a booking that occurs the next morning, then zuji should jolly stop selling anything and not allow people to book. and since i was managed to book an itinerary, they should very well work towards delivering the service according to the contract! and she should stop blaming the airlines with excuses cos i was from the aviation industry and i know airlines will only stop accepting new bookings 4-hours out from flight time. so to tell me they will call me 3 hours before the departure is unacceptable! and as for her, should behave like a call center agent. i was a call center agent trainer and i know how call centers work and so stop giving me all the bullshit and talk to me respectfully like you would a customer as you are trained. and above all, don't put the blame on me when i had done my checks and the issue was one of zuji not being able to make the payment and not because the airline cannot take off! when she realized i knew inside out of the aviation industry and how call centers operate, her tone changed and she stopped giving me anymore excuses.

i told her i cannot accept this and i wanted to cancel my booking and demanded a full refund - hotel, flight and insurance. and this was where she tried to full a fast one again - i'm sorry, i can get my support team to do a refund of the flight but the hotel has been confirmed and you will be charged in full the hotel charges. damned, i went back to my firm tone again! hey, hey, i have signed a contract with zuji.com and i have not signed a contract with the hotel and the flight separately. i am cancelling my agreement with zuji.com and since nothing has been delivered, i am terminating any agreement with zuji.com and expect a full refund. and she told me she had to call her hotel agent, eider yadda eider to sort this or that out... and that she would call me back later. i refused to hang up and told her i will hold the line and expect a respond from her - a respond no lesser than a full refund. i don't care whether or not the hotel agent agree or not, that is for zuji.com to manage, i reminded her. anyway, to cut the long story short again, she came back after a couple of minutes and told me they will refund me the full amount, and apologised for her behaviour. 

that was my superbly negative experience with zuji.com. i will never use them anymore.

geostorm

this is the typical environment disaster cum armageddon-themed movie except that the lead didn't die but ended up living happily ever after after he successfully prevented a global tragedy. yeah, you kinda get the idea about what the movie is about.

i liked it for reasons being (1) it had a lot of effects related to environmental disasters that one can only imagine - tsunami is the desserts in the middle east, hailstones the size of lorries in central tokyo japan, overheated underground pipes and extreme heat that resulted in explosions that caused buildings to topple over in hong kong, sudden cold wave that saw villages in dessert to freeze instantly, similar cold wave that swept through south american city of rio de janerio to go into deep freeze, tornadoes in india, widespread lightnings in florida, etc... you get it. and (2) the creativity and peek into the future where mankind eventually managed abandon country politics and came together and use technology to successfully control nature from outer space. 

but of cos, being a hollywood movie, it attempted to portray americans in the forefront and americans that eventually saved the world. not unusual and perhaps important from a revenue generation point of view? there was perhaps a deeper and more serious message about how man is destroying the environment and in the attempt to control it, ended up putting mother earth on life support. haha... then again, one should just go and enjoy the show for its entertainment value.

good show.

absence

i didn't realize i've been away for a month until sam texted me and asked if everything's ok. truth be told, i had wanted to blog many a times over the last couple of weeks but ended up being dragged all over the place and having to prioritise what's more important given my limited energies. ok, ok... i'll try to capture some of the events i've missed out in the next couple of blogs.

lol! 

d&d

it was funny how many departments hold their dinner and dance during this time of the year. my department had ours this week and it was held on a wednesday evening. and guess what? i was named as one of the best dressed male and called up on stage during the d&d. lol... so embarrassing to have to parade myself on stage. but it was a lot of fun. anyway, the flip side of having a wednesday d&d was that we had to drag ourselves to work on thursday.

heh...

kneeling

in most (if not all) asian culture, kneeling is considered the highest form of respect.

:-)

ps: whereas in america, it has been used as a show of political disrespect. what irony.

kidney stone review

i went for my medical review today to check if there are any further growth of kidney stones. this was arranged last year following my ultrasound procedure to remove the stones and the doctor wanted to review me yearly instead of every 2-3 years as he said i have a higher tendency to develop stones.

anyway, the review was relatively straight forward - went for my x-ray when i arrived and saw the specialist after that. what i want to blog today is not so much the review but rather the way it was done. you see, as my specialist was busy, my case was given to a younger doctor (probably a medical officer). this was how it went - i walked in, verified my identity, etc... and the doctor introduced himself to me. he was a young chap from the philippines and spoke with a slight tagalog accent. after introducing himself to me, he showed me my x-ray and this was how he went:

doctor: errrr, mr sim, from your x-ray, i think there might be a small stone here... (he used his finger and pointed to a spot), but errrr, but i am not sure, maybe there is no stone cos it is very unclear. so, yeah, maybe there is, but maybe there isn't. and if you compare to the left kidney, it looks clear. but for the right one, i am not too sure. maybe there is, maybe there isn't. and if it is a small one, maybe it'll pass out soon, but if there is, then maybe we have to observe. ok, tell you what, you better drink more water... and we'll see you next year.

hmmm, what an explanation. not exactly the same words, but you kinda get an idea how the debrief went. i was half-tempted to tell him, errr, doctor, maybe i have wasted my time or maybe i shouldn't have come. cos your maybes are just so iffy. well, of cos i didn't say that... but yeah, you kinda know how the whole transaction went. i acted along and thanked him for debriefing me about my condition. he said a lot but said nothing. i supposed he was young and his communications was bad. he could have said:

doctor (if i were him): mr sim, congratulations, the x-ray showed there are no large stones that warrant any immediate concerns. but having said that, we cannot rule out the possibility of small ones. this is because for x-rays the contrast is not that sharp and small-sized stones may not show up clearly. having said that, i do encourage you to continue drinking lotsa water daily. this is so that small stones, if any, can be flushed out quickly and not be allowed to develop into bigger nasty ones. so, let's review your case one year from now.

right? roll eyes...

dream of birds & butterflies

this really weird dream occurred last night (or rather, this morning).

i was travelling in a car and was on my way to a certain bus stop where bee was to pick me up. now, the driver of the car couldn't drop me at that particular bus stop as he (i think it's a he) was heading to another place. he had to make a left turn at a junction just before the bus stop and i had to alight some distance away. from where i was to alight, i could see the bus stop. now, between me and the bus stop was a huge grass patch. in the middle of this grass patch was a burning tree stump and the whole scene was very smoky/ hazy.

now imagine this, from where the car stopped, i would have to backtrack and walked to the road junction and turn left before i could reach the bus stop. but i decided i should simply cut straight across the grass patch (akin to walking the hypothenuse of a triangle) as it would save me some time. and so, i opened the car door and hopped out of the car onto the side of the road. as i hopped off, i found myself free-falling into a stream, i didn't know it was there as it was covered by the grass. thankfully (and miraculously), i managed to bounce off the grass and avoided falling straight into the stream.

interestingly, as i landed, what i thought was dry ground turned out to be ankle deep water. i took a hard look around and realised that the whole place was flooded. i knew then that i could not avoid getting my shoes wet, which by that time, had turned into army boots. yes, i was in my army field uniform (for unknown reasons). i started walking and when i reached the burning tree stump, i decided i should extinguish the fire as i didn't want the fire to spread. but when i looked closely, the fire that burnt brightly earlier had disappeared and in its place was a smouldering stump. i wanted to use the water to douse the stump but didn't have any container and in the end, i simply peed onto it. as i did so, there was a moment where i worry whether i would be contaminating the clean water. lol...

anyway, the smoke cleared after a while. at that moment, as i looked towards the direction of the bus stop, i saw quite a few multi-coloured birds perched on a tree. they were brightly coloured just like those parakeets from south america and were really beautiful. it was really amazing. i just stood there and stared at the birds. and as i did so, a few very pretty butterflies appeared in front of me. pink coloured ones...

and the dream ended there.

???

hahah...

dreamt about jeremy

i dreamt about jeremy (a good friend who calls me "kor" or "big brother") 2 nights ago. here's how the dream unfolded.

i was in a crowded place that looked like a school canteen. there were two long tables in front of me. in one table sat jeremy's brother & his partner and a whole lot of strangers. i was on the other table with quite a few strangers too. in the dream, i recalled i felt rather stressed up and unsettled. and then, jeremy appeared. i saw him walking from afar towards the canteen. in no time, our eyes met and i stood up and walked quickly towards him as he did the same. we grabbed and hugged each other very very tightly. it felt really good and we both didn't want to let go. in no time, i felt awkward as i was conscious everyone was looking at us and i loosened my grip and lightly pushed him away. and for some unknown reasons, i walked away from the scene. i tapped his brother & his partner's back as walked off.

the dream ended there. quite a weird dream that had no start and no end. i related this dream to jeremy and he simply laughed it off. well, time to get together and have a meal, he said.

hahah!

my photos

had procrastinated over this for many years and finally decided to just do it. got all my old photos reframed and touched up. decided on gold frames for the black and white photos (that have turned yellow and hence matches the gold), and silver frames for my graduation photos (that are blue based and thus go very well with silver). thought this composition is very nice. 

and so finally, my living room's main wall will no longer be blank.

sapphie @ home

i've been searching for a small dog figurine to place at my parent's niche at the columbarium for the longest time. finally found it two weeks ago and got it installed last week. cute right?

:-)

hurricane irma

i am reminded of the period where i was based in florida when i read about hurricane irma. it was an interesting experience for me to go through charley, frances, ivan, and jeanne and i cannot find any word that can fully describe how i felt. especially for charley - my first experience and driving in the dark through the everglades to take shelter in miami. my heart goes out to everyone in florida at this point in time in time as everyone awaits irma's landfall. for those who has the ability to run/ evacuate, please do so. and for those who have decided to stay put, i do wish everyone all the very best as they brace themselves for the monster.

a child's smile

an ex-colleague of mine gave me a toy shark for christmas last year - the type that is made of rubber and painted to look life-like. the whole idea about giving me a shark was because the initials of our lunch click of four spelt "jaws". no better way to make me remember the group than by giving me a toy shark right? all the more apt as it coincided with my farewell back then.

i had placed this shark on my shelf since and it had been collecting dust for the last 8-9 months. and as i did my housecleaning yesterday, i decided that i should give it to someone who would be able to appreciate it more. so i took it down the shelf, cleaned away the dust and brought it downstairs where parents and their young kids usually congregate. and sure enough there was this little toddler, no more than a year old, by the swimming pool.

he was at the age where he needed assistance to walk an extended distance. he was merry making by himself and savouring his little achievements in each little step he walked. and his mother was nearby keeping watch over him. i walked up to him, acknowledged his mother and gave the toy shark to him. he took it curiously, and within quick moments, his face glowed, his mouth gaped and his eyes opened up wide! in no time, he was making faces as he held the shark and looked into its'  face. he looked so funny! 

it was such a pleasant and heartwarming sight! his mom stood there speechless for that moment too, only to utter "he is soooo happy!" after a few seconds. and she thanked me for the toy. it's my pleasure, i said as i walked away from the little boy. 

:-) 

eyesight? mindlessness?

i am not sure if this is normal (such as due to aging), or it is something that i should be concerned about. you see, i am a person who would craft my email as i think and before sending it out, i will proofread my email content again and again to ensure i get my message right. and in the process, i will restructure my sentences, and my paragraphs in order to bring the most important point forward. this is the inverse writing technique as i was taught decades ago - it is supposedly the most effective technique to bring ones' point across.

but lately i have noticed one very interesting thing - i tend not to see things. i tend not to see my mistakes when it comes to structuring my sentences correctly. on top of that, i often end up having double words. the thing disturbing about these double words are that my mind would be thinking of one word but i will type another word. for example, when i want to type "that are", i end up typing "are are" or "that that". and i would be totally oblivious about it... and worst of it all, i don't see these double words when i proofread. i will only discover it after i re-read my mail again a day or two later.

these mistakes are getting too often to be comfortable. a case of deteriorating eye sight or a case of mindlessness? 

should i be worried?

ps: and i do the same read, reread, amend, restructure etc for my blog entries too. 

rough night

this is another show where you will watch when you have nothing else better to do. lotsa superficial girly fun, that i am sure, many gay men (like me) will be able to identify. enjoyable, fun, crazy, at times tense, but overall, just easy-going.

tinder

i downloaded tinder and experimented with it last week. it was an interesting app. had all along thought it was an app for straight people until not too recently, a gay friend mentioned he had been using it too.

the app was designed to allow only mutual matches to connect. this, i thought was unique and interesting cos it provided individuals to safeguard his/ her preferences (male or female). on the other hand, it can be quite damaging to one's ego if there is constantly no match! 

haha...

kooza

caught the last show before it ended its run in singapore over the last weekend. thought the performances were very good and enjoyed most of it. but there was one that i felt very uncomfortable, almost to the point of wanting to walk out. that was the one performed by the 3 chinese ladies where they bend their bodies... it was freakish! one performance stood out for me and that was the wheel of death. loved the overall colours and vibrance!

:-)

completed flagship event

this past week was a defining one for my whole team. we conducted the company's flagship learning event locally and managed to accomplish close to 10,000 attendance for training. it was superbly draining for me particularly as i was single handedly doing logistics runs daily between the different locations across the island. glad its over. next week, gonna head back to office with one whole week of backlogged to clear...

not looking forward to it, frankly

zoo & river safari

bee and i visited the zoo last weekend and the river safari yesterday. i really enjoyed the trips. for some reasons, i've always been attracted to the wilderness and wild animals and i have always enjoyed trips to such places. anyway, shan't write too much about that here.

the reason why i wanted to write this post was that the two visits made me reflect about life and death and how everyone of us, including the animals, will take the same path. during the visits, it struck me that many of the animals (that i had known since years ago) have either passed away or are dying from old age. one of the most high profile passing was that of the zoo icon ah meng the orang utan in jun 2008 at the age of 48 years old. and after that, i witnessed one animal after another leaving, the last being omar the white tiger two months back (pic above shows winnie on the left and omar on the right, winnie died in 2014 of a jaw tumor, and omar in jun 2017 of skin cancer and joint degeneration). and i made this reflection when i saw the old and tired looking inuka - the resident polar bear in the zoo.

inuka is 26 of age this year and has outlived the normal life span of polar bears kept in captivity. he was the first polar bear to be borned in the tropics in captivity. i still recalled how cute he looked when he was born (above picture) and how he was looked after by his mother, sheba. sheba died in 2010 of old age at 35 years of age and inuka had been living alone since then. he looks really tired these days and suffers from arthritis. the zoo had announced that they will put him down if his condition deteriorates to the point where his quality of life is threatened. and from the look of things, i do expect him to be put down very soon (in a matter of days or months at most). it's gonna be a very sad day when that happens.

anyway, at the river safari yesterday, i made a remark. i said that for some reasons, all the zoo rangers seemed very young, almost like little kids. i pondered if they indeed are indeed so or that was a simple case of an enlarging age gap between me and the rangers. and it is not difficult to conclude which is which.

:-)

respect

"no one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin or his background or his religion..." (or, if i may add, his sexuality)

obama, quoting mandela 

snatched

some words that came to my mind when i watched this show include seriously?, stupid, unbelievable, heartwarming, wtf... well, you get what i mean. yup, if it was not for the fact that there was no other shows i watched, i wouldn't have even bought the tickets for this show. then again, such brainless shows are quite good for the soul once a while, especially when you are really stressed out and just wanted to blank off...

grindr sex

i have the grindr app on my mobile. going into this app has become a habit for me as i am always either curious who's gay around me, how many gay cuties are there nearby, or whether anyone has send me any messages... (ya, i even roll my own eyes at myself for doing all these).

i remembered some years ago, i commented that many in grindr somehow registered their age as 23 years old (and i recalled many of my blogger friends responded that they indeed reflected themselves as 23 years old!). but this time round, i noticed people in grindr around me tend to be 25 years old! lol! do i sense a shift in perception of "ideal age"? anyway, i don't really believe what's posted in grindr. many indicate an age that is easily 5 years younger than their actual age. and this is clear cos when they send you their pic, its so obvious. also, i do see many posting things like "friends only, no fun" or "strictly chats". but when they text you, their first few messages invariable include things like "top/ bottom?", "1/ 0?", "do you want to play/ have fun?", "fun?", "seek?"... or some even went as far as "cf?", "i wanna top you". i even have some who initiate a conversation with their cock pics and measurements! so... it's a world of make believe in there. and naturally, many i know shared that what they see is always not what they get... and mostly, people are nice from far, but far from nice. i can totally understand. lol!

so yeah, it's a world where physical attractions is the order of the day. as superficial as it might seem, it's just a fact. of cos, don't judge me like a few did. they asked - you are attached, so how come you are in grindr? oh purleese, this world can really do without such judgements. it's a free world and we can do what we want. since when partnered people cannot download grindr? 

gintama

watched this show last evening. i was told reviews of the show rated this a 5-popcorn show. frankly, i don't understand how it can be rated 5-popcorns. i would perhaps give it a 2-popcorn rating only. 

anyway, trust the japanese to produce such a show - an over-the-top production that you cannot really appreciate unless you have some background about the anime series. you see, usually, we have production where cartoons/ anime imitates real life human world. but for this production, it was humans acting out a anime series. and so, we end up having a show where people behaved like anime characters - lotsa exaggerated actions, people shout at each other as they talk, punch and slap each other like as though it was the most natural thing to do, wore awkward-looking costumes that came across as trying too hard, slapstick jokes/ scenes, and so on... 

initially, i thought it was interesting, refreshing and somewhat funny. but when it kept going on and on and on, i started to feel somewhat irritated. it was hard to keep up with the show especially when i watched it after midnight. but well, after convincing myself that this is supposed to imitate an anime, the expectations dropped and i simply just enjoy the show for what it was. and of cos, just ogle at the few good-looking actors in the show.

2 popcorns. for the effort and the novelty.

handling crying kids

over time, i had observe how parents of different races handle their difficult children and i saw a trend. i suspect the differences in behaviour is due to culture. here's what i saw and some of my thoughts about it:

• local (generic term to include singaporean and malaysian) chinese parents tend to tell off their kids when the kids cry. not uncommon to hear the parents go "quiet! don't cry!" firmly - no opportunities given to the kids to reason or respond and so we often see local chinese kids pout/ looking sad. of cos there are some that do spoil their kids outright and give in whenever their kids cry but these are the exceptions and not the norm. as such, in public places, i do not see many wailing and spoilt local chinese kids... ok, maybe a few, but not the most... compared to...

• Indian indian parents tend dote on their kids. the parents will respond to them whenever their kids cry. at the other end of the spectrum of response, Indian indian parents let their kids continue to scream and wail and they won't really entertain them. in another words, i have never seen any Indian indian parents get firm on their kids. as such, in public places, whenever i hear screaming and wailing kids, more often than not, they are from india indian families. (note: i use "indian indian" to differentiate with singaporean indians. singaporean indians tend to behave more like local chinese [see above]).

• local malays tend to have many children and often whenever one child cry, it is the elder siblings that respond (surprising right?)... this is interesting cos malays tend to move around in family units and as their family units are relatively larger than that of chinese and indians, their internal family support is usually very strong. so, in public, i tend to see malay families being very noisy but seldom have crying children.

• caucasian (generic term for all westerners regardless of nationalities) tend to have a good balance between being firm and letting their children cry on and on. more often than not, i see the parents trying to reason with their child and if it fails, the parents will end up being firm. and if the child continue to cry, the parents will just leave them be. so, most caucasian families do not have crying babies but babies that, in a way, behave rather "maturely".

well... these are just observations of the behaviours of the different broad racial groupings. i do think the different responses is a reflection of the different cultures. interesting right? so... for me naturally, whenever i hear kids wailing, my natural quick conclusion would be - must be indian babies. what do you think? do you have similar observations?

52nd national day

today the country celebrates its 52nd national day. 

for me, it is a day to simply chill and relax. decide to just not do any work and give myself a mental break. have been working 18-hour days almost daily and that is not good. kinda crazy pace at this point in time and didn't help that i had 2 less people to work on the kpis. just have to pull up my socks and push on...

gonna sleep early and see how it goes. i might just wake up at 4am again...

fire & fury

i am shock to hear such words coming from the man himself. such words do not feature in diplomacy in my opinion, or rather, should be used only when relationships are in such dire state that the next option is war itself. it will be really catastrophic if the world gets drawn in all because of the loose tongue one old man who is taking some risks and playing some political games according to his own rules.

then again, i might have to reserve my comments as i do not know the whole story. but whatever it is, the fact that we have senior officials warning that such words are irresponsible says a lot about the man himself and the state of internal affairs by itself. not very assuring. and certainly not something that we expect from a country that everyone had, until jan 17, look up as the leader of many things. interesting and tough times...

let's see what happens next.

the dark tower

watched this movie on friday night. was totally tired out given the very intense week but was adamant to watch it as i wanted desperately to have a good early start to the weekend. so, nothing beats going for a show friday night. surprisingly, it was a good and interesting fantasy show. it had elements of science (portals, inter-stellar travels, space, etc) as well as superstition/ religion (devils, myths, monsters, etc). and it was really ingenious, the way stephen king, the author of the story, weaved in all these details.

great show to watch!

month of medical tests

thinking back, i can say this month was really a month of medical tests... i cleared my hiv test, std test, and now my cancer test. so... i supposed it is a good closure to the month, knowing that i am a-ok. 

completed colonoscopy

finally completed the procedure. wasn't as bad as i had thought. and it was because i was totally unconscious throughout the procedure (and i thought i was supposed to be only sedated!).

well, i walked into the clinic, registered, changed into my hospital gown, ushered in in no time where the nurse explained the full procedure to me (again), and inserted a plug onto the back of my hand. waited for a while and my number flashed for me to enter one of the suite. once inside, i was greeted by a team of nurses and made to lie onto the bed. a nurse came to me, turned me to my side, exposed my butt and applied some lubricant. the doctor came to me, chatted for a while and told me it'll be a relatively straight forward procedure. and she told me i should take another day to rest. one day is not enough, she said, she'll cover me for 2 days and leave it to my discretion if i should take tomorrow to rest. 

after that, one of the nurse came, injected two syringes of sedatives into the plug and i slipped into unconsciousness almost immediately. next thing i knew, i was woken up by a nurse and i was asked if i wanted some beverage and biscuits. well, all done in less than half an hour. but i slept for almost an hour plus, drink some beverages, and slept for another hour plus before i was allowed to change up and get ready for discharge.

was called to a debrief room where a senior nurse explained the findings to me. showed my the photographs of the interior of my large intestines (up to the ilium or "end of the small intestines"). no polyps or any sorts but there were signs on inner haemorrhoids. so, nothing to worry about. for the haemorrhoids, if i show any signs of blood in the stools, i should get to the hospital to get it removed. otherwise, i should take more high fibre diet and it should be fine. 

:-)

ps: the estimated cost for the whole procedure after all the government subsidies, medishield plus, medisave, etc. is about s$40 cash upfront (the actual cost without the subsidies and government medishield etc is about s$2000-plus).

colonoscopy prep 2

and here i am, sitting on my throne since 7-ish this morning doing my work and clearing my guts off at the same time. the laxative tasted ok, not as bad as i had expected it to be. needed to drink a cup (250ml) per 15min and a total of 8 cups (2 litres in total) over a 2-hour period. and it's been almost 3hrs since i started and i am now passing clear liquid non-stop! i supposed my fluid diet yesterday helped a lot.

and as the time for the procedure closes in, on thought came to my mind - whether my pubes are well-trimmed before i head to the hospital. hahaha... i supposed only a gay person will think of such thoughts before the colonoscopy procedure! totally roll eyes...

:-P

ps: the hospital doctor called and asked me to report at 1.30pm instead of 3.50pm (as earlier scheduled). this way, the procedure could begin at about 2pm, she said (it's a she again!)...

colonoscopy prep 1

have been on fiber-free diet for 3 days in preparation of the procedure tomorrow. and today, its just pure liquid diet, and i'm feeling hungry... arghhh... will need to take laxative tomorrow and from what i read from the net, it looks like i'll be in for a jolly good time just sitting on my toilet bowl...

needed to admit by 3.50pm for the procedure. totally not looking forward to the laxative...

lol!

ps: and i am really wondering how the hell i can go collect my car from the servicing center if i have to stay in the toilet... still no solution in sight. sighs...

sending car for servicing

decided to send in my car for servicing yesterday. had been long overdue and have procrastinated on it. there was a loud clapping sound whenever i drive and the sound had been getting louder over the last 2 months or so. i vaguely recalled the service center agent telling me something about the engine that needed to be fixed the last time i serviced my car 6 months back. and so with the assumption that the sounds was due to the engine, i had expected the cost of servicing to be very high this time round. 

made a booking early this week and been told to send in at 9am on saturday. and after describing the issue to the agent, i was told it would take a while for them to trouble shoot and to repair the car. i was also advised that the earliest i would be able to get the car would be monday. that was kinda tricky as i would be on colonoscopy prep on monday... but decided to tell them to go ahead nonetheless. i got a call from the service center agent later in the day telling me that the engine was ok (whew!) but the ball bearings of the two front wheels needed to be changed. it was a huge relief for me as i had expected worst.

:-)

completing an event

my team and i had just completed an event and i was so totally exhausted. it didn't help that i came down with a bad flu too. managed to get an mc on friday and had been sleeping like a log for the past 2 days. it was indeed a much needed rest considering the amount of work that i had to do and the whole build up of the stress over the last couple of weeks.

but yeah, the whole team felt good about completing the event. 

:-)

intense & erotic dream

i had a really intense and erotic dream last night. it was a dream and involved me and an old friend - someone that i had not contacted for a long while. really didn't know why he came to the dream.

it was a dream where i couldn't remember where or how it started but in one particular scene, i found myself at a place that was really run down, and the floor was full of mud/ clay. on the floor was my friend, sleeping on a mat. he was in deep sleep and didn't know i was there. i laid down beside him and gazed at him as he slept. he looked so sweet and peaceful. i noted he had a hard on and i inserted my hands into his shorts. my action startled him from his sleep and he woke up. he initially resisted but i pressed him down gently as i continued fondling him. ok, shan't go into details. it'll sound wrong for me to go on... heh.

and no, it wasn't a wet dream although i must say the ending shook me up from my sleep and i had to check if i had one.

lol!

war for the planet of the apes

this was the second show i watched over the weekend that has the word "planet" in it. this show was the last of the series of the "planet of the apes" series. it certainly gave a very fitting end to the show. i enjoyed the way the show unfolded and how both apes and human fought and struggled with their internal values. certain scenes did remind of me george orwell's animal farm - such as when caesar realised he had, over time, become no different from koba. but as in all shows, he eventually came to his senses and the righteous part prevailed. it was sad to see him die in the end, but i supposed it was to be expected.

in my opinion, this was also the best of the trilogy, the acting was superb, the music, the production, etc... everything came together very nicely.

totally enjoyed it.

valerian & the city of a thousand planets

i watched two movies this weekend and both has the word "planet" in it. this was the first. this was such a fun show to watch. very imaginative, very fast paced and very beautiful. certainly gives an interesting perspective to how technology will evolve and how humans will live their lives in the future. 

great start to my weekend.

of taxi and bus drivers...

you know you've grown pass a certain age when you start finding taxi and bus drivers cute. heh...

but don't get me wrong, there's really nothing wrong about these uncles. rather, i'm speaking from a typical stereotype point of view where taxi and bus drivers are generally the uncle-next door type of person and not the hot jock adonis greek god bodied personas that most would imagine gay ideals should look like. expectations...

and as a matter of fact, these days there are increasing number of taxi and bus drivers that are younger than me. and to me, with youth comes a certain level of virility, good looks, and attractiveness. and that is very sexy, to me at least. lol. i know, i'm very shallow writing this post, but what the heck, do please allow me to indulge in some shallowness once a while...

oh, i just saw a very cute taxi driver yesterday. and i slowed down my car just to catch a second, third and fourth glimpse of him...

spiderman: homecoming

i would have liked this movie a lot more if not for the irritating character that was peter parker's best friend. so irritating.

dreams of being chased

i had the weirdest dream this morning. i woke up feeling confused and in my drowsy state wanted to connect and remember the whole dream, but i couldn't and fell back to sleep. it was an uneasy short sleep after that. here're snippets of the dream to the best of what i can remember.

at the start of the dream, i was in a semi-dark room full of people. from a first person's perspective, i was looking at a lot of people and i couldn't make out their faces. then someone pointed out that i was fully naked. and from a third person perspective, i saw myself nude and awkward. i was trying to cover myself using my hands.

i found myself out at sea and it seemed like i was drifting - i couldn't make sense whether i was drifting further out or further in initially but after sometime, it seemed like i was drifting towards land. i couldn't make out how deep the water was but as i was nearing the shore, i decided to jump into the water. initially my legs could touch some soft mud but it was nothing i could stand on, i continue swimming towards the shore. through the whole period, the water was just superbly calm, not a single wave nor indications of choppiness. there was a wooden plank walkway that appeared beside me as i swam and i saw my friends on the walkway. they seemed oblivious to me swimming.

i found myself on land. and i was racing and running cos i was being chased and there was danger everywhere. i found myself in a car driven by someone familiar. but this was a faceless person and i didn't know who this person was. but it was someone i could trust. the car drove on and before i knew it, a dog (that appeared in the car) started to attack me. i found myself being chased in a dark forest. the car, with its headlights had fallen behind. soon enough, i was cornered by huge tree trunks and the dog (that now seemed more like a wolf) pounced onto me. i picked up a sharp object and struck its head. the head cracked and blood gushed out of it. it laid at the base of the tree beside me. dead. i was overwhelmed and burst out crying as i had, over time, grown to like the dog (or wolf?).

anxiety

i went for a std/ hiv blood test last week and the doctor told me he wanted to see me personally to give me the results. it's rather personal and i would like to share the results with you face-to-face, he said. before i left, the clinic assistant told me the laboratory will send them the results by monday latest and that i could visit the clinic on tuesday evening. i left the clinic feeling somewhat nervous. as the days pass, the feeling of anxiety started to build up. this despite the fact that i had taken the test before (but that was years ago when i retired from the force). at that time, the collection of my results coincided with my pre-retirement health check and given my anxiety, the medic couldn't get any blood pressure nor pulse check done properly. i felt somewhat similar this time round. what if... i kept thinking. 

i didn't head back to collect the results on tuesday as i had to work late and had dinner plans. and on wednesday, the clinic was closed in the evening. so, came thursday and i made a trip down to the clinic after work. nervously, i registered myself and was given a queue number. during this wait, i was extra sensitive to everything around me - why did the clinic assistant talk to me using that tone, why did she look at me that way... all sorts of scenarios went through my head. the few minutes wait was torturous. i decided to look onto the floor and just ignore everything. next thing i knew, the clinic assistant came up to me, erm, i am sorry, your results is still not out. we are not sure why, but we called the clinic and they said it is not ready. we'll call them again tomorrow and keep you posted once the results are out. so sorry. i was taken aback. i was told the lab usually takes 1-2 days. it had been 5 days. my head started spinning. my anxiety index shot up a few notch that evening. it was super unsettling.

the next afternoon (friday), i got a call telling me that they have gotten the results and that i could visit them anytime. and as i had back to back meetings through the day, i decided to only collect the results on saturday. after registration, the clinic assistant simply pass me an envelop with a huge red word "urgent" stamped on the front face of the envelop. i was kinda taken aback cos i thought the doctor wanted to see me... i gave her a bewildered look and she simply smiled and asked me to take a look before i decide if i wanted to see the doctor. i opened the envelop... took out the results...

i smiled and told her it's ok, i'll not need to see the doctor. 

i left the clinic.

resignation

the department will have a super big event this coming end-august and this week, 2 of my staff tendered their resignation. both will be gone by first week august. 

frankly, amongst the two, i am quite glad that one of them is leaving. this person was the one that has been the source of all internal tensions, and has been sabotaging me quietly behind my back (that i found out recently). everyone in the department cannot get along with this person due to relationship issues as a result of legacy internal politics. but on the other hand, this is also the person who has the most institutional memory about things and had helmed all the key programs the department handles, including the major event in august. and with this resignation, a lot of institutional memory, rationale of how and why things are done in a particular manner, etc will be lost. had initially planned to slowly transfer the know-how over time by assigning some of the responsibilities out and hiring people to take over. but... 

anyway, am kinda in a fix now. but as always, i just have to bite the bullet and see it positively that it is a fresh start for me. i have the opportunity to build my own team. the events will have to come and go. even if it means the department cannot meet the targets set. in the longer term, it is better for the department. 

pre-colonoscopy check

went to the specialist today for a pre-colonoscopy check. this was something arranged since a few months back given that i have crossed my 50 years of age. needed to do this to test if i have colon cancer. and so, after waiting for slightly more than 15minutes, my queue number started flashing. i walked in and there was this young 20-something looking little indian girl seated on the doctor's chair. she almost looked like a school-going kid! she even has pimples on her face! hahaha... anyway, she asked me about my family history, whether anyone had cancer, whether there was any other chronic illness in the family, whether my bowel movement is normal, whether i had frequent blood in the stools, and a lot of other questions relating to stools, etc and finally, why was i referred for colonoscopy. oh, i was asked to consider cos i am over-50 yrs old, i simply replied.

and then she asked me to lie onto the bed to feel my stomach. and (i was totally not prepared for this),  she asked me to turn, face the wall, pull down my pants till below my knees and bend my knees. and once i was ready, she applied a hell lot of lube onto my asshole, and inserted her finger into it to feel if there were any lumps. and that was not enough, after that, she inserted an apparatus in and twisted it around. it felt so uncomfortable! thankfully, it didn't last long. she handed my a stack of hand towels to clean myself and continuing speaking to me as i dressed up. so awkward right? but of cos, i acted cool and simply carried on the conversation with her as "professionally" as i could. was given a full explanation of the colonscopy procedure, that is to be done this coming 31 july. and thinking of the bloody long scope that is going to be inserted via my rear, i do feel a little apprehensive about it.

lol!

checked

paid a visit to the doctor this morning to get my breathlessness checked. lungs clear - not asthma, ecg done - heart functions normal. so... doctor could not figure out the cause of the issue but have given me medications for 2 possible causes - antacid in case it is due to gastric reflux, and prednisolone for possible asthma or respiratory track swell. have not taken the gastric reflux medicine, but the prednisolone certainly did help a great deal. can breath a lot better although the tendency to feel breathless is still there. but at least when i make the effort to take a deeeeeeeep breathe, i can fill my lungs.

need to visit the doctor again end of the week for a review.

breathless

for some reasons, i keep finding myself breathless these days. and i cannot even have a proper full lung even if i were to breathe in hard. and i am reminded of how my mum experienced the same when i looked after her. i wonder if taking prednisolone would help. perhaps i should see a doctor about it. hmmm...

transformers: the last knight

this is the worst show i've seen for a very long time. period.